I think the girl at the Airlines check-in just threatened me.
She looked me dead in the eye and said, “Window or aisle?”
I laughed in her face and replied, “Window or you’ll what?”
A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks if he can assist with any luggage.
The photon replies, “No, I’m traveling light.”
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
What's the best way to check the quality of Lady Gaga's botox?
Today at the bank some old lady asked if I could help check her balance.
I went to the bank and asked the teller to check my balance.
She shoved me pretty hard but I didn't fall down.
A photon checks into a hotel. "Need any help with your luggage sir?" asks the porter.
"No thanks " replies the photon. "I am travelling light."
Santa forgot to check the weather
Its Christmas eve and santa claus has forgotten to check the weather before his Christmas run .
Just before leaving he asks Mrs claus "what's the weather like for tonight?"
"Rain dear" she replies
I started a job watching hourglasses just to check if the correct amount of time was passing for them.
But recently I’ve been bringing in model airplanes so I can make the hourglasses passengers and watch time fly.
Yesterday, our boss Monty asked us to check the stock of vegetable shortening.
It was the count of Monty’s Crisco.
If your vehicle breaks down in California, make sure your mechanic uses the state flag to check your oil ...
Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis"
Guy #1: Check out these pictures I took of the wheat fields during my drive in the country
Guy #2: That would explain why they look so grainy
He gets a mini heart-attack when the Australian waiter says "Check, Mate"
This morning, I told my Australian friend that the store was having a sale, and that he should check it out. He looked up at me, took out his earphones and said...
I glanced up, called my daughter over to the computer and said, "Hey, you like jokes right? Come here and check this one out!"
Visiting my parents for the first time since COVID. He has taken up cropdusting people and proclaiming, "Surprise health check." To make sure you can smell and/or taste still.
Sorry not a witty one-liner but peak of dad humor.
A woman checks out of target with two apples, a banana, and a quart of ice cream. The cashier asks, “Are you single?” The woman replies, “Yes, how could you tell?”
A man from Prague and his friend were playing chess at a restaurant when an Australian waiter interrupts their game. The waiter says, "have a check, mate. Your Czech mate is about to be in checkmate... oh, and here's the cheque, mate."
My dad told me to look in the fridge and check out the milk that went bad
I asked my wife to check the kale because it...
Looked a little iffy. She said "check it yourself, if its gross, dont use it."
I said "i'd prefer you check it, I'm not a very good judge of kaleactor".
She didnt even laugh or even snicker. Just an eye roll. This may have been my best pun in all of my fatherhood.
Please tell me how awesome this pun was because, frankly, it's a killer.
Check out the Chrome Wheels from Google.
My wife is teaching my little ones (3/1) about bugs so they wrote “Ant” in honey on a piece of paper to attract them and set it out on the deck. She was sad When we went out to check later that day, only one was there.
You should have pluralized it and more would have shown up!
Gotta check the pokedex for that one damn.
A little old lady at the ATM asked me to help check her balance.
All it took was one good shove to tell it was terrible.
I'm here to make a serious complaint about my local subway. Generally they do a good job, but I today I did an online order (so I didnt SEE them make anything). I didnt unwrap it in the store to check (because who does that), but when I got home it was absolutely not what I ordered.
Check out the battle scar on my arm. Made from scratch.
I had to go to a specialist to check out my bladder. The guy I saw was frickin jacked and kept warning me not to forget an umbrella.
I was like what are you some kinda meaty urologist?
A patient goes to the doctor for a check up
The doctor says " i think i know whats wrong here, your DNA is backwards."
The patient then replies "AND?"
When Hurricane Dorian hits Florida, I'm going to check out my window for the clouds to get really grey. When they're at peak greyness I'll take a picture. That way Ill always have The Picture of Dorian Grey.
I decided to check the ancestry of my retriever dog
I'm waiting on the lab results!
I decided to check my balance at the bank today.
Turns out I have an inner ear infection.
As a single Dad, I tried flirting with the check-in girl at the airport while loading my kids' suitcases.
But she just kept saying I had too much baggage.
A pod of porpoises moved into the harbor near my town. So, me and my friends decided to go camping on the beach to check it out. We brought beer for us and some raw fish to feed the pod. Everybody had a great time. You could say it was a party
for all in tents and porpoises.
R: "Batman, the batmobile is making a clicking sound and won't start." BM: "Check the battery."
Walked up to the receptionist at the clinic today to check in for my appointment. She asked: Which Doctor?
I said, no - the normal doctor.
I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance
An old lady asked me if I could help her check her balance at the bank.
An old lady walked into the bank and asked me if I could help her check her balance.
One day in the bank an old lady asked me to check her balance...
I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance....
Last night at the ATM, An old lady asked me to help check her balance
A man walked into the bank and asked the teller to check his balance.
A woman at the bank today asked me to check her balance
Today at the bank an old lady asked me to help her check her balance
An elderly woman at the bank today told me to check her balance.
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