How did the dinosaur get clean?

With a meteor shower!

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DecIsMuchJuvenile
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you use to clean the air?

An air-conditioner

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mankutu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
How does the Earth keep itself clean ?

With a meteor shower

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amart1985
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
The first company to rename their dinner rolls "gravy mops" is really going to clean up.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OtakuShogun
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you clean your hands at the North Pole?

You use hand Santa-tizer.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spiffypack
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I play minesweeper while my wife cleans the house...

Because she is dealing with hersweeper

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rubenmiq
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Who keeps the ocean clean?

A mermaid!

Courtesy of my 10 year old daughter

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/No_Gray_Area
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the flatbread become a clean comedian?

He wanted to be naan-offensive.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mealonx
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Many Folks Don’t Know that Santa Often has to Clean the Small Bits of Poo from his Reindeer Butts.

They call them Jingle Berries.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SchpeederMan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
[META] Dad jokes should be clean, not just groan-inducing. That's what makes it a Dad joke, we can tell it to the kids in front of Mom and not get in trouble (other than maybe for the punchline).
πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/b6a6a6l
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the tailless horse so clean?

It got detailed!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CjMcDonald85
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Two cowboys walking through the plains, no food or water, death imminent. When through hazy vision one of them spies a tree, covered in bacon by an oasis of pure clean. One cowboy hide behind a rock, as his confused friend runs to the tree... only to be gunned down by some bandits.

The second cowboy is relieved to be alive, and thankful that he knew that that was no bacon tree.

It was a ham bush

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MafiaCub
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What does the Mandalorian use to clean up Baby Yoda's messes?

He uses Bounty [a paper towel brand in the US]

I'm very proud--my teenage son just came up with this one, though I see a few variations when searching through past dad jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tampaillini
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
When you clean the vaccum cleaner, you become the vaccum cleaner
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MarshmelloFan135
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was a young boy, I was walking down a gravel road with my grandpa. I accidentally slipped and fell to the ground, cutting my knees. Grandpa gently bent down and began to clean the wound, removing the little pebbles now embedded in my skin as I cried...

I'd always heard adults talk about it, but I finally knew what they were talking about.

I'll never forget the pain of my first kid knee stones...

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who cleans the outside of the International Space Station?

A vacuum cleaner

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dinsy_Crow
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the best way to clean up fake shit?

Sham Poo

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BadA55Name
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
A colleague at worked complained he couldn't find any clean cups. "Maybe they're in the naughty corner," I offered. "Why would they be there?" he asked.

"Because they were acting like mugs."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A queen went travelling to a foreign land. She asked her two ladies in waiting to clean for each other while she was gone, so they wouldn't be out of practice when she got back. When she returned, the two had fallen in love and gotten married.

They were maid for each other.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the mermaid use to clean her tail?

Tide

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MitchellOfficial
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when the grocer fails to clean up a mess in the store?

A wrecked aisle dysfunction.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/assafstone
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Who is in charge of keeping the ocean clean?

A mermaid.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterLink172
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to give the guy who came to clean our septic tank out a beer. He said, β€œI’m not the type of guy who drinks on the job.”

I said, β€œYeah, you wouldn’t want you’re boss to catch you shit faced.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gun_God
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
🚨︎ report
what did the pancreatic cancer say to the lung cancer after the lung cancer told him to clean his room?

Ok, tumor

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CobbBigBrain
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What snakes keep the windscreen clean?

Vipers

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tankerman05
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Accidentally used a dirty cloth to try and clean the table.

Instant ragret.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the boy clean the toilet?

It was his duty.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattBatz1991
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My Latin wife dances a lot as she keeps the floors clean...

She likes to rumba...

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I took apart the coffee maker to clean it but can't figure out how to put it back together.

My wife says this is grounds for divorce...

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œSon, go clean the attic.” β€œBut dad, theres asbestos up there!”

β€œJust clean it as-best-os you can.”

Source: my dad

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brainsonastick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the hardest part to clean of a Star Wars ship?

The Kylo-Rim!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GameWriter40981
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I was suppose to clean out the fish tank today...

But I have no idea where they drove off to

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timeexterminator
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad: I’M GOING TO BUY A BROOM AND CLEAN THE KITCHEN FLOOR TODAY!!!

Dad: Oh wait. It’s Wednesday. Tonight I have to be at work until 9.

Dad: I really shouldn’t make sweeping declarations.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frupp110
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
🚨︎ report
When you partied too hard last night, now you gotta clean up the litter the next morning
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fengyuseah
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
🚨︎ report
My child was setting up a science homework project on the dinner table. I swiped the table clean and threw the table outside. He asked "what was that for?"

I said, it's a periodic table. You cant use it right now.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InspectorBugNuts
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a racecar clean the house with?

A broom broom.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CanIAm
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I went fishing today and caught 36 bluegill, each a slabber in its own right! I got home and dumped em in the kitchen basin, to clean. My wife got pissed!

No one respects the panfish sink decision...

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
The Mars rovers have to be sterile before being sent to the planet to prevent cross contamination. Just one germ and they must clean the spaceship again...

The whole mission must be scrubbed.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?

Hygiene!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Battlealvin2009
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Wife asked me to clean the bathroom so I asked for the dolphin spray...

Wife: What!?

Me: You know, the all porpoise cleaner.

Wife: You're a fucking idiot.

Sorry if this is a repost but I've never seen it before so it's new to me!

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/STB532
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the astronaut clean up the space debris?

With a vacuum cleaner.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pacos-ego
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife is furious that I don’t clean the coffee from the machine after I am done with it.

Grounds for divorce.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Keep the earth clean

It’s not Uranus

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fauxjaux
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you clean the ocean?

You use Tide

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExcelOceans
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
🚨︎ report

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