I went to a Ford dealership the other day looking for a specific model. The salesman told me they didn’t have what I was looking for and that I wasn’t allowed to leave.

There was no Escape.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Evilmd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
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My buddy got to the Nissan dealership just in time to buy his truck during a sales event.

It was the Final Frontier

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SplashbackDeuce
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
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Did you hear about the guy who bought an electric car and got in a wreck just after he left the dealership?

He turned over a new Leaf.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joepopp
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
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The car dealership in my town just doubled its size.

Now it can offer a whole lot more.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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What did the psychic say to her mother at the shady auto dealership?

β€œBad car ma.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Unfussed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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I showed this woman all the F-150s at my local dealership, and she instantly wanted me.

I guess she was really into pickup lines.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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A snail went to a car dealership and bought the flashiest, fasted, most eye-catching car they had. The snail then special ordered β€œS”s to be printed all over the car. The salesman asked why all the β€œS”s, the snail replied:

When people watch me drive by they’ll say β€œLook at that S-car-go”

(A joke my dad told me many many years ago)

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FemaleDadClone
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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I paid a car dealership a monthly fee to drive a car for 2 years then after that I would return the car to the dealer...

It was the leased of my worries.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
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Why was Hulk banned from the Honda dealership?

He was throwing a Fit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BklynWhovian
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
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I wonder if the mechanics at the Honda dealership had to take a Civics lesson...
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lewd-roth-sama
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2018
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Got my girlfriend with this over the weekend....As a car with giant subwoofers drove by blaring music and shaking the apartment building, I asked "you know how you buy one of those cars at the dealership?"

You just ask for the bass-line model.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrumpetJedi
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2017
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This is the company that makes the giant bows they put on cars at dealerships. imgur.com/qG1H5ie
πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/therotull
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2013
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Why did Beethoven go to the car dealership?

Fur Elise

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirTogy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2017
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Tomorrow I have to take my Q40 into the dealership for an oil change, then pick up new bed sheets and some towels.

To Infiniti, and Bed Bath & Beyond!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OPs_Mom_and_Dad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2015
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Snail car

One day a snail went to a car dealership, he said to the dealer. I want a custom car, a car that’s very fast and had a big s on the side. The dealer said ok and the snail paid. 3 weeks later the snail got a call that his car was ready. When the snail went back to the dealership for his car and the dealer asked him why he snail wanted a big s on the side, and the snail said β€œI’ve been very slow all my life, so when I’m going down the freeway at high speeds, I want people to look over and say look at that escargot”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Neg12DollaBill
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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They caught me selling knockoff paintings from the back of my Honda Odyssey, so they impounded my car.

It was really sad to see my Van Gogh.

BONUS-

I head back to the Honda dealership to purchase a truck, but instead I Tacoma Toyota.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NukeyHov
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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I want to start an automobile manufacturing company called "Huff"

So customers at the dealerships can leave in a Huff.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/qaddosh
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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I'm a shell of a man

Snail slides into a Tesla dealership after seeing Elon Musk on TV. Inches his way up to a salesperson. Snail asks to go on a test drive, the sales person shrugs, says sure, why not. It's been a slow day.

After it's over, snail is impressed. "I gotta get one of these!

Saleswoman asks if he can afford it. He is, after all, a snail. Snail retreats into his shell comes out with a wad of cash, the exact amount for the car.

"Yeah lady, I can pay! Can I get it customized?"

The woman says of course, but it'll cost more. Snail whips out more dough.

Snail says "Paint it with pink S's all over the vehicle!"

The saleswoman says sure and asks why.

The snail says "When I'm driving around, I want people to say 'WOW! Look at that fast, pink electric S-car go!'"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/earthwulf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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Mitsubishi

A few years ago, I bought my first car. A Mitsubishi. I didn't have much money, so I was glad the dealership worked with my. I was so excited I went to see my grandfather. I said, "Grandpa, I got a Mitsubishi, zero down!"

He looked at me and said, "When I was your age, I also got a Mitsubishi Zero down."

from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApOfbxpL4Dg&lc=Ugw87PmwOat4WPlRvQR4AaABAg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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I got dadjoked by my therapist today...

This past weekend I got a new car, a Saab. My therapist and I were chatting about it, and then he hit me with this one:

Me: Nobody could give me a ride to the dealership, so I had to get my Saab a full week after I had originally planned to.

Him: Oh no, not another one of your Saab stories...

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MelMel5643
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2015
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Just yellow please

One day, an elderly woman was walking along the street, coming home from the supermarket. Her bag of groceries was especially heavy that day, and as she passed Nathan Hale's Used Cars, she got an idea that she could drive herself to the store and save a lot of shoe leather, time and aching muscles. She walks into the car dealership and, as it just so happens, gets the owner himself. He asks her what kind of car she wants and she replies,

"Well, sonny, I can't remember the name exactly, but it has something to do with hate or anger."

The owner replies, "Well, let's see... Oh yes, you want a Plymouth Fury! We have a couple on the lot. What color do you prefer?"

The lady has some trouble explaining the exact color to him, so she reaches into her shopping bag, takes out an ear of corn, strips down the shucks and says, "I want this color sonny."

To which Nathan replies, "Ma'am I'm sorry, but we don't have any in this color. Could I show you a nice blue one?"

"No son, I want this color."

"But ma'am, they didn't make that color! Maybe a cherry red one would suit you?" says the owner, obviously worried about losing a sale.

By this time, the old lady gets mad, and starts throwing things at the owner, thereby chasing him out of the office and into the lot. One of the salesmen, coming into the office from the back door, notices the disruption and asks the secretary what the old woman was so upset about.

The secretary replies, "Apparently, Hale hath no Fury like the woman's corn!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrotalusHorridus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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New car = great dad joke?

I bought a 2004 VW Beetle Turbo a few months ago. While driving down the road, I heard a sort of mechanical shifting sound whenever I went over 45 MPH. I didn't think anything of it at first, but it continued every single time. I finally turned to Google to make sure my car wasn't broken. Found out that the Turbo models have a hidden spoiler at the top of the rear windshield that pops out at high speeds.

Relaying the story to my friend later, I told her, "I guess the dealership should have given me a....spoiler alert."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rawritsmoni
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2014
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New Cell Phone Store

A new cell phone store just opened in an abandoned car dealership building.

Now the sign out front reads Nokia.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/raven21633
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
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I got solicited today

So I work at a car dealership in not the best part of town. I was outside enjoying a smoke when a frail woman with bad teeth walked towards me. "I'll suck you off for a plate of lasagna," she said. I shot back, "sorry, I'm not interested in pastatutes."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frtss
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2014
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My dad told me this joke when I was 12...

A little kid and his dad were walking past a shop one day when the kid spies a bright red tricycle in the store window. The kid starts to beg his dad for the it, saying that he never wanted anything more than that tricycle and that he would never be bad again. The dad simply asks the kid, "Can your dick touch your ass?". The kid, disarmed, just says "No." to his dad, who responds "Too bad, then." and continues walking.

A few years later, the kid (now a teenager) and his dad were driving past a motorcycle dealership. The kid takes one look at a beautiful Panhead sitting outside and begins begging his dad for the motorcycle. The dad just looks at his kid again and asks, "Can your dick touch your ass?". The kid, who had forgotten the tricycle until then, just responds with "No." His dad just chuckles and says "Too bad, then."

Fast forward another few years, the kid is now an adult coming home from his last year at college to see his folks. The first thing he does when he sees his dad is put on a great, big grin and ask him "Hey Pops! Can I get a Ferrari?". His dad, again, asks him "Can your dick touch your ass?", but this only makes the kid smile even wider. The kid responds with an enthusiastic "You betcha!", beaming right at his dad.

The dad just stares blankly at his son for a little while and tells him:

"Then you can go fuck yourself."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brohanwashere
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2013
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Buying a new car

My dad and I were at a car dealership and the car salesman came to us and held out the key to show us the car and said 'Lets look at it' and my dad said 'Wow it is a very shiny key'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dagr8bomb
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2015
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With my cousin

My cousin just started his job at a dealership. I met him at the bar afterwork. Him and a couple of his friends were playing rummy when I arrived. It soon became his turn to shuffle and deal. After he dealt out the hands, he showed me his cards since I wasn't playing.

Cousin: "I dealt out a terrible hand."

Me: "That you did. Good thing you don't work at a dealership."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_of_Dorks
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2016
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Out-dad joked my dad about car names the other day

My parents were visiting me, and my mom's been looking at a new vehicle, specifically a Toyota Rav4. As she's not the most tech-savvy, she got one of the paper brochures from the dealership about the features available.

Being marketing literature for a small SUV, there were plenty of pictures of people running, hiking, and being active. My dad looks at it and goes: "so is this the Toyota for runners?" I immediately said "No, that's probably the Toyota 4runner".

My mom cracked up. My dad just groaned.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tullyswimmer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2016
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Dad joked a car salesman

Today I was at a Honda dealership finalizing a lease on my girlfriend's new car. The salesman was chatting us up and showed us a picture of his daughter. He says "This is my 2 year old daughter. Her name is Alexis". Without missing a beat I said "Alexis? Why didn't you name her a Honda?". Both the salesman and my girlfriend gave me the "oh no you didn't" look.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnyapplsede
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2014
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In the car with my dad

So we're driving and he looks over to a business and says "Wow, look how busy that place is!"

The parking lot was full because it's a car dealership.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/atizzy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2013
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So my parents are car shopping...

Dad was telling me about all of his research he's doing before they make their purchase. He reads reviews and watches videos and asks friends, the whole nine yards. He said that some of the highest rated cars he's seen, such as from Consumer Report, are just really ugly to him. The following conversation ensued:

Me: What's so ugly about them? Can you put your finger on it?

Dad: Well, your mom and I are going to visit a dealership next week, so then I'll be able to put my finger on it. Get it? Because I'll be able to touch-

Me: Yeah, I get it.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2016
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Fred Flintstone was driving to work one day...

...and accidentally hit a curb going around a corner. Since then, any time he loosens his grip on the steering wheel, his car drifts to the right. Knowing he needed to have it serviced anyway, Fred goes to the local dealership to figure out what's going on. At the service desk, Fred talks to the manager about how his steering wheel is acting funny.

Service manager: "Oh, that's pretty common. You just need an alignment."

Puzzled, Fred asks, "What's wrong with it that an alignment can fix?"

Ushering Fred over to his car, the service manager answers, "It's pretty obvious, actually. If you look right there, your front driver-side wheel has too much toe."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Faerco
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2016
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My father's goto joke-I've heard it a million times.

An old-slow snail decides one day that he has had enough of the townsfolk belittling him for his pace. He spends about three-days making his way over to the Car-Dealership so that he can buy himself a sports car.

While at the dealership he asks the salesman if they will customize his Corvette for him. The Salesman replies, "Sure! What can we do for you!?"

The snail replies, "I would like you to paint a big, red "S" on the side of my car?"

The salesman says, confused, "Of course we can."

The customization is done and the Salesman turns to the Snail and says, "We're all finished, but I have to ask---While looking through your information I couldn't find any reason why you would want an 'S' on your car---Your first or last name doesn't start with 'S', So--Why the heck did you want that 'S' on your car?!"

The Snail turns to him and replies gently- " For years I have been tormented by the people of my town, and now I'll get to fly by them in my fancy sports-car, and they'll all say: 'Wow! Look at that 'S' Car go!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zjaws88
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2013
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The car dealership in my town just doubled its size.

It can offer a whole lot more.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
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