A list of puns related to "The Santa Clause 2"
“Santa: you’ve been around since the 4th century, seen alphabets and languages rise and fall. Do you have a favorite letter?”
Claus thinks about it, scratches his thick white beard and says: “A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z”
“Well Santa, I just asked for one. What does that mean?”
“And I gave you one! My favorite letter of the alphabet is the most Christmasy one out there! No-L!”
So what do you call a kid that doesn’t believe in Santa Claus?
A rebel without a Claus (insert all the groans here)
He finally came out of the Santa Claus-et.
The shop owner directs him to a 1,500$ parrot who can sing Christmas carols. The man doesnt believe the store owner and asks him for proof before dropping the 1,500. The store owner locks the doors and escorts the man to the back of the store and tells him “This is a very special parrot, before he sings you must warm him up by holding a lit match 12 inches beneath.” He then takes out a match, lights it and holds it a rulers length beneath the parrot. After a few moments the parrot starts sining “jingle bells” in the tone of Frank Sinatra. Thinking this might be some cheap parlor trick he asks for several more demonstrations.. “Rudolph” “Frosty the Snowman” “Drummer Boy” even “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” in the best impersonations he’s ever heard! The man gladly hands over the cash and rushes home to amaze his wife. He holds the match a rulers length and nothing. The wife laughingly says he got ripped off. “ No no honey this works watch” he does it again only holding it half a rulers length this time and still nothing! The wife, laughing hysterically, starts going back upstairs. “NO honey it really works watch!” “Im going to bed, Merry Christmas” says the wife as she turns to head up the stairs. “WAIT Honey, one more time, please!” He pulls out another match, this time holding it three inches under the parrot who then squawks out “CHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE”
Its Christmas eve and santa claus has forgotten to check the weather before his Christmas run . Just before leaving he asks Mrs claus "what's the weather like for tonight?" "Rain dear" she replies
What did Olivia Newton John say to Santa Claus when she visited the North Pole?
"Let's get physicold."
It's called the Santa Clause
It's called the Santa Clause
What did Santa say to misses clause when he looked out the window?
It looks like it's going to reindeer.
"I just had the weirdest dream, and I can't make any sense of it."
Mrs Claus sits up and replies "Why don't you tell me about it dear?"
"They're I am, doing the Christmas eve rounds, checking in on the workers and I see one of them topping up the sleigh with gas. It's just routine work, but it woke me up tonight. What do you make of it?"
"Oh I see," Mrs Claus says, "very interesting."
"Well?" Santa says expectantly.
"This is a classic example of an elf fuel filling prophecy."
Told my girlfriend I had some ideas for names for our future kids.
First was Penelope for a girl, because I always liked the nickname Penny. Girlfriend thought it was cute and agreed.
Next was Dimitri because it's not too common and sounds artsy. Girlfriend was not much of a fan, but agreed it would sound good with our last name.
Last was Nicholas Levar for a son's name. Named after Santa Claus and Star Trek's Geordi La Forge. I love Christmas and my girlfriend loves Star Trek. Girlfriend shot it down.
At this point I said, "But the nicknames are good! Penny, Dime, and Nick L. We would have 16 cents to our name! It makes cents to me!"
Not sure if she wants to have kids with me now.
EDIT: To the guys saying Dime isn't a nickname for Dimitri, they're MY imaginary kids, I'll call them what I damn want.
Whenever he used to walk, his claws used to make a ta-ta-ta-ta sound.
His other crab people used to be away from him. Due to this sound.
Once he was captured by a predator and was bumped on a rock and got loose from the predators grip and ran away.
After the bump his ta-ta-ta-ta sound went away automatically.
Since that incident, he got friends and a new name- Santa Claus.
Santa asked Rudolph to let him know if it was going to rain. Rudolph sniffed the air and affirmed that it was going to rain. Surprised, Mrs. Claus asked Santa “How did Rudolph know it is going to rain?” “Because” replied Santa “Rudolph the red knows rain, dear.”
The only exception is the Santa Claus
I was Santa she was a naughty girl. 'Unfortunately you've been a naughty girl and you're on Santas naughty list and wont be receiving any presents this year.' 'oh no Santa i really want a present i'll do anything to get on your good list' 'oh i dont know if there is a way i'm afraid' you're just going to have to bend over my knee and take your spank now.' bare butt spanks occur 'Please Santa let me on your good list I'm begging you' 'Well come to think of it there is a Claus in the contract' .... Then realising the accidental Santa Claus pun I made I had to be sure she got it. 'Get it! CLAUS HHAHAHA CLAUS LIKE SANTA CLAUS HAHAHAHHAA' yeah she didnt find it as funny as me... No sex for me..
When my brother was four years old, my dad told him to go sit on Santa Claus' lap at the church. Santa Claus was actually being played by my second uncle, Mr. Herman. My brother had already heard rumors of this, so when he went to sit on Santa Claus' lap he asked: "Are you Mr. Herman?" Mr. Herman replied: "Baloney!"
My brother went back to my dad and said: "His name is Baloney!"
(My brother is now 39 years old and the proud father of a 19-month-old son)
We were going over review. The teacher asked what two clauses there are.
"Santa and Mrs clause?" I said
I was the only one who laughed.
"Ho ho ho...Hey kids this is Santa Claus and I need to know what you want for Christmas ASAP! It is okay to text your Dad back since my phone is broken and I am chillin' in the North Pole with him - get it chillin' in the North Pole (I am the second funniest guy I know, your dad of course is the funniest) p.s. nice job staying off the naughty list."
http://i.imgur.com/LDpkF0m.jpg?1
Dad: Who has a square house with four south-facing walls?
Teenaged Son: Come on dad, you've told me this before, it's Santa Claus.
Dad: Nope, he's fake. We do. The living room, kitchen, master bedroom, and guest bedroom all have south facing walls.
Teenaged Son: [groan]
We're sitting with the family watching the classic "A Year Without Santa Claus" and when the misers first appear, my dad pipes up.
Dad: I like the snow miser more.
Mom: Why?
Dad: He's a more chill guy.
My dad plays a drumroll on the couch, and my mother sighs.
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