Crassus averted.
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
He was known as Punjab
With a pair of Caesars.
"Oh no! My plans have been soiled!"
He was gladiator.
WASWAS.
when a horse jumps over defence, defeat go first and then detail
They FOILed its plan!
I said "Defeat of deduct go over defense before detail."
is because he can’t go near the crypt tonight.
is an amputation.
But that defeats the porpoise.
With Primed explosives
So there was a man who considered himself the greatest fighter in the world. Every time he got in a fight growing up, he'd win, and it would never even be close. Eventually he ran out of people in town to fight, and he decided that he'd travel the world, looking for all the best fighters, and beat them in combat.
He travels to Japan, China, India, Russia, France, Ireland, going all about the world, fighting everyone who thinks they're the best fighters in the world- and beats them easily. There's no real sense of competition, he just defeats every challenger in humiliating fashion.
But travelling the world looking for the best fighters takes a lot of time, and there's always another person thinking that they're the best fighter in the world, so he issues a challenge to anyone in the world who thinks that they're the best fighter to come to his house and fight.
The day arrives, and HUNDREDS of people have shown up. All of the best practitioners of all the world's martial arts have shown up. There's a group of judoka from Japan, Israeli Krav Maga artists stretching out on one side of the room, the Muay Thai artists are doing light striking to warm up- everyone seems represented here. The guy who started all this says "OK, there are a lot of you here, and the only way we'll be able to finish this today is if we group you all up by discipline, you all form a line, and I'll beat each of you in turn."
So he starts with the wrestlers, who line up one at a time. One at a time they come at him, and none of them last longer than a minute before having their shoulders pinned to the ground. Not only do they all get beaten, but it seems like this guy is actually winning his fights faster as the day goes on! Some of the fighters from the other disciplines watch this display, and they start leaving.
The guy looks at his watch, and realizes that three hours have gone by in fighting the wrestlers. So he gestures to the Muay Thai artists and says "I'll now fight you, but I'll fight you four at a time!" The Muay Thai fighters figure they can knock this guy out quickly, then settle the honor of who the best fighter is amongst themselves, so they line up four by four, rush in, and in a flurry of elbows and knees, they all end up knocked out on the ground. Four by four the Muay Thai fighters rush in, only for this guy to remain standing after all of them. This is intimidating to the other fighters who are watching, and more people start heading home.
H
... keep reading on reddit ➡Rectum.
He hit him with "Ja-Pan"
Anemone
i said "of course, these shoes are killing me!"
She wouldn't tell me because she said that would defeat the purpose.
A string walks into a bar. Goes to the counter and asks for a drink. The bartender says “We don’t serve strings here.” Defeated, the string walks outside. He thinks for a moment, and comes up with a plan. The string pulls at the very top of his head. He messes it all up and loosens up what was once in the aglet. He then ties his neck into a knot. He walks back in. He orders a drink. Bartender says, “Aren’t you that string that just walked in here?” String says, “No, I’m a frayed knot.”
At the on the border of their land is a pool that conjoins the two luxurious estates. In this pool each man has a pet dolphin. Every day, the two old men stand at the edge of the pool, and argue about who's dolphin is the smartest. This has gone in for years.
Then one day the first neighbor says "Let'ssettle thus ince and for all!"
So the two men begin to divise a test to determine which dolphin is the smartest. They spare no expense. There are obstacle courses, memory tests, decoding puzzles, hoops to jump through; the whole nine yards.
As the day of the test comes closer, the first neighbor statys to get nervous. He thinks to himself "what if my dolphin loses...I would be humiliated." So he decides to drug his neighbor's dolphin.
The day of the test arrives and of course the first neighbor wins with flying colors. He gloats his victory for months...but after a while he begins to feel guilty...
So he tells his neighbor "Hey neighbor, I have to come clean. I cheated in the dolphin test. I drugged your dolphin. We don't really know who's dolphin is the smartest."
His neighbor looks at him and says, "You know, that really defeated the porpoise."
today while carrying our child(10m) in a bodycarrier at a Viking fair, a shop owner asked if I was using one of thoes new 3d printed shirts, and right there I knew it was my time to shine
I said." while yes, it takes about 9 months to print."
the look on his face was priceless, took a few revolutions but then he just look a bit defeated..
GF's look was a mix of headshaking and laughter...
To be fair, it was the first time I tasted defeat.
The clerk said that if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
Thor
de smell.
Because he was a not-see!
.
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My son speaks french.
"Defeat" sounds almost exactly like "Deux feet".
It was lit!...which totally defeated the purpose.
Kryptoknife
The year is 2100, there is a fisherman who just finished dinner and he asks his grandson to go 'get the old bay' so his grandson goes into the pantry and gets the old bay seasoning
The old fisherman says
"boy! that's not the old bay! go and get the old bay!" so the grandson goes back into the pantry, and he looks everywhere, but he can't find anything marked "old bay"
So he goes back to the old fisherman and says, defeated
"I can't find the old bay"
The fisherman groans
and walks outside
a few minutes pass by
and then the old fisherman comes back inside with his wife
and says
"THAT'S not the old bay"
and then he points at his wife and says
"THIS is the 'Old Bae'"
note: I've told this joke at my job in two separate meetings. They are quite fond of "dad jokes" so I thought I would try to share it, and I gotta tell you. The silence was deafening both times. It's now evolving into an ironic joke we tell to make people cringe. So proud of it.
(Edit: added example of the problem at the bottom of the text)
BLUF: What are good retorts to the, "Hi [name], I'm Dad" classic?
I don't usually dabble in the dark arts of dad joke combat, but it's important to know how to defend yourself, especially on this sub.
My kids have begun to develop a calloused approach to my classic zingers and instead seek vengence, using my own spells against me now.
While I'm very proud of them for getting me with the same "Hi, I'm [name]" joke, there has to be a way to defeat it. Plus I need to remind them, that such power is not theirs to wield.
Dads of Reddit, what should I say back when they get me?
---EXAMPLE (True story)---
Me: No, we'll play that tomorrow. It's too late and I'm really tired right now.
Child: Hi really tired right now, I'm [name]
Me: Stunned yet proud silence <-- fix this
Librarian: "Well, that would kinda defeat the purpose, don't you think?"
Why, the defeat of the hun army and the safety of China of course!
When a horse jumps over defence, defeat go first then detail...
When a horse jumps over defence defeat go first the detail
