It was a virtual corny-copia of wit!
Ya dig!
"Do you sell flip flips ?"
By that I mean, you'll need a map and a shovel to find her.
Because X marks the spot
Because it's a seacret
That explains why I have so many hereditary diseases.
Because he is shellfish.
To hide his booty!
It was the booty calls.
I ran inside to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in the garden...
Arrrrchaeologists
But she wouldn't tell me under where.
That's what holds his booty
Ex marks the spot.
Because he was a little shellfish.
Goodwill Hunting.
A tiYARRa. 👑
They put them in the hold and, as it was fair weather, didn't strap them down.
However, as they sailed on, they hit a storm, the ship knocked back and forth.
The captain went down to check on the treasure to find it sliding around the deck.
As a crewman asked how bad it was, the captain replied...
"Booty! Booty! Booty! Booty! Rocking everywhere!"
[This is probably my worst joke yet]
Thank you for the stranger kind gold
Eggs marks the spot
A Loch
Taking off the sea cups.
(My wife actually should get most the credit)
That wasn't very cache Monet of you.
All offenses aside, I’m originally from Britain and we make fun of the Irish ALL the time.
So an Irishman stumbles upon a genie’s lamp and says to himself “ooh laddy what have we found here? I tink I’ll give it a rub to see if a genie appears!”
So he does, and lo, a puff of blue smoke comes pouring out of the spout, billows into the air and the genie’s form becomes solid. It speaks, “Oh master of the lamp, I am your genie and I grant you three wishes.”
The Irishman’s eyes are wide open with glee, his cheeks and nose red with fire, he shouts “tree wishes?! That’s just brilliant!” For me first wish, I’ll have a bottle of whiskey that never runs dry.”
The genie, eyes rolling, clicks his fingers and POOF a nice big bottle of whiskey appears before the Irishman. “Well I tink we’ll have to put this to the test!” He snatches up the bottle, takes a long healthy swig, glug glug glug, and the bottle pops as he releases it from his lips, “Ahhhhhhhh!!!” And to his amazement as soon as the liquid in the bottle settled, it gave a large burping “bulp!”, released a large bubble, and when the bubble popped the bottle was full again. “WELL I’LL BE! THAT’S THE MOST INCREDIBLE TING!”
The genie, steadfastly unimpressed, reminded the Irishman “Master, I will bring you fortune, splendor, reputation, treasures beyond any imagination. You have two wishes remaining. What would master want for a wish?”
The Irishman looks to the genie and says “oh tat’s easy! I’ll have two more of these!”
Because that’s where he buried his treasure.
They sniff out the booty
...is only one sea away from Ireland?
For example: http://robbieshort.com/images/Ug_Sun_EatInTakeOut.jpg
After I let one rip with moderate force, my dad responded by bellowing out (in a crowded restaurant) "SPEAK ON SWEET LIPS THAT NEVER TOLD A LIE!". I turned a lovely shade of puce, and made every effort to show that I had never seen this strange man before.
http://imgur.com/hJn6KzC
Christmas was at Mom's house this year. She has to buy at least 10 lbs of sugar to make all the treats and candy that everyone wants. She has all of the candy and pies and things on the counter in the dinning room. As family members arrived and everyone made their way passed the dinning room my niece(14) came in.
Her: You've been standing in here for a while.
Me: Yup, it's the sweetest spot in the house.
family walks into Denny's
Waitress: "Welcome to Denny's! Just five of you today?"
Dad: "Yes, four adults, one child."
Waitress: "Alright, would you like a kids menu today?"
Dad: "No thanks, I just had three. They were delicious."
-_-
so i know it was finally time. i went to his house and gave him my most treasured gift: my book "1001 Dad Jokes" he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said " thank you so much, im honored" which made me start crying. i responded with the only thing i could say "hi honored im dad"
Sucks. He would have made a great second grade treasurer.
Aye Matey!
EDIT: Yarr Thanks far the treasure laddy, I do love me some gold.
Treasurer
Water-tight bundles of untraceable drug-dealer cash.
Lost somewhere on the beach between West Palm Beach and Nag's Head, NC.
Also, loose pirate treasure of gold or silver.
Sentimental value. Small reward offered.
You'd think it would be "Rrrrr!" But his first love is always the "C"
Because it was shellfish
Because he was a little shellfish.
Because he was a little shellfish!
