I told my dad that one of the dogs is a purebred plott hound.
Dad says, "So if she gains weight, then the plott thickens."
There was a dog barking in the movie, and a neighbors dog was barking at the same time. My girlfriend points this out and I turn to her with the biggest "this is my chance grin" and told her that it's just my surround hound system.
John Deavensmit was not having a good time. After an incident involving a coffee spill, he'd been sued for $50 million, and somehow the jury had ruled against him. There was no way he could pay that much money; he'd go bankrupt.
Naturally, he filed for an appeal, but the winner of the case was already beginning to hound him for money, hoping to get at least something before the judgement was overturned. John was nearly at his wit's end before he found an unusual package in his mailbox.
It was from a couple of his friends, who all went on to law school when John left to create a startup. They'd all been very successful, and had gone on to be justices at various levels, from courts in a small county in Wisconsin all the way to the Supreme Court. When he opened it up, he was surprised to see an ink drawing of a thick wooden stick. It was signed by his friends, and accompanied by a note:
> Hey John, > > We're sorry to hear about your loss in court last month. We met up at a judge conference in the Davison Center, and we thought that we'd do something special for you. We met up in the Grapefruit Room and all worked together to draw this. We hope you enjoy it! > > Your friends
Now, John had been to D.C. a few times, and knew about the Davison Centre. It was renowned for its very offbeat architecture. The Grapefruit Room was one of the weirdest: it had been constructed by taking a world-record grapefruit, carving out the flesh, and preserving the rind. The result was a walk-in fruit, and it always smelled of citrus.
It took John a while to work out the significance of the gift, but when he realized it, he was overjoyed. His good friends had seen fit to grant him a stave judge-men penned in a peel.
Would this be considered a dad joke or an 18/19th century dad joke? Either way, I just about walked out the building after reading this.
ME: Hi Tom,
Thank you for taking the time to speak with me today and if there is anything we can do in the future, please don't hesitate to ask.
I was hoping you would be able to leave a Yelp review for other potential clients to see. I know that we will not be working together anymore, but we would really appreciate the feedback.
Thomas Jefferson: Matt,
Happy to offer you an encomium, however, I know of no connection between hounds striking the line of scent on a fox and complimenting a business enterprise of the 21st century.
What is a Vampire favorite fruit?
- Neckterines
What kind of dogs do Vampires like best?
- Blood hounds
How does a ghost cry?
- Boo Hoo
What does a skeleton always say before he eats?
- Bone Appetite
What kind of key should you always take to a haunted house?
- Skeleton Key
Why do Vampires need mouthwash?
- Because they have bat breath
What kinds of street do Zombies like?
- Dead ends.
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?
- Frost Bite
What did the black cat call the mouse on roller skates?
- Meals on wheels
What does a vampire never at a restaurant?
- A stake sandwich
What is it like to be kissed by a vampire?
- It's a pain in the neck.
Why did the witch stand in front of the podium?
- To give a Screech
What does a ghosts have for dessert?
- I-Scream
What is a skeletons favorite instrument?
- A trombone
What kind of dog does a mad scientist have?
- A Lab
Be honest, how many did you get? What is your dad score?
EDIT: can't get spoiler tags to work...
My dog, a beagle, was trying to get comfortable in my chair.
I said to the dog: "dammit Blue you're bugging the hell out of me."
My buddy: "Would you say he is hounding ya?"
Commence groan.
