What do you call a German U-boat stationed in Crete.

Crete's-marine

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πŸ‘€︎ u/finnicus1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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What do you call a dog on a U-boat?

A subwoofer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Courgettophone
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
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Do you know why dogs aren’t allowed on U-boats?

Because a sub woofer would give away their location.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phat79pat1985
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
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My father was a U-boat captain and amateur philosopher. reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elokwins
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2017
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Is this where I post my hoagies and U-boats?

I heard it was a great sub reddit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andrewsloop
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2015
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[request] Boat puns?

Decorating a cardboard boat tomorrow (made it today) and thinking of covering it with different puns. The name shall be Admiralable Saboateur if I go this route, but I'm not sure how to incorporate it all together to make it a theme. I also thought of Aquadisiac and "Are you my armama?" but I'm not sure if the crowd would get the armada reference either. Any boat puns are appreciated!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LivingSecrets
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2017
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3 men are stuck on a boat with 4 cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.

They throw one over board and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spinach_Stock
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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My uncle was a math teacher.

When he retired, he bought a boat and named it Aftermath.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/M_Arslan_Tahir
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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Do you know why divers fall backwards into the water

If they fall forwards they will fall into the boat

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_dont_know55
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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I told my dad that I always felt a deep sense of foreboding when we drive on the bridge over the canal

He said "That's because the canal IS for boating."

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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When the moon hits your eye, Like a big pizza pie, That's amore.

When an eel bites your hand, And that's not what you planned, That's a moray.

When our habits are strange, And our customs deranged, That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh?

When a Japanese knight Uses his sword in a fight, That's Samurai.

When your sheep go to graze In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh?

When your boat comes home fine And you tie up her line, That's a moor, eh?

When you ace your last tests Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s!

In New Zealand you see An aborigine, That's a Maori.

Alley Oop's homeland has A space gun with pizzazz, That's a Moo Ray.

A comedian ham, With the name Amsterdam, That's a Morey.

When your chocolate graham, Is so full and so crammed, That s'more, eh.

When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ComeAbout
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat?

Because if they fell forwards, they’d still be in the boat!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/halokost
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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Do you know why scuba divers flip backwards when going into the water?

Because if they flipped forward, they'd fall into the boat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ashlingwilde
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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Man: I’m so sorry I’m late for my ship cleaning job. What are my responsibilities?

Boss: You mist the boat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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Son: Dad, what is a dictator?

Dad: That’s a jerk potato.

Son: So, what’s a dictatorship?

Dad: That’s a jerk potato that owns a boat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dr_modean
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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What do you say to a police officer when he gets on your boat?

Police put on your life vest!

(This is a joke I made up at the age of 6 while on a boat!)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoLoMoXI
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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My job interview for the Navy was going well, until they asked if I could swim

To be honest, I thought they’d have boats.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ask_carly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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What do you call a depressed ship?

A woe-boat

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zeroforcemembers
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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Why is it called a rocket ship and not a boat?

Because if it was a boat you wouldn't rock it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ConstableBrew
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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Me: I think I have a crush on BeyoncΓ©.

Her: Whatever floats your boat.

Me: No. That’s buoyancy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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What did George Washington say to his men before they stepped into the boat?

Men, step in the boat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leanne_Cock
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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Son: "Do you want the wooden one or the plastic one?"

Dad: *Getting into row boat* "either oar"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vdi_king
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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Caviar

Does the search for caviar require a roe boat?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMcPenguin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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I work with a small town search and rescue. We recently had a guy visiting from the big city to do some kayaking on the river.

He doesn't know the area and gets himself lost. All he does know is that there are a lot of grizzly bears roaming around during the salmon spawn this time of year, so he's quite afraid to get out of his kayak.

The temperature starts to drop. He needs to stay warm, and decides to build a fire inside his little boat on the river.

He learnt a valuable lesson that night: you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Islander399
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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Due to the state of the pandemic I decided to move to my house boat for a while

I'm boating absentee

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sycliantableigit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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Wife: I’m not in the mood to do my homework. Me: Just phone it in and do C-work. Wife: I don’t know how to do C-Work.

Me: step 1, buy a boat.

Just happened. Not an official dad yet but she’s 6 months pregnant. Got to get the practice in while I can.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SashaBanks2020
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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Why are the members of the Titanic survivors’ support group so close?

Everyone was in same boat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_adamnguyen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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What would you name your boat?

If I had a boat I'd name it Dylan, because of all the drug Dylan I'd have to do to afford it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brohymn1416
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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I finally got to cash in on a joke today that I’ve been looking for a reason to use for years

Background: My family was at the lake today. The lake was a little choppy today so when we went on the boat we hit one really big wave where the front end of the boat came crashing down hard. My nephew (7) just happened to be sitting on a cup holder and it hurt his butt when we landed.

We got back to the house and my nephew said...

Nephew: my butt hurts. I think its broken.

Me: did I ever tell you about the time I broke my butt?

Nephew: no. Is it still broken?

Me: yeah. There’s a big crack in it still.

He didn’t get it. But all the other adults laughed/rolled their eyes. Stupid joke I know, but I don’t care.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LostPin
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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Do you know any jokes?

I do not. However, if you need help building a boat I happen to Noah guy.

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πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
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Some unexpected consequences of coronavirus..

So it's been almost 3 weeks since a lockdown was triggered in the UK and there have been quite a few knock on effects.. Some good and some bad which I want to share in this post.

Firstly one of my friends lost his job. He worked as a psychic.. Never saw it coming. Its been a difficult couple of weeks and he is now considering a complete career change...considering becoming a baker of all things.. But I suppose he really kneads the dough. I suggested he focus on photography, but nothing ever developed.

Another of my friends was also made redundant. He managed to get a Skype interview for a position in Tescos within a few days. The interviewer asked him: "what is your biggest weakness?", he replied "I don't know when to quit". The interviewer said "OK, your hired". He said "I quit".

Work has been busy for me but since I can't enjoy the things I usually do I have been looking for some new things to do around the house. It's been nice have the thyme to do more cooking. I randomly started a boat building business in my garage.. Sails have gone through the roof.

In an unsettling reversal of my teenage years I am now shouting at my parents for leaving the house. I suggested they take up scrabble to keep them occupied.. Turned out to be a bad idea from the word go.

It's been great hearing about how world pollution levels have been failling. I read the story about fish now being visible in the canals in Venice.. I hope that story isnt a load of pollocks! Cod, these were eely bad. Will stop carping on now!

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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what do you call a canoe that's 50% off?

A sale boat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/legit_nublet
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
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Pete and Repeat were in a boat, Pete fell out. Who was left?

Repeat.

Pete and Repeat were in a boat, Pete fell out. Who was left?

Repeat.

Pete and Repeat were in a boat, Pete fell out. Who was left?

Repeat.

Etc.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2inHard
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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My wife is nervous about having to talk to strangers on a cruise we are about to take.

I said, β€œDon’t worry. We are all in the same boat.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
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"Dad, why do scuba divers roll backward off boats?"

"Because if they rolled forward, they'd still be in the boat."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
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3 ducks

3 ducks in a boat

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chriscat5
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
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Build up at least 3/10

3 men were on a boat, having dinner. In between the starter and main dishes they went smoking on the deck. Once arrived on the deck, the one with the cigarettes figured he had 4 cigarettes but no lighter. He threw one cigarette overboard so that the boat became a cigarette lighter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpicyForefingers
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
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Beyonce

I told my wife I was a massive fan of Beyonce and she replied "What ever floats your boat".

I said no, thats Buoyancy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greatbigfrog
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
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What do you call a U-Boat commander's pet dog?

A subwoofer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/paranoid_cyborg
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2017
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4 men were sitting in a boat about to smoke a cigarette, when they realized they didn't have a cigarette lighter.

So, they threw one cigarette off their boat and the boat became one cigarette lighter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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Why do scuba divers dive backwards?

Because if they did forward, they'd end up in the boat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/raaalphs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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Why do scuba divers fall backward out of the boat?

Because if they fell forward they’d still be in the boat!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DueceOfAce
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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Four men are stranded with nothing but cigarettes on a boat with no way to light them

So they throw one cigarette off board, and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HalalPork97
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat?

Because if they fell forward they would still be in the boat

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πŸ‘€︎ u/extremeavYT
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
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Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of a boat?

If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wildman1286
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
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