Why did only one letter of the alphabet get a Christmas present?
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︎ Dec 25 2020
I have only two new years resolutions this year. One: get back to the weight I was before the accident.
Two: stop referring to last year's junk food binge as 'the accident'
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︎ Jan 03 2021
There is only one you in the whole world...
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︎ Dec 30 2020
I went to the zoo today and they only had one dog.
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︎ Dec 29 2020
The only people to show up to my friendβs funeral were some of his one night stands and some friends from church.
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︎ Nov 18 2020
All the letters of the alphabet walk into a bar. Why does only one of them get a drink?
Because the bartender keeps saying, βCan I get U anything?β
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︎ Dec 19 2020
My wife asked me if she's the only one I've been with.
I said yes. The others were all nines and tens.
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︎ Jun 30 2020
Why was the Monarch only one foot tall?
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︎ Dec 17 2020
Back when I worked at a different brewery, one of the brewers only had one leg.
She was in charge of the hops.
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︎ Nov 04 2020
Do you know why the French only eat one egg for breakfast?
Because one egg is un oeuf
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︎ Nov 20 2020
Why am I the only one naked?
They said it was a gender reveal party?
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︎ Oct 30 2020
My professor asked me why did I put only one of the three authors as a reference.
I said that I didnβt feel tempted to do so et. al
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︎ Nov 11 2020
If girls with big boobs work at The Hooters, where do the girls with only one leg work?
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︎ Feb 20 2020
In far future, in a robot-only disco, one of the dancers suddenly shuts down.
The doctor arrives and after a quick inspection he calms the crowd:
βDonβt worry, he just got disco-nnected.β
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︎ Oct 31 2020
A guy is walking through the woods one day when he comes across a suitcase. He takes a look inside, only to find a fox and her cubs. So he calls the ASPCA and tells the woman who answers what heβs found...
She says, βOh, thatβs horrible. Are they moving?β
The guy replies, βI donβt know, but that would explain the suitcase.β
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︎ Jun 30 2020
Introducing the new rhyme speaking Green Onion with the super tight back beat! Please welcome the one! The only---
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︎ Sep 26 2020
I was only going to buy one budgie, but in the end I got two.
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︎ Sep 06 2020
Am I the only one who has to spell out the alphabet to find where a letter is
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︎ Aug 22 2020
I once saw two men quarreling because both claimed that his family name is Fuck and the other is lying. After seeing their IDs, I found out that only one man was telling the truth, the one with the first name What.
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︎ Aug 02 2020
Pretend you are on a raft in the middle of the ocean surrounded by sharks. You only have a one day supply of water and a harpoon. What do you do?
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︎ Sep 16 2020
Two cowboys walking through the plains, no food or water, death imminent. When through hazy vision one of them spies a tree, covered in bacon by an oasis of pure clean. One cowboy hide behind a rock, as his confused friend runs to the tree... only to be gunned down by some bandits.
The second cowboy is relieved to be alive, and thankful that he knew that that was no bacon tree.
It was a ham bush
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︎ Sep 25 2020
Fun fact: Axolotls our one of the only species to have a different name in their infancy.
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︎ Sep 09 2020
The one and only Gentina
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︎ May 23 2020
Sure, Poe Dameron is a handsome ex-smuggler, but he's not the only one
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︎ Aug 08 2020
My family has been getting stir crazy. So we decided to take our son to the local zoo. Problem is, itβs a small zoo. They only have one animal. Itβs a dog.
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︎ Aug 15 2020
I went to the bakery and noticed I was the only one there.
It was completely desserted.
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︎ May 22 2020
I just asked my 14 yr old after he was talking the whole time while I was showing how to do something. βDo you know why god gave us two eyes and only one mouth?β
βBecause we donβt need depth perception with our mouths β was his technically correct answer
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︎ Jun 29 2019
Did you hear the one about the mass murderer who only hunted vegetarians?
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︎ Jul 27 2020
Dadβs are not the only one dealing with dad bods during the pandemic
Their sisters are also getting auntie bodies
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︎ Jul 21 2020
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
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︎ Jun 27 2020
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole timeβ¦
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
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︎ May 17 2020
I've heard the german army only liked one type of pastry.
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︎ Jun 21 2020
My wife is teaching my little ones (3/1) about bugs so they wrote βAntβ in honey on a piece of paper to attract them and set it out on the deck. She was sad When we went out to check later that day, only one was there.
You should have pluralized it and more would have shown up!
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︎ Jun 27 2020
A woman asked her husband if she was the only one heβd ever been with.
He replied βYes, the others were all nines or tensβ.
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︎ May 06 2020
Am I the only one who feels on edge about this?
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︎ Jun 04 2019
A couple expecting a baby girl made a long list of possible names for a girl child, but only one name in the event that they have a boy. They ended up having a boy.
He was named Justin Case.
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︎ Mar 18 2020
Up until today, I only knew two jokes about the Fibonacci sequence. Then, today, I heard a new one.
It made me laugh as hard as the other two combined.
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︎ Nov 28 2019
I started a business fixing vehicles to have the wheel only turning one direction.
Business is going alright
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︎ Mar 01 2020
I asked my wife if Iβm the only one sheβs been with.
She said, βYes, the other ones were at least sevens or eightsβ.
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︎ May 15 2019
Did you hear about the zoo with only one stupid dog?
Yeah...its a pretty shih tzu
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︎ Dec 09 2019
Six days of the week are dedicated to daughters. Only one day is ...
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︎ Feb 06 2020
There is a mysterious body of water where every wave is the same height, only one type of fish is ever caught there, and the tides come in and out at the same time every day.
Itβs called the Redundant-Sea.
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︎ Feb 26 2020
Why is the king only one foot tall?
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︎ Jul 26 2020
Why do the French only eat one egg for breakfast?
Because one egg is un oeuf.
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︎ Sep 02 2020
I had a really disappointing visit to the zoo. They only had one animal, and that was only a dog.
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︎ Jul 22 2020
Took the kids to the zoo the other day but it only had one animal...
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︎ Feb 03 2020
Where is the best place to work if you only have one leg?
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︎ Dec 25 2019
I went to a zoo the other day and it had only one animal, a dog.
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︎ Nov 27 2019
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