Shirt Tails Puns

One morning while sitting down for breakfast, my Dad looks up, points at my waist and exclaims, "What are those two things coming out of your butt?!" My 6 yr. old self wheels around like a dog chasing it's tail looking for said objects. nothing. I ask what they were and he says he's not sure, but that I will be fine. After school he get's home from work. Me: "Dad, do you those things coming out of my butt still?" Dad: "Yup" Repeat action and conversation from the morning again. And repeat again then next day, and the next ... 7 days in total I'm getting pissed my Dad see's them all the time but my Mom and older Sister don't. I surely don't see two things coming out of my butt. I'm starting to freak out and cry. Why can I not see these two things coming out of my butt, I'm sobbing, blubbering gibberish and spittle running down my chin to my shirt. I'm gasping for air and crying and just about to blow a gasket (I'm 6 mind you ...) my mom finally had enough, "Dammit Craig ... TELL HIM NOW!!" I get all calmed down and start getting excited, I'm going to find out! he sits me down and tells me this ... "I have told you all week that you had two things coming out of your butt?" That's why I'm losing my shit, Dad "Well, I was talking about your legs. You're legs come out of your butt and you have two of them." all the while looking me straight in the eyes, he starts a famously wonderful shit-grin. Mom loses it again, throws her arms up in utter frustration/disappointment/disbelief. Sister virtually pissing herself in laughter. My dad gets up, smiling that smile, he walks away with a pat on the head. "Pay better attention next time."

groan.

TLDR: I was 6, told I have 2 things coming out of my butt for a week. finally told that they where my legs. facepalm and groaner.

edit: - waiting for the right moment to pull this one on my 5 and 7 yr old ...

I was a young teenager, hanging out with my cousins at a family wedding. We were dressed in our finest: button-down shirts and ties (a rare thing for some of us). It was the middle of the photo shoot, so we had to wait around for our turn.

My uncle sees us, bored out of our minds, and asks if we wanted to have a "tie race." Seeing our puzzled expressions, he demonstrated by rolling up his tie from the bottom to the top like a cinnamon roll.

We got the idea immediately, rolling up our ties as well. Everyone had their own strategy: some rolled theirs tighter, others looser. Some rolled up the tail, others didn't. Some had clip-ons.

On the count of three, we released our ties to see whose unrolled the fastest. We all looked around, trying to decide who actually won the race, when my uncle declared:

It's a tie!

I'm wearing a Thundercats t shirt, and right before i left, this exchange took place

"Is that a Thundercats shirt?"

pulls off safety vest to reveal awesome Thundercats shirt

"That is an awesome Thundercats shirt. You're pretty young though, wouldn't have thought you'd have seen it on tv"

"Yeah, I just caught the tail end of it."

cracks goofy smile

He just chuckled and facepalmed then walked away.

I've used this one many times, never gets old.