Why did the raisins have birth defects?

Because they were in bread.

👍︎ 2
💬︎
📅︎ Jan 26 2022
🚨︎ report
My realtor asked me how I felt about the defects in the finish trim in my new home.

I said I'll be coping.

👍︎ 7
💬︎
📅︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Returned my defective crystal ball to the shop.

They said they'd look into it.

👍︎ 34
💬︎
📅︎ Jul 05 2022
🚨︎ report
If you try to return defective fireworks to the store...

...can they be refused?

👍︎ 25
💬︎
👤︎ u/Sufferbus
📅︎ Jun 01 2022
🚨︎ report
Direct from the mind of my 4yo: You know how statues are defective?

They have a giant crack in their butt.

Gotta say, while derivative, I’m very proud!

👍︎ 4
💬︎
📅︎ Jan 20 2022
🚨︎ report
The defective plant

A guy walks into a bar carrying a potted plant and orders a beer. "What've you got there?" the bartender asks. "It's a Venus flytrap. But I think it's defective, do you want it?" the guy tells the bartender. "What's wrong with it?" the bartender asks. "When I bought it, the label said that the plant will 'Eat bugs and flies,'" the guy replies. "That thing hasn't left its pot once."

👍︎ 3
💬︎
👤︎ u/Firegoat1
📅︎ Feb 02 2022
🚨︎ report
The Massachusetts Department of Transportation received multiple calls of dead birds on the Boston Turnpike.

A preliminary investigation confirmed a very large amount of dead birds on the roadway. According to the investigation, an overwhelming majority of these deaths were the result of an impact with an 18-wherler.

The state reached out to Boston College, Harvard, UMass, and MIT and created a team of experts in the fields of transportation, physics, ornithology, and animal psychology. These experts conducted a six-month-long study of the events around the Turnpike. Their goal was to determine why such a large number of birds were being killed by 18-wheelers.

The results of this study revealed that one specific species of crow (the Bostonian black) has a natural defense mechanism that allows it to audibly warn other birds of oncoming vehicles. Over time, the other birds come to depend on this audible warning. Unfortunately, there appears to be a defect in this defense when it comes to warning about the 18-wheelers.

Apparently the crow can say "caw, caw" to warn the other birds but it can't say "twuck, twuck."

👍︎ 34
💬︎
📅︎ Aug 25 2022
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the defective dolphin?

It wasn’t fit for porpoise

👍︎ 11
💬︎
📅︎ Jun 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Dropped my best ever dad joke & no one was around to hear it

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

👍︎ 20k
💬︎
📅︎ Jan 11 2022
🚨︎ report
I thought the pattern on my coffee mug was defective...
👍︎ 43
💬︎
📅︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
The good news about making defective fireworks...

...is that nobody points the finger at you.

👍︎ 13
💬︎
📅︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
When a coin goes from Russia to the USA seeking asylum it is Metal Defecting.
👍︎ 5
💬︎
📅︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
The Soviet was eager to get to the border to defect

He was Russian to the Finnish line

👍︎ 2
💬︎
📅︎ Jan 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Emerson, Lake, and Palmer walk into a bar . . .

Picture it. June, 1971. London.

Keith Emerson, Greg Lake and Carl Palmer are celebrating the release of their album Tarkus at the Seven Stars Pub.

Very quickly, both ELP and their BACs are riding high.

Nothing can spoil this evening.

Enter King Crimson, their bitter rivals in experimental jazz-fusion symphonic rock.

A chill hits the air, but they manage some level of civility.

Fripp even manages to put aside his seething anger at Lake for defecting to Emerson's new project and stands a round for all.

It's unclear exactly when Hawkwind arrives, but the strained emotions soon give way to genuine cheer and good will.

Lemmy, their basist at the time, could have that effect on people.

Unfortunately, he also later looks directly at Lake, points at Fripp and company and asks, "Waren't you wiv his lot?"

The police report explains that the ensuing fracas lasted for about 30 minutes at caused at least £4,500 (£56,604.93 in 2021, or $78,480.75) in damages, several broken bones and uncounted stiches.

The scrum finally calms down after Peter Gabriel, who was [throwing darts](https://darthelp.com/articles/the-history-of-darts/#:~:text=M

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 3
💬︎
👤︎ u/RevRob330
📅︎ Jul 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Luke Skywalker had issues after his first duel with Darth Vader

His first robotic appendage was defective from the second hand store.

👍︎ 13
💬︎
📅︎ May 10 2021
🚨︎ report
The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 2
💬︎
📅︎ Feb 22 2016
🚨︎ report
The electrician doing some work in my house today is definitely a dad.

An electrician I hired to do some work in my house today has been tasked to install a combination heat lamp / exhaust fan unit in my bathroom. After installing it though, we found out the fan has a defect and its blades are slightly clipping the cowl.

Me: "Well, that sucks."

Him: "That's what it's supposed to do."

I walked right into that one.

👍︎ 42
💬︎
👤︎ u/acherion
📅︎ Apr 03 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.