The Honeymooners Puns

Polynesia

Wife says, "You know, you're really a lousy lover."

The husband replies, "How can you tell after only 30 seconds?"

Pennsylvania

It cantelope

Leaf us alone without the dressing.

I was on my honeymoon last week, and my wife was getting Snow White's signature.

Snow White: Did you get her ring from Grumpy or Sleepy?

Me: Grumpy. I traded him a case of beer for it.

Snow White: Oh, Grumpy can't have that stuff. He's a miner.

Where are the Disney dad jokes?

So my grandfather is on his honeymoon with our grandmother and they are driving to Las Vegas, on their way there they see a fellow on the side of the road. They debate about taking him to the city instead of leaving him there, the end up letting him get a ride to the city, they say "Hey sir, want a ride to the city?" He replies "sure thanks", they drive down the road and notice he has a bag, so they ask " what's in the bag?" He replies with "None of your damn business" they start to think in their heads, what if he has something illegal or dangerous, so my grandfather takes action, he goes to the side of the road and pretends to fake piss and opens the door and my grandmother kicks him out and my grandfather gets back in locks the door and they speed off, as they're driving they notice he left his back and dropped it in the car, they decide to open and see what it beholds, they open the bag and find a single piece of paper, the paper had wording on it, it said "None of your damn business."

A young man truly in love with his girlfriend decided to have her name tattooed on his penis. Her name was Wendy, and the tattoo was done while the penis was erect, so when it was not erect all you could see was W Y.

Shortly after the couple was married they were honeymooning in Jamaica. The man was in a bathroom, and standing next to him was a Jamaican man who also had a W Y on his penis. The American said to him "Oh is your girl named Wendy too?"

The Jamaican replied, "No mister that says 'Welcome to Jamaica Have a Nice Day'."

A newly married couple were confused on how to spend their honeymoon , the husband wanted to go to Australia first but the wife wanted to go to TIC TAC world(coz fuck logic). Upon further debate they ended on going to australia first because the husband thought the sequence was authentic.

Did you hear about the man that got married to a bee? They went on a honeymoon.

I walked up to my wife and said:

"I knew a girl named Kathleen Lucky who married a Chinese man that won the lottery while they were on honeymoon.

When she came back and I saw her I said, Kathleen Lucky-Yiu!"

(Lucky is a known last name where I live, so there may be some cultural context with this one)

Went to Disney for our Honeymoon last week.. We went into the Presidents Hall, and on the floor in the middle of the room is The Great Seal of The United States I take one glance at my new wife... "That's not a seal, that's an eagle!" I got a few groans and a couple of laughs from dads around the room. Im not a dad yet... But I think Ill do just fine.

Edit: http://imgur.com/dV5hb71 is a picture of the actual seal from Disneyworld

My co-worker says: "I told my fiance that I would like to go to the UK for our honeymoon, if we can afford it".

I responded, "You probably can't afford it. To go there, you need pounds of money".

My friend ordered a salad with just lettuce and nothing else and the waitress called it a honeymoon salad.

Dad: you know why they call that a honeymoon salad right?

Friend: no

Dad: lettuce alone

When my grampa learns that the couple next to them are on their honeymoon he leans over and goes "This is what you two are gonna look like in 50 years"

We fly out for the honeymoon tomorrow and she asked if the airline was the one we pick our seats. I told her that it was but you can't pick the pilot's seat. She responded with "well maybe if he had a wedgie you could pick it."

She is definitely a keeper.