What did Jesus Christ do for exercise?
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︎ Jun 24 2021
Three things Christ promises he will never do: Won't leave you broken-hearted (Psalm 147:3), won't reject you (John 6:37), and won't leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).
In essence, Jesus is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.
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︎ May 08 2021
Middle age is when you have the choice of two temptations....
.....and you pick the one that will get you home earlier.
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︎ Nov 19 2020
Jesus Christ would you look at the time
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︎ Sep 19 2020
Flaky buttery Christ
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︎ Feb 19 2021
Jesus Christ Snooker Star.
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︎ Feb 07 2021
Cheesus Christ our lord and savoury
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︎ Dec 01 2020
I've spent all morning trying to think of a quality pun, just to come up with THIS otter rubbish.
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︎ Jun 28 2021
My Son Ate a Bunch of Scrabble Tiles. My Wife is Scared but I'm not...
He should have a good vowel movement. His next diaper change could spell disaster though.
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︎ Jun 23 2021
Chinese takeout: $11.77. Price of gas to get there: $3.00
Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers:
Riceless
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︎ Jun 28 2021
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"
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︎ Jun 29 2021
Today on a walk my son was asking about a bunch of plants and stuff, he pointed to one and I said it was a fungi.
Without missing a beat he asks "Daddy, do you know how much room you need to grow Fungi like that?"
I did not know.
So he tells me "as Mushroom as possible!"
So proud.
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︎ Jun 26 2021
My wife told me to pick up 8 cans of soda on my way home from work
She was pretty mad when I only picked seven up
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︎ Jun 27 2021
Grandma is always saying to me ' Hey what's the name of that German guy again who keeps taking my stuff '
Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.
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︎ Jun 23 2021
Always part of a classical dish
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︎ Jun 19 2021
What do cannibals serve at the beginning of dinner party?
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︎ Jun 02 2021
SpongeBob may be the main character of the show.
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︎ Jun 16 2021
A conversation I had on a dating app. For context, her instagram is mainly pictures of chairs and her name rhymes with chair.
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︎ Jun 23 2021
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.
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︎ May 25 2021
What kind of tree comes from your mouth?
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︎ Jun 28 2021
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts?
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︎ Jun 30 2021
The one and only acceptable way of advertising
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︎ Jun 25 2021
Scientist have actually discovered a feline-like life-form on Mars! But unfortunately, one of their rovers ran over it, and
Curiosity killed the cat :(
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︎ Jun 04 2021
Iβm sorry aboot these. Please donβt kick me out of this sub or shoe me away....
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︎ Jun 12 2021
My friend keeps saying βCheer up, man. It could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.β
I know he means well.
Edit: Wow. Thanks for the awards, kind Reddit strangers!
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︎ Jun 29 2021
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
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︎ Jun 03 2021
My friend was trying to feed her baby but he was having none of it. I said "Try the Airplane."
She said, "Airplane? What is it?"
"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980s but that's not important right now."
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︎ Jun 08 2021
Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx.
But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.
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︎ Jun 19 2021
What did the priest say when he saw the image of Christ in a cheese?
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︎ Apr 14 2020
What do you call 2000 pounds of bones?
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︎ Jun 30 2021
Ah sorry i didn't read the name of the subreddit right
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︎ Jun 30 2021
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night....
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︎ May 23 2021
So we all know that you find H2O inside a fire hydrant, but what do you find on the outside of a fire hydrant?
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︎ May 18 2021
What weighs more? A gallon of water or a gallon of butane?
Water. Butane is a lighter fluid
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︎ Jun 26 2021
DAD JOKES ARE NOT DIRTY.
Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.
If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.
Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???
Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.
Thank you,
A Dad.
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︎ Jun 18 2021
Does anyone know any good sword fighting puns ? I'm trying to think of any words that have..
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︎ May 23 2021
My Daughter says to me at dinner " Hey Dad, your glass is empty, would you like another one of those ? "
..why would I want two empty glasses..!?
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︎ Jun 27 2021
What is the opposite of isolate?
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︎ Jun 26 2021
Cheesus Christ
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︎ Aug 24 2020
In honor of Motherβs Day, Iβd just like to say,
βthank you for your cervix.β
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︎ May 09 2021
My friend made a lot of money selling viagra
I told him to keep it up!
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︎ Jun 24 2021
My wife has accused me of stealing her Thesaurus....
Not only was I shocked, I was also aghast, appalled and dismayed.
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︎ Jun 11 2021
I need someone to repair the stone wall in the front of my house, but I donβt have a lot of money.
Incidentally, Free Masons are not what they sound like.
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︎ Jun 11 2021
Someone has glued my pack of cards together...
I don't know how to deal with it.
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︎ Jun 21 2021
I googled "What can you make with 50kg of sulfur?"
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︎ Jun 10 2021
My cousin has a crippling, irrational, fear of being beaten up by Mexicans.
β¦.so his doctor gave him medication for Hispanic attacks.
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︎ Jun 16 2021
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet
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︎ Jun 07 2021
All hail the holy antlers of the deer god
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︎ May 19 2021
Jesus Christ is such a legend
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︎ Apr 04 2021
Three things Christ promises he will never do: Won't leave you broken-hearted (Psalm 147:3), won't reject you (John 6:37), and won't leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).
In essence, Jesus is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.
π︎ 2k
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︎ Oct 25 2020
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