In the gay world, men's sexual preferences are frequently categorized as top, bottom, or versatile (willing to top or bottom). Are there established signs for these three preferences? I'm particularly curious about versatile, because even if I went very English, I'm not sure how I would sign this except to explain it every time. But if there is a sign already, I'd love to learn it!
Hey guys. I don't want this to sound like a complaint because so far I have great sex life. Here's the thing, I am 100% versatile but for some strange reason I always have to top even when I play with versatile or versatile top guys. Ideally, I would love to flip, I love it, but it would be nice to bottom here and there. Does any other versatile guys out there with the same situation?
...and no, I'm not looking for answers like "people assume I'm a top when my dick's inside them" or "people assume I'm an X because I tell them." I'm actually kind of intrigued by what people tend to use as heuristics for judging this distinction.
For example, when my boyfriend and I came out, the people that actually wanted to talk about our sex lives generally had the idea that I was the more sexually dominant partner while he was the more financially dominant partner, like a bad parenting sitcom. So, they assumed I topped.
However, one friend was certain that my partner was the top in our relationship. His reasoning? "Well, you cook."
Ever run into any weird heuristics for determining who screws who? Height, weight, and musculature are pretty well known, but I was curious if anyone has been judged on weirder criteria, like who cooks.
Until now I identified myself as gay, but recently I learnt that it was not the case. Iβm bisexual, more inclined to men. So how is it when youβre bisexual, do you say you top? (My case) or how it works?
Edit: Iβm glad I embraced my bisexual part. Iβm meeting respectful and interesting people here on reddit, also in ask gay bros Iβm more active, sharing more, posting more.
When I was growing up, I didn't think exclusive tops and bottoms were a thing in gay relationships. I thought it was just a thing that straight people came up with, similar to that "who's the man in the relationship" bullshit. I thought that pretty much everyone was a switch. But as I grew up and became more familiar with the community, I discovered that this was infact a thing.
I am myself a switch (pan trans girl) but I'm curious what percentage of the community is exclusively a top or bottom. Is it different for gay vs lesbian individuals? For bi people, does it change based on the gender of your partner? All thought s on the topic would be appreciated.
Also bonus question. In a typical gay relationship the terms top and bottom have a pretty clear meaning, but what do these terms mean in your typical lesbian relationship?
Double bonus question. Why in yaoi manga/webcomics is it always a seme/uke relationship? Why are switches so rare in this medium?
I mean, I know how it was for me, but I'm curious to hear other experiences from other people... When was it that you realized you were a bottom/top/versatile? Did you had to try it first or did you always knew? Did you start as a bottom and then turned versatile or into top only? Did you tried bottoming and figure you were top only? Or did you go by your initial guess and never had the need to try something else? Tell me, please, I'm curious!
Besides the obvious in preference. Are there any other things that make you go, yeah he's a top.?
Im curious how mans preference change over time. Do you stick to a role you like or do you change over time? I was top since well forever, it just happened that I never had to bottom. The times I tried anal stimulation by myself I did not like it. I'm with my boyfriend now for almost seven years. At the beginning of this year we tried to flip and now I'm a bottom 90% of the time we have sex. I guess were trying to make up for the time we both lost, it just fits us at the moment. Would I go back to being a total top, for him yes if he wanted.
I had a 12 year long open relationship. All the sex I had during this time was very quick and transactional (this is what I am into, what are you into, ok, we are a match, let's do it), I recently broke up with him and I find myself in the world of dating again. So here is what happened to me, a lot sooner than I thought it would.
A guy from another country asked to stay with me on couchsurfing. We started to chat on whatsapp almost 2 weeks before his arrival and we realise that we really are into each other. We enjoy chatting, we have lots of things in common, he is super super handsome, so I was getting very excited about him staying with me one night, on his way to another place,
But I also got a little anxious because I did not know what he's into sexually. I am a total bottom... So what if it turned out he was a bottom too? I am also super shy when I have to approach someone, so I almost never take a first step, even on grindr and such.
Anyway, he comes, I planned a whole day of fun and activities and visits for him, we really like each other, it seems. When we are at a spa, he jokingly slips his fingers under the wasitbad of my swimshorts (at the back) touching my butt. We giggle about it. Then, at some point, I was changing my shirt so he comes behind me and reaches out for my chest, and makes some noises that seemed to show he liked me but was also syper shy and akward. But so was I, so we didn't do anything, Late in the evening, we get back to my place, I open a bottle of sparkly win, we get into bed, he rests his head on my chest, I kiss his forehead. We are in our underwear, it's really hot inside. Anyway we chat, we drink, then he slowly falls asleep. I switch off the lights and we end up sleeping in each other's arms the whole night, no sex, no kissing, just sleeping and hugging.
In the morning, when he left I finally get my courage and I kiss him, he kisses me back and he leaves. 4 weeks later, we made a plan to see each other in another city and spend a weekend together. This will happen in 3 weeks time.
I am still tormented by the question: is he a bottom too? can someone really be even more shy than I am? He keeps saying how he is looking forward to taking a bath together, being naked and drinking and that he wants more kisses and hugs from me. I am prepared, at this moment, for the chance that we are both bottoms and we will just have a good laugh about it and that would be i. But still..... Is there a way to know before? What
... keep reading on reddit β‘
Someone has that in his grindr profile
This sub makes it seem like strict top are the majority and easy to find. Yet on grindr I see people complain about the lack of them, even when I fake my location to other countries
So are strict tops really rare?
By versatile shame I mean the ones who say no bottoms(understandable) or vers guys(dumb), as if versatile guys can't fuck them. I don't understand why a bottom wouldn't be interested in a guy because he's adaptable to his partner.
Watching porn as an early teen that I imagined myself as the top but I also enjoyed fingering myself so I wasn't sure.
My first few sexual experiences at 18 years old happened to be with a top (he pursued me at a convenience store; I didn't know he was a top until we were about to do it) but I didn't enjoy someone else being in control. I gave it several tries and never really liked it. My first few times topping wasn't great either because I lacked confidence big time, but it was something I wanted to do more and it felt a lot more natural and satisfying to me (both emotionally and physically).
Interested to know how others discovered their role preference. Did you know before your first time or did it take experience to figure it out?
Like the title says , when ? Some guys get offended when you ask them this question . .
It's easier when it comes to the gay apps as many men mention what they prefer on their profile so you don't have to ask , but what about the men that you meet on other Social media ? Facebook , Twitter , Instagram , etc... .
How & when is the right time to approach this topic ? Imagine you have been talking for few weeks & suddenly you find out both of you are pure exclusive bottoms . Wouldn't that be embarrassing ? .
I mean if it were me I wouldn't pursue the relationship further & just be friends after that , but my problem is the "WASTE OF TIME" , all this time I could have gone for someone else, but stuck with this this guy cause I thought there's a chance he could be a Top . .
& all of this could be avoided if you could just ask the person their preference on the first day you meet without them getting OFFENDED ! . .
So how do you guys do it without wasting your time ? When do you ask ?
Just kinda curious about what the gaymers think!
I'm versatile I love to see a guy smile either when he's in me or when I'm in him ;P
I know the traditional straight sexual roles are officially pretty "rigid" eg- guys are supposed to be dominant and women submissive.
But I do wonder how many straight guys consider themselves "versatile" or "switching" in a "vanilla" kind of way (not necessarily BDSM), and make it a part of their identity.
I am heavily attracted to people who are versatile/fluid in their sexual expression- eg. able to be both active/ leading in sex, but also open to yielding to me sexually & let me be more dominant to them. There is nothing hotter than the feeling of somebody yielding to me & equally there is nothing more satisfying than being held by somebody & allowed to let go.
I am a woman and I have found it easier to encounter other women who are like that, but I have also recently discovered that there are guys with whom such an exchange is possible.
I am interested in dating men as well as women & I am not sure how to go about finding the relevant demographic of guys- is such versatility more common in guys who are in some way part of the LGBT community? - be it due to being bi, or gender non-conforming etc. or is it also relatively common in straight guys who would consider themselves gender-conforming.
Edit: wow, why is this getting down voted?
In other words: do you consider yourself versatile because you're willing to fill either role, or because you must fill both roles?
I'm curious to see if there's a pattern when it comes to physical style and role in the bedroom.
Example: I'm a tomboy but when it comes to sex I am generally a top. Although, I can be versatile every so often.
*For those who don't know. Top=dominant, bottom=submissive, versatile=can switch roles.
Edit: it's been fun reading all your comments so far. Very interesting responses. Keep them coming :)
( Ν‘Ν‘ Β° Ν Κ Ν‘ Β°)
Hey everyone, so I don't know if this is the right place to ask but I wanted to hear your advice.
Last year in august I met a really interesting person which I instantly felt attracted to. Thing is that we are both tops. We knew this before we met each other but still we met several times.
It was not the usual hook up get together but more like a really nice connection, so we didn't get right to the sexy time^^ But when we did, it got kind of weird. He always tried to dominate me and then I, because I didn't really like it, also dominated him. So it was kind of a weird rolling around on the couch and see who gets out on top.
I have to say that he a quite tall guy and he is also very strong, I am a bit more slim athletic kind of guy. But anyway, It was obviously weird for both of us. Like I said we knew that we both are tops. So before we met I was always thinking about him, so I told myself that I will try being bottom, just for him.
I tried being bottom with my ex, but it really felt more like rape. I didn't like it at all.
It was quite the shock when I found out how his cock looks like. It's just huge. I cannot describe how "disappointed" I was in that moment. ( I know most gays like big dongs, but I like them small and compact :P) It was at this moment when I realized, that I would never get this thing inside me without dying of pain. It really looks like a big club which gets bigger till the end.
ok long story short: Things happened and we stopped seeing each other which really hurt me because I really fell in love. Sometimes we would message each other but nothing more.
Now I met him at a clubbing and we both knew that there may be more to it. So I hope to see him again soon.
SO MY QUESTION:
I think I got a really tight ass and I tried to put my fingers in and it felt like the bones are way to tight to let anything that big in. This may be a weird question, but it it possible to be anatomically unfuckable. If you know what I mean.
And if not, how can I possibly, prepare for this anal apocalypse. I am not kidding, it is fucking huge, especially in width. And my ass is like the most untouched ass in the world.
Sorry for the long post, maybe somebody is bored and cares to write me.
