Son in Law Puns

You must be built backwards because your feet smell and your nose runs.

Dad: Okay, but how the hell do I know if it’s raining in Sweden?

I told her it’s so he can cut corners

Welcome to the fam, Lee.

My in-laws were over and playing with my son. My father-in-law put a small bucket on his head like a hat.

He looked at my son and asked, "Does this hat make me look pail?"

Well if I wasn't it would be a bad joke.

Sons mate: I got 90% for my maths test today.

Me: That's great, what was it about?

Him: Volume

Me: What? I didn't catch that.

Him (slightly louder): Volume

Me: Sorry I couldn't hear you

Him (louder still): VOLUME!

I walk off chuckling to myself while he looks confused.

a sister becomes sister in law, a father becomes father in law, a mother becomes mother in law, a daughter and son becomes son and daughter in law, .

But, what does wife become?

Wife becomes the law.

It'll feel better when it stops hurting.

To give a little background: My dad was a truck driver at the time, and he never saw something on the side of the road or that had a "free" sign on it that he could drive by without at least taking a look. My brother in law was a sheriff's deputy. He told this joke to my neighbor, I will try to do it justice.

My dad, his dispatcher(DIS), and lady neighbor(LN) are outside talking and it goes something like this:

Dad: Ugh, What a f--king week. I can not believe it.

LN: What happened?

Dad: I was in Georgia and I saw this cooler in the far corner of the rest area, just as you're about to leave. I looked around and I didn't see anyone... So I figured someone had forgotten it on their picnic... It was a nice ass cooler too. Igloo brand with the heavy duty wheels. It was beautiful.

LN: Let me guess, you took it and the food that was in it?

Dad: Oh god I wish, It was a nice cooler. So, I go over and I'm still looking around in case the owners are still there. So I get to the cooler and I'm thinking "jackpot." The outside looks amazing. So, I go to open it up to see if whatever is inside is salvageable or if i needed to throw it out. I open it up and I jumped back and screamed.

LN: What was in it?

Dad: FEET. HUMAN FEET. I'm thinking what the hell did I just stu...

LN: NU-UH, ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?!

Dad: YES I'M SERIOUS.. So by this time, I'm seriously freaking out and I have no clue what to do. I nearly passed the f--k out. I had no idea what I should do.

LN: (with her hands over her mouth in horror) OMG, WHAT DID YOU DO?

Dad: Well, you know my son-in-law is a police officer in Florida..

LN: mmhmm

Dad: Well, I didn't know what to do so I called him.

LN: What did he tell you to do?!

Dad: Call a tow truck.

LN: ....what?

Dad: Get it, toe truck?!

LN: YOU'RE SUCH AN ASS. OMG I HATE YOU.

DIS: Oh, look at that, M*****, I just got word from the office that you're up for this month's random drug test.

Edit: Formatting errors, sorry guys!

In a village just outside Sherwood Forest lived Old Robinhood, he had lived a very exciting life with his band of merry men, and his cause of stealing from the rich and giving to the poor and had a fantastic time doing it. He even had a sign outside his door that said, Robinhood, Bandit - but somehow the law never seemed to have noticed and he had lived in plain sight, doing good deeds, giving away money anonymously and living for the cause.

But now age had started to catch up and not being as nimble as he once was close escapes had started to get uncomfortably close. So he decided to retire and hand over the leadership of his band to his son.

So, Robin called his son over to him and said, ‘Son, I want you to take over from me as leader of the merry men. Steal and pillage all you want, but never forget the cause - we only take from the rich to give to the poor’.

‘Father, I will do as you say’ said Robin’s son whose name was Robinson, ‘but tell me one thing, why do you stay anonymous when giving money away?

Why not let people know of your good deeds - you have a sign outside that says bandit and you’ve never been caught, why not add the cause to the sign and say ‘Robinhood, Bandit, steals from the rich to give to the poor’?

‘Fool, screamed Robin, if you put the cause over the sign then you will get caught’

A bunch of in-laws were showing up today and I was working on last minute cleaning when various annoyances happened.

Wife: "How are you doing?"

"I'm grumpy."

Son: "Hi grumpy!"

I arranged a nice car, I acted like the worlds best son in law to her parents and I held open the door when we got to the venue. All in all everything went great. When we got to the party I asked if she would like something to drink, she said yes and I went to get us some drinks. When I got back and gave her the drink she said: "wow! That was fast" and I said that's because there was no punchline.

My 2 year old son implored my father in law to join him under the table while the rest of us finished our meal. My wife said, "wow, it isn't every day you see a chemistry PhD crawling around under the table."

To which he responded "chemists have been known to periodically go under the table".

My Father in law says "I knew a bloke who had a son called Edward, and then had a daughter they named Edwina".

"Why would they do that?" Asked my wife.

"Because two Ed's are better than one".

My sister-in-law is pregnant with her second child.

Wife: "We find out what your aunt Ashley is having tomorrow."

My Son: "A baby."

I was speechless and infinitely proud of my son. He takes after me more than I ever expected.

I went to my first con ever this weekend and my dad wanted to go just to see what it was about. I was dressed as a character named Trafalgar Law, or just Law for short. this happened in sometime in the middle of the con

"Hey dad just follow me for a second, I want to check this booth out."

"Dont worry about me son, I always follow the Law."

My son in the back seat says; "Dad Waze shows the speed limit is 65mph but we are we are going faster than that. Are you breaking the law by speeding? I had to slow down to let my wife take this picture because I replied "It's all going to be ok, Nationwide is by our side!"

I made home-made oatmeal for breakfast, and Grandma (my mother-in-law) wanted hers with just butter and sugar. She said "I grew up with butter and sugar."

My responds with "OK, but what did you eat?"

My Son just made me so proud!

My name is Paul and I cooked dinner for the family last night for my son's birthday. We were talking about the food and my brother-in-law (who is also a dad) turns to me and says "yes, it's cooked to paul-fection!"

Many groans were had.

I guess you could say he's my son in law...

My son was talking to my father in law when they yell "we are getting hit by mokitos!" (Mosquitos)

I yelled back "mojitos? Where!!?!"

My wife tells "we got mojitos up in here"

And my mother in law, not joking, says. "I hear they can carry limes disease"

During a visit with my husband's parents this afternoon, my father-in-law asked about whether our son (16 months old) got a lot of playtime with other little kids around his age. I said that we go to play dates occasionally, and I mentioned that we have one coming up this week that's also a gender reveal party because the mom who's hosting is pregnant again.

FIL said, "Gender reveal? I know -- she's a female!"

Touche, FIL.

The law