Glass bottle recycling truck in my home town
The graveyard near my town is really crowded...
People are just dying to get in
1986, The Chernobyl reactor exploded, releasing a bright, radioactive beam into the sky. People in towns away stared at it in awe.
They must've thought that it was pretty rad
The car dealership in my town just doubled its size.
Now it can offer a whole lot more.
A thief in a small town stole all the toilets...
Police issued a statement saying they had 'nothing to go on'
The new funeral home in town will not let me view my loved ones before their burial, sadly.
Our local priest rides around our town on a motorbike all day.
*while my dad and I drive past a cemetery*
Dad: "Did you know that the people who live in this town aren't allowed to be buried in that cemetery?"
Me: "Oh, why?"
Dad: "Cuz they're still alive."
My son is going to college in a town in Iowa...
He Ames to get a good education.
Did you hear about the locksmith convention coming to town?
I hear they've got the keynote speaker locked up.
The ad said the Hulk is coming to town.
I read it on the Bruce Banner.
I found myself bereft at the chaos that run through the winding streets of China town. The horror
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
There’s an abandoned French bakery in my town
What town do peppers come from?
All the Indian bakeries in my town shut down because of Covid.
They fired all Naan essential staff.
My town throws a festival for the salmon spawn each year. This is what they call companies that contribute a significant amount of money.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after breaking his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
My girlfriend asked me to feed her anaconda hotdogs while she is out of town. I did, but it wouldn’t touch them. Confused, I called her and asked why
She said: “My anaconda don’t want none unless it has buns, hun”
I was driving with my dad through a town we hadn't been through.
At a point he turned to me and said "we're near the dead center of this town."
"What makes you think that?"
He points past me and I turn to see a sign for the city cemetery.
My friend knows just who he can trust in the seedy part of town to get him safe candy and sweets...
This old dystopian town has no police or humour.
A baker in my town accidentally fell inside a truck full of French bread.
Which town got built the fastest?
I own a fake town which is actually a horror theme park and I only let a few people in at a time to keep demand and prices high.
It's called artificial scare-city
There’s a running joke around this town...
Hopefully someone catches it.
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
I was in town earlier on looking for some fly killer. I picked up a can and asked the young store assistant "Excuse me, is this any good for wasps?"
"No" he said, "It kills them"
I let my out of town girlfriend know her vegetable service delivered a package today and I had some bad news.
She asked what had happened to it,
I told her the box had a leek in it.
My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited.
When she passed away I fulfilled my promise.
She’s dead and berried.
WHY DOES IT STINK IN PENNYWISE'S HOME TOWN?
Because of the Derry Air...
My 15 year old just came up with this one....be kind.
Apparently a town in South Wales is having greater lockdown restrictions imposed on it....
.....and it wouldn't have happened if people there had done things more Caerphilly.
While driving down in a part of town we don't usually visit, my 12yo son noticed and mentioned a barber shop named Roman Palace.
I told him they only do Caesar cuts.
There is a guy stealing Iphones around town
He is probably going to face time
I said to my daughter, ”It’s time for bed, the cows are asleep in the field”. She asked ”what’s that got to do with anything’?
I said “It’s pasture bedtime”.
There's a nutcase going around our town stabbing people with knitting needles.
Twelve individuals have been attacked in the last 48 hours.
The Police have announced that the attacker could be following some kind of pattern
Mike Tyson and I were talking about our friend Sarah who had just gotten into town. I asked, "so, how did she get from L.A. to here?" He replied...
I work with a small town search and rescue. We recently had a guy visiting from the big city to do some kayaking on the river.
He doesn't know the area and gets himself lost. All he does know is that there are a lot of grizzly bears roaming around during the salmon spawn this time of year, so he's quite afraid to get out of his kayak.
The temperature starts to drop. He needs to stay warm, and decides to build a fire inside his little boat on the river.
He learnt a valuable lesson that night: you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after breaking his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
A mime in my town was arrested after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
In my town they arrested a mime that got into a bar fight and broke his left arm...
He still has the right to remain silent...
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