A list of puns related to "The Reminder"
If you don't, you might not have a descent day
U only have few hours
Howdy punsters!
Please remember when posting to /r/puns that the punchline should be in the post itself, not the topic. Puns should be self-explanatory. If you have to explain it, please do so in the comments. We've had a lot of puns lately, especially images, ruined before clicking on them when the whole thing was spoiled in the topic line.
Up to now, we've been assigning "for shame" flair when this happens, but it's become very common lately. As a result, posts with punchlines in the topic will be removed.
Thanks!
It is a transaction, after all.
..."The backyard is full of them, we don't need any more!"
Examples:
And variants thereof.
Happy New Year :)
But a lot less Gore-y
Those were the GOODYEARS.
It's a place where everyone knows your name.
Because the best jokes are always in the comets.
Because anywhere you go, it takes 4 or 5 hours
Lionel: Hello, is it Mi you are looking for?
He's such a smoothie talker.
Now it keeps trash talking.
#BUYBUYBUY
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
RΓΌdoff was one of the best fighters in his village and a terrifying opponent on the battlefield. He would often return from battle, so drenched in his opponent's blood that he became known as "RΓΌdoff det rΓΈde", meaning "the red".
After years of wars, and regular battles, RΓΌdoff finally grew old, and decided that his fighting days were behind him. He became the best farmer that his village had ever known and people would travel from.far away to ask him about his crops and to predict the weather, as he was quite proficient at it.
One morning he wokeup, and looked out the window, the skys were clear and the sun was shining, but RΓΌdoff could feel the pressure in his old bones and battle scars
"It will Rain soon", he said to his wife while she made breakfast. She glanced outside and told him he was nuts, it was bright and sunny.
He simply hiked up his pants and reminded her:
RΓΌdoff The Red knows rain, dear.
My wife and daughter are working on improving the meringue cookie recipe they are using.
I asked if the batter was better and my wife said yes.
So I asked if it had enough sugar or if it was a bitter better batter.
The look on her face was priceless!
I reminded her that she knew my sense of humor before she married me and went through with it anyway.
He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.
He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.
When they get back to Yodaβs hovel, they find that some creature has chewed a hole in the fence around Yodaβs garden.
βSomething I have for this.β Yoda says again. Once again, he takes a bunch of forks out of his bag and, using duct tape, tapes them in to patch the hole.
Yoda and Luke return to Yodaβs home, where Yoda looks through his bag. Heβs used all his forks but one, he discovers.
βThatβs ok Master." Luke says, wanting to be helpful. βIβll write us a note reminding us to buy more.β
So he writes the note and uses the very last fork to pin it to the bulletin board.
He looks down at Yoda expecting pride, but instead finds a look of horror.
βMaster Yoda!β he asks. βWhat did I do wrong?β
Yoda replies sagely, βA Jedi uses the forks for no ledge and the fence. Never for a tack!β
They really are fucking heroes
Their commitment to recycling is uncanny.
All offenses aside, Iβm originally from Britain and we make fun of the Irish ALL the time.
So an Irishman stumbles upon a genieβs lamp and says to himself βooh laddy what have we found here? I tink Iβll give it a rub to see if a genie appears!β
So he does, and lo, a puff of blue smoke comes pouring out of the spout, billows into the air and the genieβs form becomes solid. It speaks, βOh master of the lamp, I am your genie and I grant you three wishes.β
The Irishmanβs eyes are wide open with glee, his cheeks and nose red with fire, he shouts βtree wishes?! Thatβs just brilliant!β For me first wish, Iβll have a bottle of whiskey that never runs dry.β
The genie, eyes rolling, clicks his fingers and POOF a nice big bottle of whiskey appears before the Irishman. βWell I tink weβll have to put this to the test!β He snatches up the bottle, takes a long healthy swig, glug glug glug, and the bottle pops as he releases it from his lips, βAhhhhhhhh!!!β And to his amazement as soon as the liquid in the bottle settled, it gave a large burping βbulp!β, released a large bubble, and when the bubble popped the bottle was full again. βWELL IβLL BE! THATβS THE MOST INCREDIBLE TING!β
The genie, steadfastly unimpressed, reminded the Irishman βMaster, I will bring you fortune, splendor, reputation, treasures beyond any imagination. You have two wishes remaining. What would master want for a wish?β
The Irishman looks to the genie and says βoh tatβs easy! Iβll have two more of these!β
If at first you can't make tea, chai, chai, again.
oh wait it hasn't been made yet.
It all went Dunhill from there
It was extremely messy and involved a lot of paperwork.
A vindow viper
Because its a little chili.
There was a zoo employee holding a polar bear foot for children to touch. As he pushed the stroller past, my husband paused, leaned towards him, and said, "aren't you chilly? You have bear feet!"
Then he grinned and laughed. I wasn't quite close enough to hear the setup, so he even got to repeat the joke for me.
I responded, "Sorry ma'am, I only wear boxers."
after a long sigh "Very well sir.. have a good day."
he called it recycling.
She smiled, blushed a little and asked, "Why? Because I have so many layers to my personality!?"
"No."
"Oh, OK, something stupid like, you'll cry when you slice me up?!"
"Nope."
"OK! OK! You'd prefer it if I was battered?!"
"Nah."
"You either love me or hate me? I'm good in small doses? I can be a bit overpowering?!"
"No, no and no!"
Exasperated, she shrieked, "Oh, all right then, why?!"
"You smell like an onion!"
Those who can count, and those who can not.
(Another post reminded me of this. The great grandfather of mine in question passed away 4 years ago. He also always used to tell me βwater is for bathing, always remember thatβ while he drank a glass of anything alcoholic. Funny thing is he only drank like one small glass a day. Sorry for rambling).
Not only does it tell me how to get there, it reminds me why I went there in the first place.
A while back my parents had a night out and they'd mentioned they would probably go to a movie, so when they got home I asked them which one they saw:
Mom: That Stephen King one, The Mist, I think.
Me: I wanted to see that sometime, how was it?
Dad: It was entertaining, but to be honest I thought it might have been a little over cast.
-Cue boisterous laughter and counter top slapping-
I've told her not to get her hopes up. "After all," I say, "we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute." When she asked what in the world I was talking about, I pointed out, "This is your thirty-second birthday."
For the life of me, I can't figure why doesn't think this is hilarious. I keep making sure to remind her of it every time we are around new people. Hopefully if she hears the joke enough she will start to appreciate it.
When I was a wee lad, about 5 or 6 , my dad and I went to the beach on a vacation. I, having never seen the ocean, learned many new things, like how tides work, and how there's seemingly billions of white flying rats that the world calls Seagulls.
Fast forward a few weeks to us being back home in Kansas City, MO where no beaches or seagulls are to be found. My dad and I were running errands and found ourselves at the local Target, where in the parking lot I spotted dozens of white birds that looked eerily similar to the Seagulls I had learned about weeks before.
"Dad, what're those?" I inquired
"Oh, son those are called Parkinglotgulls. Yeah they're close cousins of the seagull!"
And that's how I came to call those white birds that flock around parking lots worldwide "Parkinglotgulls" even to this day.
My daughter had to wire an essay about her hobby, which is softball. Her opener:
Pitcher this, youβre standing on a mound.
I was overwhelmed, and more proud than ever. She threw in some other puns too, it was an excellent essay, sheβs giving me a run for my money, I batter watch out.
Edit: thank you u/PsychicGnome for the reminder that my kids are better parents than I am
I replied "it must be the rain dear".
How can you be so hatless?
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.