SHS Puns

I told her it's literally in the name. Shampoo.

Said the man with piles

I'm out for breakfast with my S.O. who is a nurse and her family. She's telling us about her patient.

S.O. - He had a paralyzed bowel.

Her Dad - He didn't give a shit.

Took us a while to realize that he lost “it”.

Officers have nothing to go on.

Student: Ah Sh*t, I used the wrong ingredients...

Horace Slughorn: *gasp* do not use such vial language in this classroom!!

...I have Stuck Home syndrome.

I sh*t you knot!!!

It’s always full of sh!t

I swallow 2 pieces of string, after they've passed through my body they come out joined together. I sh*t you knot.

Its seen some sh**

At first, I thought she was joking.

But then I saw her face...

Friend: Oh sorry, its clogged

For Hispanic attacks

Detectives say they have absolutely nothing to go on.

(12 + 144 + 20 + 3√4)/7 + 5*11 = 9^2 + 0

Well measured.

>!The expression evaluates true, but it also forms a limmerick when read out loud (click it to read a spoken version).!<

Prediction

“Together, we can stop this sh*t”

But the job of editor is more rewording.

Why didn’t I think of that?

Tony

EDIT: Alternate Ending

If you’re too much to the left or to much to the right, it’s sh*tty.

Clash: Lock The Taskbar.

I think he must be a part of some extreme mist group...

Once upon a time there were three little pigs, Pork Chop, Hambone, and Bacon.

The boys lived at home with their mother. One day their mother said, “I no longer have enough food to feed you boys, you need to go out on your own and find your fortunes.”

Not wanting to upset their mother they left the house together to seek their fortunes.

Several miles into their journey Bacon, the little pig everyone liked best, said, “Let’s build our houses here! This seems like a great place to start making our fortunes.”

Pork Chop and Hambone agreed. So they all began building their houses.

Pork Chop, the laziest of the bunch, decided to build his house out of straw, which he apparently stole from a nearby field. It was not a very sturdy building material, but Pork Chop didn’t care. All he wanted to do was play all day, and he didn’t want to spend too much time building.

Hambone was willing to work a bit harder and he decided to build his house out of sticks which he procured by de-limbing every tree within a 300 meter radius of their homestead.

Hambone and Pork Chop were happy. Now all they had to do was to play and sleep the rest of the day.

Now Bacon was a hard worker. He knew that his brothers had used bad materials and shoddy construction methods and he wanted to build the best house he could. He found several tons of bricks stacked in neatly ordered pallets in the forest which he decided to use for his building material. It took him several days, but when he was done Bacon had the best house on the homestead.

The next day a wolf, Scott Howard, happened upon the pig brothers and their new homestead. He spied the straw house and smelled Pork Chop inside and began to think to himself that Pork Chop would make a mighty fine meal, so Scott went and knocked on the door.

Scott said, “Little Pig! Little Pig! Let me in!”

Pork Chop replied, “No way José! Not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin!”

Scott, undeterred by the reply says, “Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your crappy straw house to the ground!”

Scott began to huff and puff. He was evidently having some sort of asthma attack, but after a few tugs from his handy dandy rescue inhaler, he was able to muster enough wind to blow Pork Chops straw house to the ground.

Pork Chop narrowly escaped Scott’s massive jaws. Scared, and now homeless, Pork Chop ran for the nearest shelter he could see. Hambone’s house.

Scott, undeterred, chased Pork Chop to his new hiding place. Scott was very pleas

Holy Sh!T.

Begone, dickhead!

I’m taking this sh*t to a whole new level.

If you have to force it, it is probably sh*t

...needless to say, he lost his sh*t.

"Elementary" dear Watson "Elementary"