My goldfish looked really skinny, so I added some steroids to the aquarium water.

Now things are Hunky Dory.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the Mandalorian bodybuilder say when he was accused of taking steroids?

This is the Whey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/N11Ordo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My struggle my steroid addiction,

Has only made me stronger.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shareinagroove
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I got a steroid shot in my butt today...

It was a real pain in the ass...

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Big-Daddy-Ferdon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
🚨︎ report
People who abuse steroids have ill-gotten gains
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Max_Is_Homo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
It looks like some big cat was trying to use steroids to win the contest!

Even though it might look like he's lion, I'm pretty sure he ain't a cheetah

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TJPancaker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
People are injecting racehorses with steroids, but the cops are finding it difficult to convict them.

It’s like finding a needle in a haystack.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
🚨︎ report
My doctor prescribed me a nasal steroid. Now everything has a strong smell.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theholmesian
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow on steroids?

SHREDDED BEEF!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/danyodaddyo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2018
🚨︎ report
A female weightlifter went to the doctors and said β€œdoctor I’ve been taking steroids and I’ve grown a cock”

β€œanabolic?” Asked the doctor.

β€œNo, just the cock”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/feedmesteak
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I have a steroid addiction, but there is one silver lining.

It has only made me stronger.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear they're marketing steroids to the Jewish community

They call it muscle-tough

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Conorcorn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2017
🚨︎ report
Pearl Harbor of puns

If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?

I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.

If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?

China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.

I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?

I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.

I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.

I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"

I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".

If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?

If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?

My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.

I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.

Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.

Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.

You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"

A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PraetorSolaris
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My nurse just shook her head.

A patient came to the ER with a rash that she had been scratching for a few days. I told her it was an allergic reaction and that I'd prescribe her steroid cream. She asked me if she'd be discharged soon.

I said "Wow. You're really ... itching to get out of here."

Silence, then groans. Just the response I was looking for.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smeeee
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2015
🚨︎ report
How could you rename Musk's Roadster once it enters a planetary atmosphere?

Tesla-steroid

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/geekcommunicant
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What are syringes that float in space called?

You shall be blown.

It's A-STEROID

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nabeelahmxd
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Been sick lately, went to the doc yesterday. Got my wife good later.

I picked up a head cold from my toddler and was worried about it progressing to something worse. Texted my doc, and he said to come in ASAP. That afternoon, he prescribed for me some cough meds, and a nasal steroid to help with the blockage.

I get home, and after putting the still-snotty kiddo to bed, my wife and I retreated to the boudoir to talk and relax. She wanted to know what Doc prescribed. She gave me the perfect setup for a dad joke.

Me: Oh, some pearls and codeine for the cough, and a steroid spray for my nose.

Wife: Where is it?

Me: (pointing at nose) It's right here in the middle of my face.

She laughed. Good thing we were far enough away we didn't wake up the kid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/twilightmoons
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad joked my buddy

A friend of mine was telling me how he wasn't enjoying taking his steroid eye drops for an eye infection he had.

Me: at least they'll make you look hard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cornopolis
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad at dinner tonight

We were eating special hormone and steroid free grass fed steak and my sister asked what hormones are.

Dad: do you know how to make a hormone?

Sister: no how?

Dad: just don't pay her!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adickinson
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2014
🚨︎ report

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