What do you call a person who enjoys talking with the spirits of the dead?

A happy medium

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EdibleSoftware
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
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Who do ghosts like to haunt bars?

Free boos.

πŸ‘︎ 345
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nemesis0884
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
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He’s got the spirit
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πŸ‘€︎ u/According-Ad8779
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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The trail blazer lost his Christmas spirit.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bev_err
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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My ex actually has 3 spirit animals:

Lion, Ass, Cheetah

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πŸ‘€︎ u/medimanager
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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Want to contact the spirit of a dead Italian ?

Use a Luigi board.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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He has good spirit though
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Average-Fool
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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My daughter claims her school is huanted and wanted to call the ghost busters.

I told her to call the cheerleading squad instead. Figured they might know the school spirit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
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What did the encouraging girl spirit say to the other ambitious girl spirit?

β€œYou ghost girl!”

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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She fell in love with a spirit

She got ghosted

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josentangles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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That's the spirit
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danieltan1502
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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What do you get when you run into two ghosts?

A Boo Boo!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/siscona
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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A new level.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gregorybrad
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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Why don't spirits wear shoes?

Because they're...

...sole-less!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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Why witches should not ask underground spirits for an advice?

Because they live under the rock.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChillySunny
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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I heard people are blaming imaginary evil spirits for Micheal Jackson's death.

Guess they're blaming it on the boogie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aniketraghav7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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Every time I go to the liquor store, a dude comes out of nowhere to give me advice on what to buy.

He’s my spirit guide.

Edit: Thanks guys.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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It’s not a drunk argument

It’s a spirited discussion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bad_Mad_Man
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
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I... I think imma cry 😒
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWizardSquirrel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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Sitting in the ER with my son last night, he got me with this one. I was trying to lift his spirits and was pointing out all the crazy equipment they have in the room. I said "Oh look. They have tongue depressers." He says "Those won't work on me." I asked why and he says...

"I'm on antidepressants."

He's going in for surgery at 3:30pm Pacific. All your positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated.

Edit: Thank you all for the kind words and omg for the gold! He's out of surgery and looks to be recovering nicely. All your well wishes helped cheer him and his parents up.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebikerdad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
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The immaculate conception? The Holy Spirit was in the womb where it happened.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/innerstrife
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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What did Curt Cobain say when he opened a 13 year old bottle of vodka?

Smells like teen spirit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alain389
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
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I first met my wife at a fancy dress party, where I was dressed as a ghost.

I decided to woo her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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I’m gonna live forever

or die trying

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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A dead end
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcnigel73
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators?

Because it lifts their spirits

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πŸ‘€︎ u/athei-nerd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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An actual conversation with work friends

We’re sitting in the chill out area at work and there’s an old Metallica guitar Tab book near us.

One of the girls says β€œThat book smells like the 90’s”.

A guy laughs and says β€œWhat does the 90’s smell like?”

I say β€œTeen Spirit!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/r1pen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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A salutary lesson. Posted to r/jokes, probably more Dad-like

Certain related tribes in sub-Saharan Africa often raided each other's villages when most folk were herding animals. Sometimes they would take vegetables and water, but more often taking little things, to gently mock each other. It was all in good fun. After a successful raid, the "winning" tribe would celebrate by dancing under the stars, or in one of their large, grass-covered spirit houses.

One day, the Imaqi took their Satari shaman's sceptre. The following day, the Satari not only stole the sceptre back, but also the Imaqi chief's regalia.

It went back and forth, until, on a rare and daring escapade, three Imaqi warriors stole the Santari chief's throne. They put it on display, above their chief's throne in the spirit house.

The Imaqi thought that this was hilarious, and as it was beginning to rain, made merry and danced in the spirit house. Suddenly, the heavy throne on display fell down and killed a number of the dancing revelers.

The moral should be obvious: those who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/this_is_jq
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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I will hit the holy spirit into you if I have to.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tj4y
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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Why did the master distiller put an elevator in the warehouse?

To lift his spirits

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigfootNick
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
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Where does a spirit of a cat live?

In the purrgatory.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/danielsoft1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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Singer of Smells Like Teen Spirit
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Darkathion890
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
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Why did the ghost soccer team win all their games?

They were amazing at possessing the ball.

*My son's joke. I'm so proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArcticTrek
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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In the spirit of sharing our kids attempts at dad jokes,

My daughter had to wire an essay about her hobby, which is softball. Her opener:

Pitcher this, you’re standing on a mound.

I was overwhelmed, and more proud than ever. She threw in some other puns too, it was an excellent essay, she’s giving me a run for my money, I batter watch out.

Edit: thank you u/PsychicGnome for the reminder that my kids are better parents than I am

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OnionShanty
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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You know what would really lift my spirits these days?

If I integrated a gym into my liquor store.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoorHalfwayShut
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
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I tried to sue the airline for misplacing my luggage…

I lost my case.

πŸ‘︎ 254
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hobo4lifee
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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Is it o.k. to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school...

....or, am I a really bad teacher ?

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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After drinking mineral spirits...

I told the minerals to go home, they were drunk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mindfullsilence
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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Lifting your spirits
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sketchb02
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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What do you call a dwarven convict who can talk to spirits and escape prison?

A small medium at large.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hufflestuff33
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
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Lifting spirits!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blazinfastjohny
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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What do you call the spirits of honey bees?

Boo-bees

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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Getting into the holiday spirit with this Missile Toe I 3D Printed
πŸ‘︎ 639
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HumbertoL
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2017
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Dont we all love the christmas spirit
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πŸ‘€︎ u/an-original-URL
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
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How do you summon an Italian Spirit?

With a Luigi Board.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlissedIgnorance
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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