The Fortune Cookie Puns

"Be Positive"

I was out to lunch with a few colleagues at a local Chinese buffet. The way seating is laid out, we four were seated at a long table with a couple on either end of us. The couple to my left received their fortune cookies and the lady cracked hers open. I heard her disappointment as she told her husband in anguish "There's no fortune in mine! My fortune cookie has no fortune!"

I looked at her and said "Ma'am, that's unfortunate." All my colleagues collectively sighed, and my buddy across the table from me said "You know what scrovak, that was so bad, she gets your cookie now."

The lady was delighted both at the joke and the new cookie.

Guess you can call it fortunATE.

Q: Where does virgin wool come from?

A: UGLY SHEEP.

...still makes me laugh no matter how many times I hear it.

That's how they make you fortunate.

"Help, I'm being held hostage in a fortune cookie factory!"

We get down to the fortune cookies and we all read ours straightforward. Maybe an added "in bed" at the end. Then my dad reads his "Help, I'm trapped inside a fortune cookie factory!"

[Mom, dad, SO, I eating Chinese food before Billy Joel concert]

[Finishing up, dad notices bunch of fortune cookies left in the box to be thrown out]

Dad: "You gonna throw all these away?"

Mom: "...are you gonna eat all of them?"

Me: "No reason to throw them out, they're worth a fortune.........."

.......It sounded much better before I typed it all out, I hope it comes across as good as it did that night.

Fortune Cookie for my 4 yr old: 'Getting the right answers is only possible when you have asked the right questions.'

Me: "So make sure you don't ask any left questions."

We went out to eat at a Chinese restaurant and when we got our fortune cookies my mom asked for the translation of "selfish". My dad responded with "El mismo pescado." (Note: selfish --> self-fish --> mismo pescado)

After we finished our meal, dad grabs a fortune cookie and proclaims "It's gonna be my lucky day! My fortune is going to be the winning lottery numbers!" opens cookie -life is a tragedy...-

Laughter ensues.

After my dog ate a piece of my sister's fortune cookie, she said "Dad, are fortune cookies bad for dogs?"

Dad: "I don't know, depends on the fortune."

He opens the cookie, pretends to read the fortune and says : "Help! I'm being held prisoner in a fortune cookie factory"