Four Seasons Total Lawn Care created some good ones after the bizarre press conference Saturday such as "Lawn and Order" and "Make America Rake Again" - I don't see them using this one on their promotional materials though:
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danarchist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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With the McRib re-released a couple of days ago, I did this at McDonalds drive-thru today:

Me: Do you have Mac Rib in that special box.

Order Girl: Yes, yes we do.

Me: You should let him out. And I'll take three of them and a large fry.

(I was the only one that laughed, she just read back my total)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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A whimsical tale...

There once was a princess named Emily, but the royal family called her Em for short. One day the king posed a riddle in order to choose a suitor for his eldest daughter, Elizabeth. The riddle was as follows:

Elizabeth has two apples, and Emily has one apple. Emily gives Elizabeth her apple as a wedding gift. How might you calculate the total amount of apples Elizabeth has presently?

Many days passed and no one could figure out the answer. Of course, on the first day a man came and answered, β€œSire, to calculate the amount of apples Elizabeth has, you must add Emily’s apple.” He was promptly executed.

After this, the kingdom was stumped. Nobody knew how to calculate Elizabeth’s apples if the answer was not to simply to add Emily’s apple, and none dared to try and answer unless they were absolutely sure of it.

One night, a young man, determined to find the answer, climbed up the palace walls to watch the royal family as they ate.

β€œFather,” said Emily, β€œhave you made the riddle too hard? No one has been able to guess it yet.”

β€œNo worries Em,” responded the king, I have confidence that the time will come soon.”

The young man descended the wall, having learned the secret to the riddle.

The next day, dressed In his finest clothes, the young man approached the king with the answer to the riddle.

β€œWhat is your answer, young man?” declared the king.

The young man replied, β€œIn order to calculate Elizabeth’s apples, you must ADD EM’S APPLE.”

The king answered β€œlol get it?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Diezlk9
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2017
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There's a little known country in central Europe that is ruled by a monarchy...

Not many people are aware of its existence but I assure that it is there all the same. The king of this little land faces a lot of difficulty. He wants to make his kingdom into a sovereign nation but unfortunately they do not have the infrastructure, population, or economy to do so. In fact, this small state is only known for a single export. Thanks to their proximity to some of the finest gold and other metals in the world but total lack of an ability to process those metals on a mass scale, they have been left with only one option. You know the saying; when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Make lemonade they did. This tiny territory is renowned for creating the highest quality watches in the world. No expense is spared and their elite group of craftsmen train for their entire lives from childhood to produce these terrific timepieces. Men of great wealth and taste have been known to trade entire fortunes for just a single one of these watches; that is how valuable they are.

The king knows this and he knows that only a small portion of his populace can ever hope to become one of the respected elite, let alone hold one of their masterpieces in their own hands. Being a very just and fair man, the king ordered the most senior watchmaker in the land to create something the likes of which had never been seen. A watch of such great craftsmanship so as to be above monetary value. The man labored long and hard for many nights to produce the king's watch. When he at last presented the completed work to his lord - in front of the entire nation, no less - he was met with thunderous applause and a warm embrace. He had done it! The king then made a shocking announcement.

"This masterpiece belongs to my people!"

When the roaring of the crowd died down he continued.

"This watch shall be a symbol of my love for all of you. Though I rule over you with supreme authority I do not wish a single one of you to feel that you do not have a voice in the ruling of this nation. From this day on let anyone who doubts my decisions or questions my judgment wear this watch and stand as my equal to voice their concerns. Should even a single one of you think me unfair or wrong in any matter then simply come to my castle and I will present you this token of good faith."

The king made good on his word and from that day on all citizens knew they held the right to challenge their king's rulings. Over time the watch became a symbol of fairness throughout the land. Anyone who wore it

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2016
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Today I pulled a dadjoke on a dad....

As I work in a restaurant, a dad and his teenage son came for to go food order. When the dad had to sign the receipt, he asked what’s the total to his son as he could not see properly. His son replied, it’s $80.65 can’t you see? Dad goes, β€œwait till you get to 46” His son being irritated, I asked, Where’s do you see yourself in two years?” Son was speechless, and I told him, β€œ I was checking if you had a 2020 vision” The dad laughed in shame.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmanish
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2018
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Dadjoked by a sweet old lady!

So I delivered 3 orders of garlic knots to a little old lady tonight. I repeated the order and the total, as I always do, and the old lady tells me she was feeling a bit naughty, with a wink.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Homer_Goes_Crazy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2015
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A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before the problems start!"

A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before the problems start!"

He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, "Give me a beer before the problems start!"

The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man "When are you going to pay for these beers?"

The man answers, "Now the problems start"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Teachdis
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2018
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Customer got me on Drive Thru

I was working on drive thru when a father and son came through and the total for their order was $21.22. So when I told them, the son said something and the father burst out laughing. The father then said 23, 24. It took me a moment to get it but then we all laughed about it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnnyAD23
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2015
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Classic dadjoke at Work the Other Day.

Father and son place there order and arrive at the cash register to pay and the total was $12.03.

Dad "You got three cents?" Son "No." Dad "Course not you got no sense."

son groaned, I chuckled

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πŸ‘€︎ u/loknarrDotF
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2014
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Dropping dad jokes at the dadeli

Earlier today I accompanied my dad to the grocery store. Eventually, my dad made his way to the deli in the store and ordered two pounds of bologna. When he was rung up, his total was almost 3 dollars. I don't eat bologna, but I presumed that was high when my dad suddenly exclaimed, "That's a bunch of baloney!" and chuckled to himself. My conformist dad bought it anyways.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2014
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My mom told a dad joke today.

(ordering pizza)

Me "Half pepperoni, half cheese"

Her "What side do you want the pepperoni on?"

Me "...."

I was speechless! Usually I'm on my comeback game when dealing with my dad, but this was totally unexpected.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChromaMean
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2013
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