You guys hear about the new rock band that has 4 men but don’t sing?

Called Mount Rushmore

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πŸ‘€︎ u/streety22
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
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What do you get when an alternating current and a direct current run into each other in a wire?

A good rock band.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BioWoLFex
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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A rock star's Journey

A number of years ago I was in a rock band. We were hugely successful, playing some of the biggest venues and entertaining swarms of fans.

The last shoes we ever played were on our world tour. We played the Americas and then flew over to Europe. We played our way through Russia and even a couple of gigs in China, before selling out our final show in Japan.

It was a hell of a Journey, but it was time for me to hang up my guitar. I retired from the rock star life and got an office job in Tokyo.

I made a few friends at work, and grew close with one in particular, Narada-san. One day Narada had the day off for a funeral, but that wasn't enough; he needed more time. He was torn between his obligation to return to work and his desire to have more time at home. He asked me what he should do.

The answer was simple. I picked up my guitar and played a Japanese version of our biggest hit from 1981:

Don't Stop Bereaving

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Metal Music Joke

What do you call a rock band that hates nail clippers?

Nine-Inch Nails.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WatchOutItsAdam
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
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Superb Owl

Can’t believe the sky high prices for tickets to see a band at the Hard Rock stadium this weekend! Anyone heard of the β€œSuperb Owl”? Can’t find them on Spotify.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zerospan01
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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Dad: I started a band, we're called the Geologists.

Because we're a rock band.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdinchicago
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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I asked my son, "Hey, what do you call a rubber loop that you put rocks and bread into?" He shrugged and said he had no idea, so I answered…

"A rock and roll band!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
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I rolled a rock down the hill with an elastic band around it, and It hit a passerby.

My rock band, the rolling stones, was an instant hit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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[Request] Tubas and Classic Rock

Every year for the past few years, I’ve written music for a tuba ensemble for a summer band camp. Last year’s music was titled β€œTubaChristmas in July,” which had β€œHallelujah” by Pentatonix, β€œCarol of the Bells,” β€œYou’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch,” and β€œHave Yourself a Merry TubaChristmas.” This year I’m about 90% sure we’re doing rock/classic rock. So far I have β€œBohemian Rhapsody” by Queen, β€œPaint It, Black” by The Rolling Stones, β€œLivin’ on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi, β€œDon’t Stop Believin’” by Journey, and some fifth song I haven’t chosen yet (BTW I’m open to song ideas).

I need a pun that mixes Tuba with Rock or with Classic Rock. Similar to how TubaChristmas in July doesn’t include song names, but you know it’s Christmas music on tubas.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Leo_1110
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
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There’s a little known tribe in Africa called the Wuntu Wuntu...

They set up equipment for rock bands...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
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Pappa

Once they have finished mating, the mother roach tries to find a safe place to lay her eggs while the pappa roach tries to support his new family by starting an alt/rock band.

This wasn't his first career choice, but it is his last resort.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSmitty0754
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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Dad dropped this one on me many years ago at a restaurant.

We walk into a restaurant and are immediately seated, and several minutes later our waiter comes to greet us and asks if we'd like to start with anything.

Dad: Uh, you know, I think we're going to need a few more minutes to decide.

Waiter: Of course! I'll be back to check on you in a few minutes. No Rush!

Dad: looks at me Huh... I wonder what she has against Canadian rock bands from the 80's...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Troubled_Tribble
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2013
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Educated my son at the grocery store yesterday, made another dad laugh

In the freezer section, my 2 year old goes:

"What's that daddy?"

"Those are turkey drums. (drumsticks with a brand name) That's how they get into turkey rock bands"

"oh"

Like he just accepts this shit as fact and I can't stop myself :D

FiancΓ©e thought it was a stupid joke so I can be sure it was awesome.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Razorshroud
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2015
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Guess who?

In the car my dad and I were listening to a classic rock station, and he asked me to guess who was playing on the station, I said I don't know, and he replied "Guess Who?" I took this as an invitation to guess, but I really had no clue. This continued for a good 20 minutes before he finally got tired of it and told me the band was The Guess Who.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boblikespie1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2014
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So a stone and a wheel pick up a few instruments...

...and start a rock and roll band.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ASoulNotASmithy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2016
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