I hate when people teabag me in video games, it really taints the experience
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πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
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A woman suddenly in labor shouts, shouldn’t! wouldn’t! couldn’t! didn’t! can’t! The doctor says "don't worry."

β€œThose are just contractions.”

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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Why don't people who eat ass make good taste testers?

Their tongues have been TAINTed!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beastocity1089
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
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What does eating HIV tainted food do, you ask?

AIDS digestion.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiteWalterBlack
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
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[Meta] The real purpose of dad jokes

Back in the before times, when sit-down restaurants existed, I used to order boneless cheese sticks and would just throw the word "boneless" in front of any appetizer with 100% corniness. The purpose of this isn't to make a good joke. It's not a good joke. The purpose is to make my dining companions catch some cringe splash damage and want to crawl into a hole and die out of embarrassment for my being horribly corny.

But there is a real, deeper purpose that I've discovered entirely by accident. People, especially young people, are so self-conscious and worried about saying or doing something embarrassing that it taints a lot of social gatherings. They go to a restaurant and are afraid to speak up even when their order is blatantly wrong. They'll tip well even when the food took an hour to arrive and the server has disappeared into the corn stalks behind a baseball field. It takes 2 hours of hanging out together before some friends finally stop nitpicking themselves, uncomfortable in their own bodies and brains, feeling perpetually judged, and begin to relax. These are the kinds of people who go to sleep every night replaying cringey moments from high school. Their last thought of the day is when the Burger King girl said, "Enjoy your meal!" and they said, "Thanks, you too."

It takes 2 hours and/or a lot of booze before they're comfortable enough to take conversational risks and truly reveal themselves. But if I come right out of the gate with a really dumb joke, then we can cut to the chase. There's less danger because someone in the group already shot themselves in the foot, right off the bat. They pulled a pin on the cringe grenade and then jumped on it.

You cringe at my dumb joke and then we're over the hump. Someone has already done something pretty stupid, so go ahead and order the hubcap of nachos and a massive chocolate shake because nobody is going to judge you poorly while they're all judging me.

In terms of price negotiations (haggling), there is a psychological concept called "anchoring". You throw out the first number and all subsequent numbers are compared to that number. This is the same idea. We've already set the humor standard pretty low at "boneless cheese sticks", so you can say the dumbest shit you want and, as long as it's not worse than my cheesy joke, it won't matter.

This is why, when you were a teenager and your dad took you and some friends out, your dad made corny jokes. He knew they were corny jokes. You and your friends un

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Permatato
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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My wife poked me behind my balls...

Now our relationship is tainted.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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In the grim darkness of the far future, there are only dad jokes.

What is yellow, sour and fights for the Emperor?

A Lemon Russ!

What body of water has the taint of chaos?

The Hera-sea!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rossum81
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2017
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Every damn time my dad comes over to work on my family's cars.

His hands all dirty with oil and other car parts gunk. Me: "Dad want something to eat?" Dad: "Sure why not" I serve him and before he grabs a bite. Dad: "Wait, did you wash your hands? I hope you did before you served me"

Then he goes on for a good 5-10 minutes about all the possibilities that I could have tainted his food with dirty hands and not showering before he gets up to wash his hands and eat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ATGunter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2013
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