Unedited; questionable language.
Previously: Pole dancing. Cat fighting. I think that might be just about every "previously on" description for this show.
It is morning. Rodeo works out. Sam brushes her teeth. Well, at least one girl has perfunctory hygiene. Heather reminds us that there are two camps in the house: the bad girls/A Team/varsity squad, who are her, Brandi C., Lacey, and Kristia; and the good girls, who are Magdalena, Erin, Jes, Mia, Sam, Dallas. Heather also calls these the "fake girls." Tough talk from a woman fashioned of silicone, rusty car parts, and Tang. Lacey tells us that she's feeling devil horns poking out of her skull, and is going to have to do something to get her current archnemesis, fur- and meat-loving Dallas, out of the house.
Big John delivers some Bret Mail: "Hope you're all rested/'Cause today your skills will be tested/Are you the one that goes fast?/Who puts the pedal to the gas?/Well, get geared up and ready to start/'Cause today you girls will race for my heart./The fastest four will win a date." Oh my God, could they not just add a "hurry up and don't be late" or something at the end? I can't bear the unresolved rhyming couplet! Kristia is psyched, because she's a big fan of the crosses -- motocross, supercross, snowcross, Jesus on the cross. She's all about it.
The girls get dressed and head to a motocross track, where there are bikes all lined up for them. Three helmeted folks come racing toward them. One is Bret, who takes off his helmet while ensuring that his black bandana doesn't come off in the process. And I mean, thank God. We've seen what's on top of his head, and it's quite possible that it has turned people blind and/or to stone. Bret is a big motorcycle and motocross fanatic -- he says that motocross is one of the most important things in his life, and he wants his lady to enjoy riding as well. He introduces his co-riders: nine-time women's world motocross champion (or something) Mercedes Gonzalez, and soon to be nine-time world champion Charity Okerson. Oh, yay, some real lesbians and not just Tawny and Heather doing shots out of each others' cleavage! Bret says that they're bitter rivals, and are going to take their aggression out on the contestants. On the motocross track. And perhaps off. I mean, who really knows? Erin looks terrified. I don't know why, since if she flies off of the bike and lands chest down she'll just bounce right back on. Heather, however, is psyched, and determined to win th
... keep reading on reddit ➡This week is an iconic one - let's get started!
JANUARY 10TH
RHOA, S8E10, 2016
Lauren and Porsha talk through the issues about Porsha being mad about Lauren's pregnancy, and Porsha asks why she told her so late. Lauren says she was worried she'd upset Porsha, as she's the older sister and wanted kids before her.
Kenya and her father go to a family reunion in Detroit and on the way Kenya makes a stop at her mother's house and knocks at the door. She hears her mom lock the door, but her mom never acknowledges her despite her pleas from outside and Kenya leaves broken-hearted, and her dad tells her he told her so. Once at the family reunion, Kenya decks everyone out in t-shirts with "Kenya's Family Reunion" on them, and calls her grandma - the one who raised her - a "sassy raccoon". Excuse me, what?
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https://preview.redd.it/kdk7r14p9pa81.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=f415ed950ff61d1532564e5e617b9ea40981a7ae
RHOBH, S7E6, 2017
Kyle, forever tainted by season two's game night, hires a professional game night planner - Dana - I'm kidding, their name is Cal. When the women arrive, Dorit fawns over Eden calling her "adorable" and "a beautiful girl", and talks about liking skinny dipping and practically invited Eden to a heated pool.. and this is the same woman who didn't defend Denise, alright! Dorit even asks Eden if she's a lesbian.
The women bring up panty gate - again, as there's nothing the Beverly Hills women like more than Chilean sea bass and a beating a horse that's just bones - and Kim Richards asks why it's a big deal at their age for a woman not to wear underwear. As always, it turns into a fight between Kim and Rinna.
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RHONJ, S8E13, 2018 (FINALE)
Siggy's son JOSH-UA let her know he got into Penn State, which just delights her.
Teresa takes two of her dorters to see their dad, and we don't see anything as cameras are obviously not allowed.
Marge is having a party in her unfinished house, but the party planner makes it look great. Everyone arrives, but Dolores comes with bad news - Siggy is in the hospital. Danielle rolls her eyes while she hears Siggy badly hurt her ankle. We cut to a scene where Siggy is moaning at the bottom of the stairs, and we are
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
And now I’m cannelloni
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
And boy are my arms legs.
He lost May
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
Calcium, nickel, neon
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Or would that be too forward thinking?
Unedited; questionable language
Previously: Silicone. Catfighting. Pole-dancing. A possible foursome. And the elimination of Brandi C. and one of the greatest reality-show contestants of all time, Rodeo. She will be missed.
So, it pains me to admit this, but there is one photo in the opening credits where Bret looks totally hot. His face is partly obscured by a cowboy hat, which might be part of it. My New Year's resolution is to make that stop happening, or gouge out my own eyes.
We enter on the night of last week's elimination. Bret, hung over and possibly (probably) having a crab flare-up, excuses himself to get some rest. The girls do their thing, which is drinking. Brandi M. is feeling relieved after elimination, so she starts sucking down the booze to the point where she slobbers champagne down her chin. And I mean, it's bubbly! Sometimes it just squirts right out of there. It starts in your toes and flows out of your nose till your nostrils glow just like Ross Perot's. Drunken Brandi M. is apparently getting on everyone's last nerve. She asks Erin how she feels, since she wanted to go home. What is this news? How had we not heard about this before? Intriguing. Brandi admits that she was a big drunk sloppy mess. However, she doesn't seem threatened by a good time. The next morning, Brandi is hung over and pukey-feeling. However, she's not as pukey-looking as Lacey, who says that she hasn't been able to win any challenges and get alone time with Bret, which makes her nervous. She's going to have to try another strategy. I'm sure it involves being a total asshole, which will be a nice change of pace.
The girls go downstairs and find some athletic gear on the pool table along with Bret Mail. "You know a good cheerleader can turn me on / But I really like a girl who knows how to go long / So suit up ladies because it's almost game time / and as usual a date with your man is on the line / There's only one more thing / Although it brings me great sorrow / I'll be saying goodbye to one more of you tomorrow." Heather is psyched, because she loves football. Jes, meanwhile, is ready to win a challenge and finally get a date with Bret.
The girls are divided into two teams. The Sweethearts are Brandi, Jes, Magdalena and Mia. The Fallen Angels are Heather, Lacey, Erin and Sam. You know it took every ounce of strength that Bret has in him not to name the teams The Roses and The Thorns. Brandi thinks her team, with the exception of Magdalena, will rock. What'
... keep reading on reddit ➡Unedited; questionable language
Previously: Catfighting. Pole-dancing. Lacey is quite possibly insane, and kind of so is Rodeo.
We enter just after Kristia and Dallas have been eliminated. Things in the house are getting crazy, which I'm sure comes as a great surprise. Brandi C. is sad that her best friend Kristia was eliminated, so opts to drown her sorrows in some booze. Amidst all the revelry, Rodeo looks kind of serious. Normally, she'd be up on the pole with the rest of them, but she says she all of a sudden realized that she missed her son. Kids are such the buzzkill. She removes herself from the crowd, and Lacey, seeing this mini-breakdown as an opportunity to advance her own nefarious advancement, goes to get Bret. We cut to Bret holding a weeping and wailing Rodeo in the bathroom. Bret tells us that he consoled her and also shared how much he missed his girls. It made him feel closer to Rodeo, but at the same time he wonders how long she's going to last in the house of rock. I bet Tiffany never even would have thought about her kid once! Buck up, Rodeo.
Meanwhile, Brandi C. is wasted, and standing in the yard in her underwear. I mean, not that she doesn't do that while she's sober, but still. Jes calls her "drunkarooski," which I find hilarious. Brandi C. doesn't care to talk to the other girls now that Kristia's gone; she's going to focus her attentions on Bret. She waits outside the B.A.M.B. room until Big John tells her that it's not going to happen tonight. Her whining has no effect on the big man, and she starts crying. To ease the pain of missing her son, I think Rodeo should just hang around Brandi C., who often seems like she's seven.
The next morning, the girls are called to attention by the dulcet tones of Bret's harmonica. That's legendary harp player Bret "One-Eyed Snake Dickey Stabone Male Pattern Baldness Suffering Sugar Shock Monkey Foot" Michaels to you. Since music is the most important thing in Bret's life -- which makes one wonder why he insists on committing crimes in its name year after year -- he wants his special lady to be creative as well. For today's challenge, the girls will have the opportunity, in teams of two, to write lyrics to one of two songs from his solo album, and then perform them. One is a hard, uptempo rock song, and one is a ballad. I would choose the latter, and entitle it "Every Nose Has Its Corn," about the temptation and dangers of inserting niblets in questionable orifices. The overarching theme th
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Put it on my bill
A play on words.
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
