The first company to rename their dinner rolls "gravy mops" is really going to clean up.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OtakuShogun
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ttcity
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
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The broom told the mop:

You're always moping around. Its probably because your on your phone so much

The mop then said: ok broomer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pestopasta16
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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A skeleton walks into a bar.

He says to the bartender β€œI’ll take a beer and a mop, please.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theLyingFabulist
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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Knock Knock

β€œWhose there?”

β€œI eat mop”

....

Ewww

-Courtesy of my 9 year old niece. Not sure where she stole it from so the credit ends with her.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MiracleWhipB4Mayo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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The cleaning crew stopped by my office to dust

I work in an office with 2 other guys and we all get along very well. Once every other week, a cleaning crew comes in to sweep, dust, mop etc.

One of the cleaning crew had a duster out and was dusting my coworkers desk. He told the lady to hit me with the duster as I was acting silly as usual. She said she couldn't as she would go to jail for battery. I said, "No. You would go to jail for assault with a dusty weapon."

The audible groans and chuckles were fuel to my dad humoured fire.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CarFlipJudge
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
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A skeleton goes into a bar

The bartender asks,"What'll be Bones?"

The skeleton replies,"Two beers and a mop."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
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My husband, new dad of 8 months, is kicking off his dad joke game strong.

We had a cleaning service come to the house today, called Two Maids and a Mop. Well, three maids showed up and my dumb husband goes, β€œwhich one of you is the mop?”

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2018
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My daughter asked for a Cinderella themed birthday party,..

So I made her and friends mop the floor and do the dishes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vinnaey
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
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Tread softly.

A police officer radioed to headquarters: "Chief we've got a situation here. A woman just shot her husband for walking on a freshly mopped floor."

Chief: "Did you arrest her?"

Officer: "Not yet. The floor's still wet."

πŸ‘︎ 237
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jukeefe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2016
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A skeleton walks into a bar...

...and asks for a beer and a mop.

*I am a bartender, and was told this dad joke while working last night. After it sunk in, I bought the patron a beer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dr00b
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2016
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This is a grandfather joke...

My grandparents were at a dinner theater show. The premise is that it was a wedding reception. It was in August. The actor playing the minister was standing next to Grammy and Papa's table, mopping sweat from his forehead. Papa': Good evening, reverend. Are you by chance Presbyterian? Actor: No...why do you ask? Papa': You appear to be "presbyreing"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FoodItYoursefl
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2017
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Meth Dealer [OC]

So a meth dealer is trying to expand his territory into a local school back in the late 90's. He's having a really hard time until he hits on a marketing phrase: "Meth is illin'!" For some reason, that closes every sale he tries to make at the school. It starts with the students, but then he gets some of the faculty as customers and he has one dealing the stuff. For some reason, every single time, when he says "meth is illin'!" he closes the deal. Even the administrators can't seem to resist his catchphrase.

But then his contact on the faculty alerts him to a problem -- the janitor is going to figure out what's going on, and he's going to shut everything down. The teacher is scared of the guy, but our dealer has gained so much confidence in himself that he cannot worry. He waits for the janitor on his morning route.

"Hey man, don't you know? Meth is i-"

But before he can even finish the sentence, the janitor has sprayed floor cleaner in his eyes, hit him in the gut with his mop, and crammed him in a trash can. The dealer is arrested and immediately convicted.

TL; DR: Do not fuck with "meth is illin'!" resistant staff.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SadEaglesFan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2014
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Grooaaan

So I was playing Sims 4 and I found a glitch where a mop stayed in the hand of my avatar throughout the whole game. My dad walked in and said, "guess he did a bad job cleaning out the bugs"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tesla55tesla
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2014
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Sometimes, I'm the butt of the joke.

We were walking around Home Depot and I tripped over a mop that had fallen, which brought down some items near me. Naturally, everyone within the vicinity looked at me and at this moment, my mother's boyfriend says: "Just call her 'Grace'."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohhoneyno_
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2015
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Dad took me to the barbershop a couple of years ago.

Dad took me to the barbershop a couple years ago. The barber looked at my mop and asked, "haircut?". And my Dad replied, "well, just give me an estimate."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-_-matt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2015
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He knows how to clean out a room.

My mum complained that my dad took a photo of her, whilst she was wearing her "kitchen cleaning glasses" as they look bad. I sarcastically offer to get her car cleaning glasses instead as they're clearly more fashionable.

My dad on the other hand stands there with his fake concerned/confused. When i ask what's wrong, he asks with a smug grin on his face "Why would you use glasses to clean the kitchen? Surely a mop or cloth would be more practical".

We all left the room.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanJayTay
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2014
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I had a shower

I had a shower last night, and the humidity in the room made the floor a little slippery. As I was towelling off, the mop in the corner slipped and grazed my leg.

All I could think was "That almost cleaned me up."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jesterfraud
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2013
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Apparently I am a bad influence.

So a couple days ago as I was leaving work I get a phone call from a friend of mine who I shall call k during this story

Now K never calls people so I was surprised that he was calling me, and was even more surprised when the first words he said when I picked up where, β€œAcriloc you’re a bad influence on my brother.”

I was shocked at such an accusation, wounded even and asked why. K then proceeded to tell me how when he was at work he slipped on a recently mopped floor and fractured his arm. A coworker of his dropped him off at the ER where he decided to text his brother C, someone whom I’m friend with as well, while he waited.

C asked if K was ok, and how since K works in a kitchen what’s he going to do if he can’t use his right arm for a while. K then told C how he tends to practice using his left arm just in case anything like this would happen, and though he won’t be able to do everything he did in the kitchen he’ll still be able to work and help out.

C responded with, β€œI guess all that practice came in....handy.”
Causing K to burst out in laughter in the middle of the ER waiting room, filled with people who are in pain and not having a pleasant day. The amount of death stares he got from people as he was laughing while trying to point at his phone and explain he’s laughing because of a lame joke his brother sent him was quite the sight to behold apparently.

Apparently I am to blame for all this because C used to never make jokes like that until he met me since I try to find any excuse to make a dad joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Acriloc
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2014
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A skeleton goes into a bar

The bartender says,"What will it be?

The skeleton replies,"Two beers and a mop."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
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A skeleton walks into a bar...

And asks the barman for a pint of beer and a mop.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gaoler86
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
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A skeleton walks into a bar.

Goes to the counter and asks for a beer and a mop.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/furioza
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2017
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