Basically I was having intense fears and derealisation and anxiety getting worse every day (check out my post history for the crazy things affecting me), and was scared I would harm someone or harm myself or that my mind would be hacked and controlled. The mental health assessment team referred me to the madhouse in case I harmed myself or was becoming crazy.
The initial diagnostic psychiatric nurse, the consultant psychiatrist, and the consultant psychologist told me I wasn't going crazy, and that what I'm experiencing is intense fear, and the psychologist believes I should leave as soon as I can and get therapy outside. (I can leave whenever I want, as the psychiatrist ruled out psychosis)
While the feeling of reassurance has helped, we all know that's only temporary when it comes to OCD. Despite what all these doctors and mental health professionals with decades of experience tell me, despite what people I've met on reddit who have experienced very similar lines of crazy fears have told me, I just can't shake the fear that either all the bad things will happen, or that I will become psychotic and become dangerous. It feels so real, and it just feels like 'this time it's different, this is the end, this is the climax of bad things, it's real'
Please don't reassure me, don't tell me it will all be OK, as I'm trying to avoid that. I just wanted to get this off my chest.
Tldr: I'm in the lunatic asylum because I thought (and still think) I'm losing control or going insane or bad things will happen, even though everyone from layman to expert has told me it won't happen. I'm trying to find a way to face the fear and leave without having a huge panic attack (which I'm convinced will make me psychotic, further exacerbating my fears).
And one night, one night they decide they're going to escape! So, like, they get up onto this roof and there, just across the narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight.... Now, the first guy, he jumps across no problem. But his friend, his friend daren't make the leap. Y'see, he's afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea....He says "Hey I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap so you can walk across the beam and join me!" But the second guy shakes his head, he says "What do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was halfway across!"
Broadmoor Hospital is a high-security psychiatric hospital in Crowthorne, Berkshire, England. It opened its door’s in 1864’s and was first known as the Lunatic Asylum for the Criminally Insane. Like straight out of a comic book, the hospital is as infamous as the people it has housed over the years. Known as “Monster Mansion by some, it has housed some of the most dangerous men and women in British history. Even though a lot of the patients are sent there by the criminal justice system, it’s not a prison but a hospital for the treatment of severe mental trauma. Since its conception, the hospital has been rocked by scandals and has been brought under fire for its treatment of inmates, especially its female patients over the years. Due to his power and influence in British society, the notorious Paedophile Jimmy Savile was made a director and manager of the hospital in 1964 and held this position for over 30 years. This role came with his own set of personal keys and rooms within the hospital. The hospital is most notorious for the patients it has housed over the years. It has taken in mad royal’s, murderous politicians, crazy bombers and most notably serial killers.
Peter Sutcliff, also known as the Yorkshire Ripper, murdered 13 women and the attempted murder of 6 other women. His crimes took place across West Yorkshire and Manchester between 1975 and 1980. After one of the biggest manhunts in British history, he was finally apprehended and sent to Broadmoor in 1984.
Kenneth Erskine, the Stockwell Strangler, began his career as a burglar before moving up to rape and murder. Erskine would break into the houses of elderly people before robbing and murdering them, and in some cases sexually assaulting his victims. At the time Erskine was homeless and an abuser of solvents. He was finally caught when he was seen running from the house of one of his victims and was sentenced to live imprisonment in 1988. He was sent to Broadmoor in 2009 and is currently detained there. While there he saved the life of Peter Sutcliff when a pat
... keep reading on reddit ➡
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GtmTxL58Qg
I watched this wonderful video today and it made me realise something, absolutely everything in this place is a lie of some kind or another. Absolutely everything is a lie, yes, you heard me right. I find the teachings of the Bible and Gnosticism absolutely fascinating, because if you look at the deeper symbols of these teachings, this is what they are really teaching us.
This place is an insane asylum and you need to break free of it, you need to regain your own true consciousness, you need to regain your own heart and love back. This is what the teachings of the Bible and Gnosticism were really conveying to us.
Everything you have been taught and told and made to think and feel is a complete lie. Only when you wake up to the harsh truth, that everything you have been taught is a complete lie can you finally regain your own mind.
We are insane people surrounded by other insane people who have lost their minds. I don't know whether there is some being outside of us called the demiurge who did this to us, I no longer care to be honest. If I start to blame some outside being or agent for doing it, I have absolutely no chance of ever changing, I would be giving my own power away again to this being that supposedly is controlling my life. And as we know, this world is all about having people give their power away to others.
All I can deal with, is what I am confronted with right here and right NOW. I was confronted with the fact I was insane and I was insane because everyone else was insane, so it seemed normal to be insane. That is the only thing I can deal with and work upon right now.
I wish to also say, before I enter upon the rather painful work of narrating the events of my captivity,for I can call it by no other name so appropriate,) that before I went to the asylum as a patient, I was totally ignorant of the character of these institutions. I had never heard them described, except in one instance, and that by a man who was so unfortunate as to be carried there by force by his neighbors, as most patients are carried there. He gave me a most horrible description of his treatment, while in the asylum; how he was dragged by his hair, beaten and bruised, and how he finally made his escape and went home. I heard his sad and tragical tale, but I disposed of it as most men do, by regarding the whole story as imaginary, the effect of a disordered mind, believing that such things could never be tolerated in a Christian country.I wish to farther say, before I close my preparatory remarks, that I have no selfish motive to induce me to lay open my experience during those two eventful years. It is not for money, of course, that I do it, for in this respect I shall expect to be the loser; and it certainly cannot be to let the world know that I have been an inmate of a lunatic asylum. I do it for the purpose of opening the eyes of the people of the State of New York, that they may enquire more strictly into the nature and workings of the institutions of benevolence, so called, under their control and patronage; to warn the good people of the State of New York to never send their wives, their children, or any of their dependants to a State institution for the cure of any disease of body or mind, where the patient is confined by bolts and bars by legal sanction, and where the sole power over the patient is vested in one man, whose word is law, and whose commands are as imperious as the Sultan's of Turkey. Such is the fact in relation to the Lunatic Asylum in Utica.
Rant over.
Broadmoor Hospital is a high-security psychiatric hospital in Crowthorne, Berkshire, England. It opened its door’s in 1864’s and was first known as the Lunatic Asylum for the Criminally Insane. Like straight out of a comic book, the hospital is as infamous as the people it has housed over the years. Known as “Monster Mansion by some, it has housed some of the most dangerous men and women in British history. Even though a lot of the patients are sent there by the criminal justice system, it’s not a prison but a hospital for the treatment of severe mental trauma. Since its conception, the hospital has been rocked by scandals and has been brought under fire for its treatment of inmates, especially its female patients over the years. Due to his power and influence in British society, the notorious Paedophile Jimmy Savile was made a director and manager of the hospital in 1964 and held this position for over 30 years. This role came with his own set of personal keys and rooms within the hospital. The hospital is most notorious for the patients it has housed over the years. It has taken in mad royal’s, murderous politicians, crazy bombers and most notably serial killers.
Peter Sutcliff, also known as the Yorkshire Ripper, murdered 13 women and the attempted murder of 6 other women. His crimes took place across West Yorkshire and Manchester between 1975 and 1980. After one of the biggest manhunts in British history, he was finally apprehended and sent to Broadmoor in 1984.
Kenneth Erskine, the Stockwell Strangler, began his career as a burglar before moving up to rape and murder. Erskine would break into the houses of elderly people before robbing and murdering them, and in some cases sexually assaulting his victims. At the time Erskine was homeless and an abuser of solvents. He was finally caught when he was seen running from the house of one of his victims and was sentenced to live imprisonment in 1988. He was sent to Broadmoor in 2009 and is currently detained there. While there he saved the life of Peter Sutcliff when a
... keep reading on reddit ➡
