Why haven’t aliens visited our Solar System yet?
They looked at the reviews... only 1 star
I recently moved and my dad is visiting for the first time.
We were driving around town and I was pointing out to him all the happening spots when he casually said, "looks pretty dead in here."
I look over to see him gesturing towards the local graveyard...
Italy is a boring place to visit
All you can do is rome around
True story: many years ago I adopted a new dog. Took him to his first visit to the vet.
The lady at the vet: “what’s his name?”
Me: “The shelter told me his name is Toby”
Her: “Well, what does he think his name is?”
Me: “........ Kunte Kinte”
She didn’t get it. Once in a lifetime joke wasted.
When's the best time to visit the dentist?
True story: I was visiting my wife in the hospital but the room didn't have a bed to lay down in so I laid down on the floor since I was tired. The nurse came in and asked "having a good time down there"?
I said "oh yeah. I'm just floored".
I visited a place with no internet
There was something amish
I visited the birth place of the guy who invented the toothbrush.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but due to the ongoing pandemic, would it be smart to stay at least 6ft away from the chips and dip when visiting a Mexican restaurant?
You know, Salsa Distancing.
What beach do zombies like to visit?
When visiting France, one has to go to the structure that allows sufficient observation to discover more than enough to be satisfied.
Oui, a visit to the Eyeful Tower is always recommended when vacationing in France.
I was considering visiting a local cidery this weekend...
I’m not sure but I’ll have to mull it over
When visiting Hawaii, you're not allowed to laugh out loud.
I visited a monastery the other day and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips. I asked him "Are you the friar?"
He replied "No, I'm the chip monk..."
What do you call second thoughts about plans to visit a Native American sanctuary?
A reservation reservation reservation
I visited a sheep farm last week.
What did Austin Powers say when he visited the apiary?
A gambler visited rain forests every day and ended up getting penile cancer
I guess he was hitting the wrong sloths
When you visit Boston, what do the street magicians and fish wives have in common?
They will both insist that you “pick a cod”
My Child's Paediatrician is usually a bit short tempered when we visit, but then again..
..She always had little patients.
I met my boyfriend while visiting the zoo. There he was, in his uniform...
straightaway I knew he was a keeper
A guy’s Mom comes to visit him at his job at the aquarium where she finds him feeding a baby dolphin. She says look at you, you were smart. You could have had a real job, really done some good for the world. Her son snapped back,...
Hey, my job serves a youthful porpoise!
Mrs Hamill was annoyed when her son and I paid her a surprise visit.
She was afraid I'd leave a Mark.
Went to visit my grandpa's final resting place and he left a message for me on his tombstone. I couldn't make out what it was.
It was a very cryptic message.
I just heard of an Alaskan who wants to visit Texas, but he’s afraid to...
...He suffers from claustrophobia
My urologist and I kept joking around during my last visit.
The family wanted to visit some caverns.
I didn’t want to go, but eventually I caved.
A Scotsman visits his doctor. He pulls his kilt up and says doctor you have to help me I'm going crazy
The doctor says I can clearly see your nuts
I visited a monastery and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips...
'Are you the friar? ' I asked him.
'No, I am the chip monk' he replied.
Edit : Holy crap ! More than 1K updoots for a silly joke ? Thanks guys ! I am not sure whether to be proud or ashamed of myself.
When visiting Poland make sure you don't look faded.
You might run into the polish police.
I was visiting my blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
She responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
I said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' she answered, “They're watch dogs'!
An undercover cop visits a doctors surgery...
...he pretends to be a patient and when the doctor it's him down he says:
DR: how can I help?
Cop: Well I'm actually here because you're in trouble
DR: Don't worry sir, most men your age suffer urine trouble!
Why haven’t aliens visited us yet?
They saw the rating- only one star.
My wife and I are finally fulfilling my lifelong dream of visiting The Golden Gate in person.
She said, “What would you do when you finally see it?”
I said, “I’ll cross the bridge when I get there.”
What did Huey Lewis say when he visited his chiropractor?
I need my hip to be square.
What's the best time to visit a watchmaker?
I’ve started a new job repairing periscopes.
My friend convinced me to visit Karl Marx’s grave.
Turns out it’s just a communist plot.
My Mexican Uncle Rito came to visit recently and said its freezing here.
I guess you can call him Burrrrr-rito
After hearing about my history major, my dad said, “You should go visit Italy in late August.”
..Then you can witness The Fall of Rome.
Theseus briefly visited Crete
as part of his minor tour.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
Why haven't aliens visited our solar system yet?
They looked at the reviews, but we only had one star
Why haven't the aliens visited earth yet?
They read the reviews... only one star
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