I was on a date and said to the waiter β€œI would love the bo-log-nayz and a white wine.” Laughing my date said β€œI didn’t know you spoke another language.”

I replied, β€œyeah, I’m trylingual.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sr_ChalupaBatman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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What did the green grape say to the purple grape

Breathe idiot, breathe!

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
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Dadjoked my girlfriend at dinner.

So we were eating dinner tonight, which is a rare treat because our work hours don't leave much overlapping free time. I had a dark glass with white wine with dinner. She asked what I was drinking, and I decided to recall a friend's joke.

Gf: boss_ginger, what are you drinking? Me: Oh, just water. Do you want it? I can pour another glass. Gf: Please, thank you. takes sip ... Gf: This is wine... Me: Raises hands into the air, leans back in chair Praise the LORD and his miracles!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boss_ginger
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2014
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Dad Joked a customer last night.

I work as a bartender at a classy cheese and wine bar in the DC area. Last night after some harmless flirting with some middle aged ladies, one exclaimed, "Sauvignon Blanc! That's my white jam!"

I replied, "Ma'am that's actually a wine, not a jam."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSheepdog
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2016
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The time my Dad went above and beyond the call of duty, at a formal dinner party

Picture this.

A fancy Christmas dinner party at his new wife's opulent, sandstone estate house. Plates are being cleared from the lengthy, mahogony table that seats the fourteen well-to-do guests, the main course having just finished. All have feasted gloriously on our Christmas fare.

My Dad, playing the good host, picks up two bottles of wine, one white and one red, and proceeds to do a round of the table, chatting amiably with everyone as he circles. Those whose glasses are less than 90% full, he proceeds to top-up. I am sitting in the very centre of the long table, seated directly opposite a very well off lady in her early sixties, by the name of Margaret. My dad, having just topped off my glass, is now standing directly behind me.

This older woman, full of grace and charm, looks to my Dad and says, "Thank you so much for this glorious meal, John. It's been simply divine."

My Dad, "Not at all, Margaret, not at all. Could I charge your glass?"

Margaret, "Oh, no no, thank you. I've got the bottle in front of me!"

My Dad, quick of wit, and with a sneaky - yet charming - grin on his face, responds, "Ah, well, better that than a frontal lobotomy!"

I've never been more proud of him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rolloxan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2013
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My friend's dad dropped this one at her birthday dinner last night....

The entire table was embroiled in a detailed conversation on their wine preferences, red vs. white, how pinot grigio was sometimes too dry, etc. Her dad asked, Know what my favorite wine is? I hate having to pay taxes!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ashleytastics
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2015
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Got My Manager

The other day at work our usual wine delivery guy came in, so I alerted my manager.

Me: The wine delivery is here.

Him: Sweet.

Me (pretending to inspect the wine) : Actually, I think it's a white.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imperious23
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2014
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It wasn't on purpose

My father had been in a phase where all he'd drink was wine from the Rhine region of Germany.

When the waiter at the Chinese restaurant asked what we wanted for drinks, my father, knowing that not all restaurants carry it, asked "Do you have Rhine?"

Waiter: Yes, of course

Dad: Ok, great, I'll have that!

Waiter (looking confused): Ahh, ok, you want red rine, or white rine?

Dad: uhh.. how about merlot?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/natrous
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2014
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Every time he finishes one

At the dinner table, empties a bottle of wine.

Now thats what I call a dry white.

Every time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lucid_steve
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2013
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