I feel sorry for New Yorkers right now because of the high number of Corona infected people. Hopefully they're the last to get it. Unfortunate for China though

They got it right off the bat

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📅︎ Apr 29 2020
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Not sure if this fits the mold, but I am a dad and I like it...

So 3 explorers were captured by the king of a pacific island. One explorer was from Paris, one was from London, and one was from New York. The island king told them that they were all going to be killed, and that their skins would be used to make canoes. The king gave them a choice as to how they would die.

The explorer from Paris chose to be killed by a guillotine, and they cut off his head.

The explorer from London chose to be killed by a gun, and they shot him in the head.

The explorer from New York chose to be killed by a fork. The island kind was confused. He didn't know what to do with the fork, so he gave it to the explorer from New York. The guy immediately starts stabbing himself all over with the fork. There is blood everywhere and it's a horrific scene. The dismayed island king asks the explorer from New York what the hell he's doing, and the New Yorker replies...

FUCK YOU AND YOUR GOD-DAMN CANOE.

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👤︎ u/nimble2
📅︎ Sep 14 2017
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One from my wife.

We got a new car and I needed some info for the insurance company.

Me: What does the odometer read?

Her: Mostly miles, but it prefers the New Yorker for the comics.

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👤︎ u/ooklamok
📅︎ Dec 16 2014
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