Wow... Reading some of these stories on here has been quite cathartic... its been almost 10 years since I met her and almost 7 years after the fallout and I'm finally comfortable enough to share this on the internet.
2012 I meet this nice girl freshmen year of college and we start dating. This is my first girlfriend, ever! I was on top of the world!
2015 she goes to Europe for study-abroad so of course the distance is getting to our heads (to MY head at least haha). She lands an internship in my family's suburban town while I land an internship overseas, so we offer her my bedroom and she spends the summer of 2015 with my family.
For the next few months, she becomes incredibly elusive, is never responding to my texts, and we don't get physical. Her excuse? "Oh... just got back from the gyno". "Shit, its my period". (This of course is on TOP of her already low, 2 times a month, sex drive).
Despite her elusiveness she continues to "borrow" my car for days on end to go to her friend "Girl A" in downtown 20min away from the university. Finally, a few days before the semester is out, she tells me "we can't get married"... Which of course is a weird/unexpected thing to say. Apparently, that's her way of breaking up with me.
------------------------ Now here is where the insane fuckery starts ------------------------
The next 2 months are what I can only describe as the darkest months of my life. She is now suddenly engaged to "Guy A" on fb. A mysterious man "Guy B" approaches me on fb asking "Hey, are you her cousin?"... "Dafuqqqq?!?!? I'm her ex-bf"... "Whaaattttt???? I'm her fiance AS WELL"
What. The. Actual. Fuck?
Turns out "Guy A" was in fact her new friend "Girl A"... and "Guy B" was someone she had met in Europe. She was fucking THREE guys at the time and managed to get engaged to TWO of them.
The big kicker? I get ahold of a video where she is serenading "Guy B" in MY house telling him how much she loves him. And what's in this video? Pictures of him wearing my sweaters, using my sporting equipment, playing on my Xbox, and proposing to her by candlelight in my backyard. What. The. Actual. Fuck.
"Which room did you guys stay in?"... "The one with the big bathtub"... "Did you guys have sex"... "We stayed there for a whole week. So naturally, yes"
Ho-ly-fu-cking-sh-it. THEY WERE FUCKING IN MY PARENTS ROOM FOR A WEEK.
I confront her. Her response? "Nobody likes you. Nobody wants to be friends with you. You should go ahead and kill yourself alread
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Unedited; questionable language
The Parent Visit.
Previously: Vegas, baby! The girls got to see Bret in concert, which made some of them drink heavily. In their defense, having a Poison music video marathon on YouTube last night totally made me do the same. Heather finally started to see Lacey's scheming ways and declared an end to their alliance, while the cold, smooth feeling of a toilet bowl against her cheek prompted Brandi to express her love to Bret. Like any person with sense, she reneged the next day. Bret got pissed and sent her home, and we now have our final three!
It is morning in L.A. Heather and Lacey make awkward small talk, and Heather interviews that, after the way Lacey acted in Vegas, Heather doesn't trust her. Lacey has a similar "every girl for herself" attitude, and Jes tells us that her connection with Bret has really intensified, so she has to be sure to tell him how she feels. Bret twiddles with his guitar, and presumably other things, in the B.A.M.B. room, which still has the Polaroids of Brandi M. and Heather on the door. Bret has a big surprise for the Awesome Threesome -- he's asked their parents to come and live at the house for a weekend. And really, we can't say that Bret Michaels never gave anything to humanity, because this is going to be unbelievable. You marry the girl, you marry the parents, says Bret. What about when you just get a daily beej from the girl? Hope you brought kneepads, Lacey's dad!
Big John calls Heather out because -- surprise! Her parents are there. To her credit, she is super-excited. She's only ever seen her parents in a room together about two other times in her life. Not that that makes people turn into strippers, all you divorced parents out there! Keep on keeping on. Heather apparently got her fashion sense from her mom, who is wearing a sequined top. Bret emerges from his room with a look of fright, and interviews that if there's one thing that makes a rock star nervous, it's meeting a girl's parents. Yes, Bret, but how does it make YOU feel? Bret introduces himself to Brenda and David, and says his first impression was that they were cool. It's true -- you can tell that they're a fun time. Heather's dad is a party-loving good old boy from Florida, and he and Bret talk about how the Jaguars always cream the Steelers. Thanks for reminding me, Bret.
Lacey and Jes see Heather's parents and know something's up. Sure enough, Jes's folks are the next to arrive. She starts tearing up when she go
... keep reading on reddit ➡The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”
“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.
The doctor says it terminal.
Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
Do your worst!
How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.
Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
He lost May
Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
Hi All!!! It's been a while but..... (last time I posted this was 12/3)
DONT THINK YOU CAN SIT ON THE SIDELINES AND LET THE REST OF THE APES DRS!!! YOU'RE JUST PUSHING THE MOASS DOWN THE ROAD. YOU'RE KICKING THE CAN FOR THE HEDGIES!!!
I'm pulling info from u/stopfuckingwithme and from u/Asymmetric_Bet_Guy
ISSUE: You may run a checksum 11 program on the net (your choice to do this - some say don't) on your account number and then check the google post from u/phazei about whether your account is a checksum.
Warning? - some people believe there are checksum programs out there that are checking for your account numbers. I don't know if: they are serious, extremely paranoid, or there's a general good reason. If you're worried, use confidential/incognito etc to mask and a search engine like duck-duck-go that doesn't track/record your searches.
Since I get the occasional request and when I have time, I think it's best I just use the last 14 biz days of numbers that are verified. For this, it's Jan 13 through Jan 26.
On Dec 3, we had a report 92,9xx serial number.
On Jan 13, we had an estimated 113,xxx accounts
On Jan 26, we had 118,xxx accounts
We have only 5,000 new accounts in 2 weeks... :(
All of you who haven't DRS'd, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE create an account and do so. I know a lot of us have created accounts and done so, but this is a message for all those who haven't.
YES, I do realize that people are buying through accounts already created. This post is directed at those who haven't started any part of the process!!!
DRS!!!! If any broker in the U.S. tells you it takes more than 2-3 biz days to do this, threaten to report them to SEC and you'd like to log a formal complaint.
5K divided by 14 days brings us to 357 accts/day --- Wake up anyone with shares and get at least a partial DRS transfer moving ASAP!!!!
TLDR (trying to round down and stay sane with expectations):
1,180,000 total accounts
118,000 Checksum accounts
Average of 150 shares per account as we've seen since the Bot and computershared.net are working the average submissions
Previous: Creating 428 accounts/day
Creating 357 accounts/day
Need to round down from 2500: 2500 acct/week
Creating 10,000 per 4 weeks
NOTE: Previous projections are in parentheses above pres
... keep reading on reddit ➡Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.
Gender is fluid.
Overview/Disclaimer
Earlier the question of “why are there so many female characters who are hard-working?” cropped up. I’d like to offer my ideas on why that is. Disclaimer that these ideas are just mine, a random redditor, and that you’re free to disagree; (i.e. please don’t flame me if I happen to bash your favorite character). I imagine that this post will likely not be very popular; that’s okay. These thoughts are just ones I had in my head for a while; just please be kind to me in the comments. Spoilers also for the main story quest up until the end of 2.1, so don't read if you're spoiler-averse!
There are currently forty playable characters not including Aloy, who I’ll omit because she’s not an original Genshin character. The split currently is twelve male, twenty-eight female. I’ll also be going over four unreleased characters who play perhaps an even greater role in the game than some of the released characters: these four are Yae, Gorou, Thoma, and Dainsleif.
Thesis
Long story short is that most characters can be summed up in just a few words. Design philosophy is usually that way in gacha games: give the audience an easy-to-understand character with one or two charm points. Genshin is no exception; you see characters like Xiangling, a girl with a smoll bear who’s all about cooking or Diona, a smoll catgirl who’s all about taking down the Mondstadt wine industry, but where Genshin differs is that it also has a dynamic and very rich backstory… these two contradictions will butt heads over and over again.
My understanding is that, in practice, Genshin is unfortunately not very different from most gacha games in that its actual story-building is secondary to character-selling, especially with regards to the female cast. Simply put, guys are allowed to be dangerous because that’s what MiHoYo has deemed as saleable while the majority of girls are not (before you get angry, please read at least some of the analysis). I hope that this trend changes. Here’s my evidence and reasoning for why this evidence is the way it is.
Analysis (Males)
Let’s look at the guys first for a quick reference point. The majority of guys in Genshin have a commonality beyond just being male: they are dangerous; it adds spice and is done actually so well that you might not have noticed the trend. I define ‘dangerous,’ by the way, as being able to harm you when it’s not your fault. It’s perhaps a bit loose of a definition, but please bear with me.
Going d
... keep reading on reddit ➡And now I’m cannelloni
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
And boy are my arms legs.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
Amy
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
Calcium, nickel, neon
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
It really does, I swear!
Put it on my bill
