I would tell you a traffic pun but it would drive you crazy.
My wife and I were stuck in traffic, and I said, “I’m turning round”.
She said, “Stop eating so many burgers then”.
Do you now why dosen't a tomato pass through a traffic light?
A Police Officer pulls over a Miner at a Traffic Stop
Officer: "Whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?
Miner: "Mine."
My wrists are killing me from driving my coworkers everyday through tunnels and traffic.
Dr. Says I have a bad case of car pool tunnel.
The sporting goods store downtown was having a big sale on canoe paddles, but traffic and road construction made it real pain to get there...
...yeah, it was quite the ordeal to get the oar deal.
Let’s just ignore the fact that would cause mass traffic
I got in a car accident with a snow man and wanted to warn oncoming traffic
So I put out some snow cones.
What did the air traffic controller say to the angry pilot?
Traffic rules apply, kids
No left on read! I will know.
How do you make a traffic jam?
I've just seen a traffic accident in town, a police car crashed into a fire engine.
I was going to call for an ambulance, but that might've been asking for trouble.
LA traffic is reminding me why it's called the 405
Because anywhere you go, it takes 4 or 5 hours
What does a crow with a jersey accent say to the man about to step into traffic?
After the pilot had a sudden heart attack, an air traffic controller had to coach a passenger in landing a cargo jet full of various cuts of select Kobe beef
The steaks had never been higher
I saw Kevin Hart stop at a traffic light yesterday...
Why did the traffic light go red?
Because it saw a pretty car.
I don’t understand why people like traffic jams so much.
They always line up for it.
I was sitting in traffic the other day...
That's probably why I got ran over
Why did the guitar player have to give up playing after the traffic accident?
What do you call a depressed traffic jam?
Carpool Tunnel
...just might fix this dang traffic problem we're having
A typist was involved in a traffic accident
White-out conditions blamed.
What happened when a strawberry decided to cross the road?
They took down the traffic lights in my town
They sure have a roundabout way of doing things.
🤦🏻♂️
Hate getting stuck in a traffic jam...
Boy, this traffic is ruff
What did the traffic light say to the car as it passed?
"Don't look I'm changing!"
Why do traffic lights turn red?
You'd turn red too if you had to change in the middle of the street.
Do you know why the amount of traffic accidents is so high in Washington?
Because the people there can't Seattle.
They say that 40 is the new 30
Kent traffic police beg to differ...
Have you heard about the new restaurant the Mafia just opened up?
Foot traffic for indoor dining is a little slow, but they do a great TAKEOUT business
Isn't all marine traffic 'current'?
After years of using dial up, I finally upgraded to high speed internet. I didn't realize the internet traffic!
But I was able to e-merge.
Traffic was great today...
An angry fruit yells at traffic in front of them
I jaywalked on the way to work this morning. A traffic cop stopped me and handed me a whale.
He said he was "giving me a cetacean for not crossing at the light."
Today I drove to work and because of the chaotic traffic I ran my car into another man's. As he got out of the car I saw he was a gentleman of the smaller persuasion, a dwarf. He said "I'm not happy."
I asked "Which one are you then?"
The collective noun for kangaroos is a "troop". What is the collective noun for cars?
Saw this in traffic, and was told to post here too.
Printer or Traffic. This ink cause a jam.
A traffic cop went to the trouble of leaving a note under the wipers to let me know I'd positioned my car correctly.
It said "Parking fine". So that was nice.
How was traffic today? It was stop and go.
I present the traffic signs of Ohio
What do you call a brown delivery truck blocking traffic?
There's only one traffic sign that informs you and launches an investigation
Got stuck in traffic on the mule carriageway.
What is Alanis Morissette's favorite jelly?
A traffic jam...when she's already late.
My buddy quit his job as an air traffic controller to become a monk, and now regrets it.
It’s like he got out of flying plans and into the friar.
Traffic on 90 is nuts today
Stastistics show the most common type of weed found in traffic stops is Indica
With the barber shop finally open after many weeks, there was a huge crowd of people jostling for position to get in...
They really need a hair traffic controller.
I don't like traffic jams.
I much prefer strawberry or raspberry.
Last night I was late to a dinner with friends because I couldn't find any parking. Eventually, I just parked the car in a place with a lot of foot traffic.
What do you call rocket traffic?
What is a baseball player's favorite kind of traffic collision?
What’s the worst kind of jelly to put in your PB&J?
As things go, green traffic lights are useful.
I saw a huge traffic jam involving several semi trucks
Why did the USSR have so many traffic jams?
I didn't understand my friend telling me the difference between a rotary and a traffic circle...
It was a roundabout explanation.
Kid's of Air traffic control employees must get grounded a lot.
Why did Dwight Schrute cross the road?
I got stuck in a high traffic area
turns out the Cannabis Cup was in town
BREAKING NEWS The M6 has become blocked after a truck shed its load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes...
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery.
I was sitting in traffic this morning when I noticed the guy in the car next to me was playing an electric guitar.
On the other side was someone doing the same, and behind me was a person on a full drum kit. In the car in front was a guy with a mic screaming out some kind of song. None of the cars were moving, they were all just rocking out playing music. It was at that moment that I realised I was stuck in the middle of a traffic jam.
Channel Shark News
I wrote a little skit for my grandkids let's see how much I remember. CHUM 8 news Ted Hammerhead reporting with sky Chompter traffic report. Top story, a lone shark, who is a loan shark is alone in the dark making loans to sharks! There is a new place to gamble, the place is full of sharks who turn out to be card sharks playing card games with sharks on the cards. Imagune the dogs playing poker for this story, but it's sharks. The other reporter asks Ted Hammerhead how he did on his recent drivers test, Ted responds "nailed it". Crime scene where a clown has been killed and the Detective states, " No way a shark did this as they taste funny". On a comment about the victim. I never did the weather or figured out names for the other reporters we used to laugh and laugh at my stupid puns.
Edit: I can't spell fixed typos
Traffic ticket in Atlanta
Watch out while driving through Atlanta, Ga. I hit a seagull, it flipped off my windshield and hit the cop car behind me. He pulled me over and ticketed me.
Whatever you do, don't flip the bird to the cops in Georgia.
The city council wanted to install a new traffic light at the busy intersection
They just needed the mayor to green light the project
I was stuck in traffic behind a big smoky truck today
Someone went to journalism school for this
I got stuck in traffic in downtown today.
It was a pretty city situation.
What did the traffic light say to the car?
“Don’t look, I’m about to change!”
What did the traffic light say to the car as it passed?
"Don't look I'm changing!"
What did the traffic light say to the car as it passed?
"Don't look I'm changing!"
What did one traffic light say to the other?
What did the traffic light say to the car as it passed?
"Don't look I'm changing!"
My wife and I were stuck in traffic. I said, “I’m turning round.”
She said, “I know. Stop eating bacon.”
I was sitting in traffic the other day
Probably why I got run over
Why did the traffic light turn red?
It was embarrassed to change in the street!
What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don’t look, I’m changing!
What did the traffic light say to ther car?
"Don't look I'm changing!"
After being stuck in traffic for an hour, I turned to my wife and said, “That’s it. I’m turning round.”
She said, “Then stop eating so many cheeseburgers.”
What did the traffic light say to the passing driver?
Don't look, I'm changing.
What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don’t look! I’m about to change!
My wife and I were stuck in traffic for a long time. Frustrated, I looked at her and said, “I’m turning round.”
She said, “I know. Stop eating so much bacon.”
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
That's probably why I got run over.
What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don’t look, I’m changing!
What did the traffic light say to the car? "Don't look! I'm about to change."
I don’t understand people in traffic.
Like why they are so horny.
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