Sonic R Puns

A sonic boomer.

There were lots of Sonic booms that night.

Sonic.

I know this is bad. Literally fight me

Jeff went to his local train station and begged for the job. He got a job, as a janitor. Every day he swept the train car floors. To make his job easier, he added certain style to his sweeping technique. He used a 3 level system for how powerful he wanted to sweep. He had a small sweep for small piles of dust. Medium sweeps for leftover chip bags and plactic bottles. And the Super Mega Large sweeps for when there were spider webs as big as the train.

Jeff was a master sweeper, so he got Promoted!.. To hobo kicking. Nowadays he comes to the train station early in the morning, finds the nearest hobo, and kicks him out. However, Jeff's legs hurt after several strong kicks, so he used his 3 level system in hobo kicking. He had a small kick for tiny, bite sized hobos. Medium kicks for your average sized hobo. And his Super Mega Powerful kick for 300 pound hobos.

Jeff was sooooo good at kicking hobos and he was Promoted!.. to coal shoveling. Jeff arrives 20 minutes before his train departure, loads up with the conductor, and shovels coal. likewise with his legs, Jeff's arms got tired after several large piles of shoveled coal, so he used his 3 level system to rest Jeff's weak arms. Jeff dumps small piles of coal in the incinerator to send the train at a slow pace. He dumps a Medium pile for a somewhat fast pace. But when the train station's 30 miles away and he's scheduled to arrive in 7 minutes, Jeff uses his Big Gargantuan Humongous shoveling strength to send the train at super sonic speed!

After all of Jeff's many years of working for this train station, they finally promote him to Train Conductor! Jeff shows up to work 30 minutes early on his first day, conducts the train for his first time ever, and crashes the train. He injures 30 and kills 13 more. Jeff is sentenced to Death.

The day of Jeff's execution, he's asked for his last meal. Jeff tells the guard that he wants a 13 foot stack of pancakes and a 40 ounce jug of green Kool-Aid. Jeff takes exactly 34 minutes to eat with it all. 26 Mintues later, Jeff is taken to the electric chair.

Jeff sits down in the electric chair, and is strapped in by a nearby guard. After all the safety precautions, they turn on the electric chair.

BZZZZZZ

Nothin happened. The guard is confused and Jeff is confused. The guard trys it again.

BZZZZZZ

Nothing. Jeff doesn't even move a muscle. The guard decides to let Jeff go since he can't kill him. Before Jeff leaves, the guard has one question.

Guard : "Excuse me um, J

and today was when I cried in front of the waitress at Sonic

It's some time in the second world war and Hitlers top scientists have built a time machine. Eager to use it, but fearing an accident, the fuhrer instead sends one of his henchman forward to 1985, hoping to gain knowledge of the future to use against his enemies.

Much to Hitlers chagrin however, the henchman quickly returns to the present with only a Casio Keyboard in hand. Breathless with excitement, he declares "Mein Fuhrer! With this device we shall wage sonic warfare on our enemies!"... He hits the demo button and the room is filled with sound.

"So... what do you think?" says the henchman.

Hitler, aghast at this otherworldly device says

"You must be mad Schultz! There's no place in this world for a Nazi Synthesizer!"

What a Jamaican calls Sonic the Hedgehog.

Sitting in the car at Sonic (an American drive-in restaurant)

Daughter: Wow, that's a pretty fat cheerleader

Dad: Maybe she's a cheergallon.

Wouldn't it be so nice if Sonic added an E to its name?

While driving around today running errands.

Dad: I'm gonna stop here at Sonic. I'm in the mood for an Iced Tea.

Me: I'm more of an LL Cool J guy myself, but I can make an exception.

He looked at me with a mixture of "ugh" and "I'm so proud"

Discussing the snow we're supposed to be getting in Minnesota.

Me: I think we're going to get a blizzard..

Him: Like, from Sonic?

He laughs for long, long time

So I was in Sonic last night, since I was in the mood for a shake, and I'm sure y'all know that when you're ready to order, you push a red button then wait for the person to take your order via speaker. Well, after a few minutes, a guy came to the speaker and said "welcome to Sonic, sorry for the wait" to which I responded by saying "Weight? What? I'm not fat" then I bursted out laughing while the attendant let out an audible groan. In my mind, I said "victory is mine!"

Ordered two frozen drinks at Sonic, go to swipe my card and the card-reader is out of order. Girlfriend asks if I have any cash, so I open the ash compartment in my car and pull out a 5 dollar bill.

"I didn't even know you kept money in there!"

"Well you aren't supposed to know about it, just like any good slush fund."