A hematophagous Arachnid Acari showed up wearing sturdy leather leggings with a belt.

Questioned by his friend why he was dressed like that he responded "Im a Chaps-tick"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NetScr1be
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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My friend found a sturdy piece of lumber to place within his guitar to improve the vibrations...

It was a soundboard

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
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What do you call a sturdy Chinese vessel in the physical plane?

A good real asian ship.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kie723
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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My kid is both cute and sturdy.

He’s adurable!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maybejaeby
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
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Why are toliets so sturdy?

They are meant to handle heavy loads.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmericanMuskrat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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Three little pigs

Once upon a time there were three little pigs, Pork Chop, Hambone, and Bacon.

The boys lived at home with their mother. One day their mother said, β€œI no longer have enough food to feed you boys, you need to go out on your own and find your fortunes.”

Not wanting to upset their mother they left the house together to seek their fortunes.

Several miles into their journey Bacon, the little pig everyone liked best, said, β€œLet’s build our houses here! This seems like a great place to start making our fortunes.”

Pork Chop and Hambone agreed. So they all began building their houses.

Pork Chop, the laziest of the bunch, decided to build his house out of straw, which he apparently stole from a nearby field. It was not a very sturdy building material, but Pork Chop didn’t care. All he wanted to do was play all day, and he didn’t want to spend too much time building.

Hambone was willing to work a bit harder and he decided to build his house out of sticks which he procured by de-limbing every tree within a 300 meter radius of their homestead.

Hambone and Pork Chop were happy. Now all they had to do was to play and sleep the rest of the day.

Now Bacon was a hard worker. He knew that his brothers had used bad materials and shoddy construction methods and he wanted to build the best house he could. He found several tons of bricks stacked in neatly ordered pallets in the forest which he decided to use for his building material. It took him several days, but when he was done Bacon had the best house on the homestead.

The next day a wolf, Scott Howard, happened upon the pig brothers and their new homestead. He spied the straw house and smelled Pork Chop inside and began to think to himself that Pork Chop would make a mighty fine meal, so Scott went and knocked on the door.

Scott said, β€œLittle Pig! Little Pig! Let me in!”

Pork Chop replied, β€œNo way JosΓ©! Not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin!”

Scott, undeterred by the reply says, β€œThen I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your crappy straw house to the ground!”

Scott began to huff and puff. He was evidently having some sort of asthma attack, but after a few tugs from his handy dandy rescue inhaler, he was able to muster enough wind to blow Pork Chops straw house to the ground.

Pork Chop narrowly escaped Scott’s massive jaws. Scared, and now homeless, Pork Chop ran for the nearest shelter he could see. Hambone’s house.

Scott, undeterred, chased Pork Chop to his new hiding place. Scott was very pleas

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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[Meta] Can anyone think of a good dad joke gift idea?

I wanted to make my Dad a chainsaw for Christmas, but I'm not sure if we have the saw and I don't want to ruin a perfectly good chain for it.

Can anyone think of another dad joke gift, like a quarter pounder with cheese?

EDIT: I did the quarter-pounder with cheese. I used little rubber bands, (The kind kids make bracelets from) popsicle sticks and a rolled-up piece of sturdy paper. If anybody wants to make it, let me know and I'll go into more detail.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ancel3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2015
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Dad-joked my supervisor at my new job.

He was explaining how he didn't want to sell his apartment because the building it was in was really solid;

Him: "It's just really sturdy. It has no faults, you know. It has no flaws"

Me: "NO FLOORS?! THEN WHAT DO YOU STAND ON?!"

I then proceeded to slap my leg and laugh good and hard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrSamKing
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2015
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Tapan Zee Bridge

Once as we were driving over it, I asked why it was called the Tapan Zee bridge.

"Well there was a German engineer working on the bridge and the other workers asked how they would know if the bridge was sturdy enough. The German responded 'you just have to find one of the supports and tapan zee if it is sturdy'"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sdk413
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2013
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