Suidae Puns

The Second Catastrophe (Zombie Piglins)

The hell of the war has been enough and the life that flourishes in the nether is happy as everything is peaceful and alive but the builders didn’t close their portals as they were basically ruined by the wither with the new smarter piglins being more curious too, my theory is that a part of the diverse group of piglins decided to try and rebuild a portal with crying obsidian to fill in any blanks and applying gold to these portals in an attempt to power it up, they kept trying to use new energy sources until they tried soul sand. The soul sand emits a blue fire that burns for longer and they tried using it and their attempts succeeded but the power of the souls had been so immense that the portal spread the nether into the vicinity of the portal and they stored some stuff after they entered. The second they entered they caught a virus that was deadly to them, they had no effects at the start so they could store some items but they went back through to the nether with something they didn’t want or expect (those that entered were scouts), the virus spread everywhere in the land and it devastated a lot of the ground in different areas destroying the nylium everywhere until it grew a resistance that reduced the virus’ effect to removing the spread of nylium as it destroyed the one DNA strain that allowed it to spread over the netherrack that was there. It gave rise to the nether wastes. The piglins and hoglins were affected with two stages 1. Body shaking as DNA strains are isolated and 2. Many DNA strains being destroyed simultaneously causing unknown final effects, many died and the ones that lived came out horrible, holes in the skin, high amounts of rot, hollow eyes and vengeful aggression had forced the piglins away, hoglins had the same effect but they were hostile as an animal. The piglins stayed away from soul fire and swore to never use the bootleg portals and those portals slowly fell apart and stayed there. The one other sign is great filters, the solution of why life isn’t existent that is alien things that could kill them easily, eg 4546B’s precursors being wiped out by the Kharaa bacterium (Subnautica). The society started to fall apart as they split into groups. The virus had been broken down over time in the nether but is still there and surging in the overworld as it must have required sunlight to survive for long, but the damage was permanent as the long time of the zombie piglins having no DNA to sus

http://pepon99.deviantart.com/art/Pig-Family-Tree-582470430

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

He lost May

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Put it on my bill

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

Calcium, nickel, neon

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

I'll start this off by saying that Lydia, or should I say Rogneda the First, is one of my favorite unifiers out there, but despite that, I find her writing extremely boring and unimaginative. Basically, what seems to have happened, is that the devs came up with the old Rurik that we all love and came up with his successor, Yuri, which is a slightly radicalized version of Rurik, but goes roughly in the same direction than him.

That's all well and good, but like every unifier, there's got to be an internal power struggle and that's when Lydia comes in... Except it seems the devs didn't know what to do with her. Thus Lydia is basically just the negative of her brother and of the starting situation of the realm. Equality for all ? No, let's create a strong hierarchy. Powerful state unions ? Nah, fuck these whiney workers. And most of all, what is continuously shoved down your throat : she's pragmatic, Yuri's idealist. The only things where Lydia isn't just her brother's negative, is that she creates hospitals and is a women's rights advocate, and that comes solely from the fact that she used to be a nurse and she's a woman. Thus, the character and her ideas are from the beginning quite unimaginative, which is sad, considering the blank canvas that is Kemorovo and a character that was a nobody in OTL.

But Lydia isn't jsut badly written as a character, because her whole place in Kemorovo and its story is pretty bad. As said before, she's the face of pragmatism against her brother's ideals, the problem is, this dichotomy is scenristically uninterresting for Kemorovo : essentially, it's the SBA's power stuggle, but worst.

The premise is the same : idealism with Suida, pragmatism with Stepanov and at stake, the future of a brought-back-from-the-dead ideology. But in the SBA, that power struggle is interesting, first of all because it's an ACTUAL power struggle, not Rurik's choice, meaning that both side build up their power base (or rather Stepanov tries to build up his own power base) for the final reckoning. But in Kemorovo, it all comes down to a bunch of focuses, which is quite underwhelming and the focuses don't really build up a base of power, or at least not explicitely so and most importantly, it all comes down to Rurik's choice, so he could totally chose Lydia despite implementing all of Yuri's ideas or vice versa. I get that the one who implemented his vision wins Rurik's heart, but same here, it's never explicited and Rurik rarely has to do anything

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Residents of Sienna in Fort Bend County, Texas were shocked to find a pack of feral hogs roaming through their neighborhood earlier this month. One resident, Glen Garner, told the local news affiliate KHOU 11 that he estimated about 25 or 30 of the suidae.

https://boingboing.net/2021/12/24/texas-neighborhood-invaded-by-fewer-than-30-50-feral-hogs.html

Nothing, he was gladiator.