It makes a ton of cents.

Just a kyberpunk

Mother in law to sister in law: why aren't you in pennsylvania this week

Me: because she's here at the table with us

If you buy a bigger bed, you have more bed room but less bedroom.

The planes flew in from the outside

It's just a fig mint of my imagination

Egg salad is just pre-chicken salad

Little Booger: Why are trees green?

Me: Uh, I dunno. Why?

LB: For camouflage!

Sham-poo

COD is a very fishy game..

Hey, since we (the new mods) joined the sub 1,5 months ago we've made some changes, mostly with the rules and some backend stuff. Now I also updated the icon (slightly) and the banner (on redesign and mobile), too.

What do you guys think about it?

Do you like it? ( Yes/No ). What could be improved about it?

Also, are you happy with how we're moderating the subreddit? Are we too strict with the rules or toulouse too loose? Do the rules even make sense?

We want to improve this subreddit and we need your feedback for that, so feel free to speak your mind!

You can either simply leave a comment down here in the thread or send us a message.

Looking forward to your feedback and have a nice day! :)

I said, “Remains to be seen.”

But that might be too counter intuitive.

The boss says "I need to mull-it over..."

It usually helps, but I feel like I’m going around in circles

But, I just don't give a fork.

Buddy: Wait, so their idea was, "Your son is the devil, we can fix that with a bone marrow transplant and a virus?"

Me: No, I think they were lying about the retrovirus and just putting holy water and stuff into the marrow to exorcise him. That is my guess because they were just nuns, not real doctors.

Buddy: But, when he was freaking out at the end didn't the nurse say, "The gene therapy would have worked, but he was just too strong!"

Me: Oh yeah, maybe they had some of Jesus's DNA. So, instead of the CRISPR gene they use the CHRISTR gene....

I got an eye roll! No kids yet, but at least I know I can rise to the occasion.

Pin the tail on the donkey is just a pain in the ass

I don't want to make any rash decisions right away.

"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."

I'm an adult now, I can't keep on calling it sleepy snoozies time.

Two mini cooks spoil the broth.

A conclusion is just the place where you got tired of thinking about it

I guess hindsight is 20/20.

It has to be the top pencil by now.

Pontification.

Backstory: Many years ago I was living on my own about 45 minutes away from my parents. I had a stable job but didn't make much money and was broke most of the time. I had an old beat up car that was my only form of transportation. I would always have mechanical issues with the car and finally one morning it decided it wouldn't start no matter what.

I sheepishly had to call in to work and explain the situation and let them know that I would have to take a sick day but would figure some way to get to work the next day. I called my dad and he offered to come pick the car up on his trailer and take it back to his garage to work on it and get it in shape to trade it in.

He drives to my apartment, we get the car on the trailer and we are headed back to his house. The whole ride there I'm pretty pissed off and depressed about the whole situation. I'm worried about finding a new car and how I'm going to afford it and what I'm gonna do if I can't get it running again.

Dad senses my mood and pretty much keeps quiet the whole time. We get about three blocks away from his house and he utters this gem.

"Man, this car won't get off my ass. He's been tailgating me for 45 minutes now."

This was the perfect thing to snap me out of my funk and break the tension. I absolutely lost it. Only a Dad Joke could make me realize how trivial the whole thing was. I have told this joke to others who didn't really think it was that funny, but to me at the time it was the greatest thing ever.

Thanks Dad.

Dad: I dunno, are there gonna be any horses in it?