Why are there so few cheese producers in the city?

Because cottage cheese is common, but not skyscraper cheese

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Antique_Goose1989
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
🚨︎ report
25 emails between me (film producer) and Jason (my props master) over the course of making my film RUN (on Hulu now!)
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sevohanian
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Some filmmakers were secretly trying to murder the lead actor in a low-budget flick, but he got wind of the plot and managed to escape. They took the existing footage and shopped it to different producers, but it was roundly rejected by everyone for the same reason.

It wasn't up to snuff.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jeromocles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
No one knows the best pen producer...

And Schneider do I.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SmartOnReddit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
The producers of John Wick 3 should come out with a line of promotional sented bathroom candles.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xilban
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
🚨︎ report
The little horse just finished a song at the recording studio. The producer says, "What else you got?"

"That's it. I'm a one track pony".

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MexElf
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...

Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/neelandrewp
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2018
🚨︎ report
I wrote down all of the things my wife wants me to buy from the produce section at the grocery store...

It was my honeydew list.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chuckyocouch_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend studies the science of unspecialized cells that can divide to produce some cells that are destined to become specialized....

He's a stem major.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Unidentified male charged with two completely different crimes in the produce aisle.

He took a leek

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastyZ71
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when the U.S. Mint stops producing currency?

I don’t know, it makes no sense.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/samrf1202
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Studies have revealed that cows produce much more milk when the farmers talk to them.

It's a case of, in one ear and out of the uddet

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the cow that could produce 1,000 gallons of milk every day?

She was legendairy.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dcapz87
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Working in Produce the last few years has made me realize I'm a professional musician...

I work with beet boxes and I wrap!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anelion
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ..

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis (edited, thanks kind friends for the correction!)

πŸ‘︎ 393
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/banditk77
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the Macaw and the Bull never produce any offspring?

It would've created a parrot-ox.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EastlyGod1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My young son and I were having our first discussion about drugs. He was curious about why people would do drugs in the first place, and I told him that many people do it because it produces different feelings of euphoria. He asked, "what's euphoria?" I told him that it was hard to explain...

But it's a feeling somewhere between euthreeia and eufiveia.

πŸ‘︎ 81
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wgf5823
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...

... Then Soviet

πŸ‘︎ 72
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AllDayRef
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Which Arab country produces the most steel?

Iron

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the produce employee say to the customer as they walked in?

Lettuce wow you!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wormholewanderer1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My daughter and I went to the grocery store yesterday, and we were amazed by the quality of the produce. We spoke with the Department Manager and offered to buy all of their Romaine

if he'd lettuce

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Derpalupagus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
The platypus and echidna both lay eggs and produce milk

Making them the only animals on the planet capable of whipping their own custard

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Lethal Weapon 3(-some)

Film Producer: β€œThis is supposed to be a β€œBuddy Cop” movie, why do they have this steamy sex scene together?”

Director: β€œBecause everyone enjoys cop-porn at the movies!”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/youtellmebob
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the most difficult thing about producing skimmed milk?

Throwing the cow across a lake.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JackBoxall1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call the people that you eat grass and produce milk alongside?

Cow-workers!

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zainchupacabra
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Why has Nintendo stopped producing the Wii U?

It was time for a Switch.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hankosha
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2017
🚨︎ report
Even Ferdinand Feghoot could be outpunned on occasion – but he always rose to the challenge.

There was, for instance, the time he conducted a crew of new S.A.R.H. (Society for the Aesthetic Rearrangement of History -BJ) recruits – all from late twentieth-century Terra – on a training study of Carter’s World, a newly established agricultural colony attempting to support itself by the export of edible nuts. Barely into their second generation, and having yet to show a profit, the colonists were technologically backward. Nevertheless, they showed a surprising ingenuity in the use of their few advantages. It was this resourcefulness that Feghoot was demonstrating to his rookies.

β€œLook at the perfection with which these streets are graded”, exclaimed one student. β€œEarth-moving machinery on this scale is strictly high technology stuff. How can they do it?”

β€œA new alleyway is being constructed, nearby”, said Feghoot. β€œLet us walk that way while I explain.” As they strolled, he told his students that countless centuries before, the Carter’s World system had been inhabited by a now-vanished race of giants. This very planet had served them for a nursery, and among the many artifacts they had left were thousands of childrens blocks, immense and precision-cut. You simply jack one up onto logs, bring it where you want it, put collapsible jacks underneath, snake out the logs, spread soil more or less evenly beneath, and collapse the jacks.

β€œI see”, said the student. β€œIt’s not graded road at all; its a simple hammered-earth base.”

β€œThat’s right,” Feghoot went on smoothly. β€œYou just hit the road jack and don’t come back no mo.”

His students registered dismay and anguish.

β€œIsn’t that right, old-timer?,” Feghoot demanded of an ancient Carterian standing by the mouth of the newly completed alley they had just reached.

β€œAhm afraid not, suh”, said the senior citizen, and the students giggled at Feghoots discomfiture. β€œOh, we used to do it that way, but it was far too much trouble. It’s the soil heah. You see, the very same soil which produced our famous cashews is so high in clay content that a child could roll out a road of it. Then, we simply use a system of lenses to bake it into hardness. Ahve just completed this alley mahself, and ahm just a retired professor of Sports History, much too old and feeble to handle hydraulic jacks.

β€œSo you see,” he finished, eyes twinkling, β€œMah hammered alley is really cashews clay.”

Howls of agony rose from the students, but Feghoot never hesitated. β€œAnd he”, he said, turning to his students, β€œis clearly the gradi

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nomnommish
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Beatles in the produce...
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/enigmastrat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
🚨︎ report
There was a farmer selling his produce at the side of the road, I pulled over as I was a bit hungry to get an apple. I noticed he also sold paracetamol and cough medicine. I asked him "why do you sell drugs?"

He said "I'm a farmer see"

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nickl444
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know during the third Reich there was a project to produce energy from a certain type of grain

I'm surprised you never heard of Hitler's rice to power

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PinappleGecko
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Working in Produce the last few years has made me realize I'm a professional musician...

I work with beet boxes and I wrap!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anelion
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an incredible set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. Plus, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Edit: I do now realize I misspelled Gandhi. I cannot edit the title, just know that I see it and am sorry.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SamuraiSAM5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hatlesshobo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him, A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

πŸ‘︎ 251
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him, A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Edit: Wow! Didn't expect this big reaction! Thanks for the silver! Edit 2: And gold!? Thanks again! :)

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/auroraborora
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an incredible set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. Plus, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Edit: I do now realize I misspelled Gandhi. I cannot edit the title, just know that I see it and am sorry.

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrunkRedditBot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A Frog and a Bank Loan

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bstie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
A Frog and a Bank Loan

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bstie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Studies show cows produce more Milk when the Farmer talks to them.

It’s a case of in one ear and out the udder

πŸ‘︎ 393
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperSaiyanBen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2018
🚨︎ report
It's a known fact that cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them

It's a case of in one ear and out the udder.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MonsieurMann
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.