Torque appropriated circumstances call for -in kind- repeat applied force when concerned with most of yer dried and salted pork products and jovial responses.
Great power, great responsibility, etc.
The WHO have a German Doctor now heading up their COVID response..
.. He's Dr Hans Sanitizer.
Take responsibility for your actions.
Interviewer: We only hire people who are responsible.
Me: Well, your search ends today.
At my previous job, whenever something went wrong, everybody said I was responsible.
You know, in this job we really need someone who is responsible
The man thinks for a moment, and then replies, “I am perfect for you. In my last job, lots of things went badly wrong and they always said I was responsible.”
My girlfriend asked me if I could help bleach her hair. To my response:
In response to the American coin shortage, Canada has committed to providing the U.S. aid
Whenever someone asks me if I prefer maples, elms, or oaks, my response is always the same:
"It's not a poplar tree contest."
I called my friend to tell him about my big promotion and how it comes with a lot of new responsibilities now that I'm running the business. He asked what my new job was and how I was holding up.
I told him "I'm generally managing"
Elephant response
My four year old granddaughter just came home from the zoo and asked why elephants have trunks. I did not miss a beat and replied they have too much stuff for a suitcase.
My response when asked why I go around healing blind people:
You’ll see. You’ll all see.
My grandad was responsible for 28 downed german planes in WW2.
Still to this day holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
Why wouldn't the Republicans impeach Donald Trump?
They insist on bringing a baby to full term.
With great reflexes comes great response ability.
Response to any time your child asks you when something happened.
Well son, you were in Baghdad back then.
What is the second to last letter of the alphabet?
So I walked into my daughter's room with a tape measure the other day, and she was lying on her bed reading a book. I stood in the doorway and started slowly extending the tape measure, all the way across the room, until it touched her cheek. "What??" she asked me. My response...
"I'm measuring your patience!"
The response time was very slow
Gonna brew and market my own beer, and call it “Responsibly.”
Advertising slogan will be a doddle: “Please drink Responsibly.”
I almost missed my cake day!
That would have been real crumby.
Edit: thanks for the gifts! I’ve never felt so kneaded.
Humans are scared of hippos because they're violent and responsible for hundreds of deaths per year, when in reality, people kill way more people per year...
...so that’s just being hippocritical...
It's cloudy all over just now.
What did the yoga instructor say in response to the eviction notice?
My response to my wife’s update to friends and family regarding my surgery
So the customer asks the chef if anyone orders steak raw and the waiter replied ‘yeh but that’s rare’
Never ask a horse for advice.
They are a bunch of neigh sayers.
I just asked my wife for her best dad joke
"You"... followed by a smirk.
Not the response I was expecting but I laughed
When I was young, my fairy godmother asked me if I wanted a long penis or a long memory
A cow asked his farmer “What do you do?”
No response.
So he asks again, “What do you do?!”
No response.
Slightly agitated the cow again asks “WHAT DO YOU DO?!”
The farmer blurts “I HERD YOU!”
Hope this one doesn’t blow up on me.
President Trump just picked a fish to lead the coronavirus response team
He’s the Sturgeon General
As the newest medic on my shift, my boss told me it was my responsibility to watch the office.
I’m currently on season 6, and still have no idea what this has to do with being a medic.
BREAKING: North Korean Leader in vegetative state following surgery.
They're going to start calling him Kim Jong Un-Responsive
What’s a group of Chubby newborns called?
Friend suggested I post to this subreddit, my response...
I’m mad at my wife because I bought a stun gun for her birthday and she tested it out on me. Twice.
What a revolting response to a gift. I was stunned.
In response to all the negativity on Reddit, Here is a positive post.
I was going to share a joke about sodium on here...
...But then I thought, "Na, they've probably heard it before."
As I was walking down the street, I noted a man with a large pole in his hand and stopped to ask, "Are you a pole-vaulter?"
His response was, "No, I'm German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"
Sometimes I go to the bathroom at work to avoid responsibilities
I like to say I'm stalling
Once i told a hammer joke
A man suspected his wife was hard of hearing so he decided to do an experiment. The man snuck up behind his wife and said, “Honey, can you hear me?” No response. He went a little closer and said a little louder, “Honey, can you hear me?” Still no response. So he went right beside her ear, yelling,
“Honey, can you hear me!?” She turned around and shouted, “For the third time, yes I can hear you!”
I'm a trucker. My dispatcher texted me to ask if I'd picked up a load of frozen toast. This was my response...
20,000lb of frozen bread so clearly I'm loafing along and a gluten for punishment.
Bad puns are the yeast of my problems. This load takes me to the upper crust, but if I don't get it in on time I'm toast!
Sorry about my rye sense of humor...
A german tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my dog. After he climbed out, he said, “here is ze dog, dry him off and keep him warm, he vill be fine. I asked him, “are you a vet?”
He said, “vet? I’m fucking soaking”
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children
It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from
Someone: "If you need 144 rolls of toilet paper for a 14 day quarantine you probably should've been seeing a doctor long before COVID-19"
My response: "144? That's a gross"
Being a goat who jokes a lot I often get different responses.
But I prefer, "Take my upvote and leaf".
Dad died 17 years ago, but mom takes on the responsibility
When i was 5 i got granted a wish...
It was either to have an enormous penis or a fantastic memory, if only I could recall my response
I was having an argument about construction with someone on reddit.
He said he never had any issues with mis-calculations during construction on houses and I said that's impossible.
I told him in response about a time I put a post in the ground at a bad angle and had to take it out and put it back in correctly.
He got mad at me because he had heard the same exact story on r/construction
I guess you could call it a repost
In response to u/-umop-apisdn 's earlier post titled "Suislide" I present Sue-a-Slide
I stubbed my toe and yelled MOTHERFUCKER! in response
My dad poked his head in and said: ¨You rang?¨
When drinking spirits, it’s important to be responsible.
Otherwise you’re decisions could come back to haunt you.
BREAKING NEWS: To get a better response in Asia, Billie Dee Williams is being replaced with an virtually unknown actor.
People are already calling the character Rando Calrissian.
My dad's response when I told him Eddie Money passed away (x-post)
My friend wasn't too impressed with my response....
What fanatic is responsible for this?
I got home from work and sat down for dinner with my parents. "Wow, haddock for dinner?"
Dad responds "So I take it you haddock-good day?"
(Note: This actually happened today.)
I stumbled/fell on my way up the stairs today.
Girlfriends reaction "OMG did you hurt yourself?"
"No, but I felt the gravity of the situation"
Her response was attempted murder by trying to push me down the stairs
Sigmund's done for the day
Who’s responsible for the fall of the Soviet Union?
Everyone. They all share the blame.
Who is ultimately responsible for a child’s well-being?
My buddy Lee asked me if I knew what zero degrees Kelvin was called ...
My response, “absolutely”
My Dad's Response to Giuliani's Butt Dial
I texted my Dad a link to the initial headline. His response is in the link below.
http://imgur.com/gallery/cAM4mhO
No! "stairs" not "stares"
I don’t know how to make good titles so I’m writing this to duck out of the responsibility of entertaining you.
My nephew asked if I wanted frozen pizza
My response: I would prefer it cooked.
How does Spider-Man think of such witty comebacks?
Because with great power comes great response ability.
My 8yr old nephew got his first "grownup" email address....
My sister wanted to make sure he is checking his emails and being responsible....so I send him daily jokes. Not sure if this link works, but if this cool kiddo burrito finds this someday...your emails back are the highlight of my days. http://imgur.com/a/llxi1lO
What do you call the gland in your throat responsible for deep thinking?
[ACTUAL QUOTE] A$AP Rocky was released from Swedish prison today. Donald Trump's tweet in response to his release:
"A$AP Rocky released from prison and on his way home to the United States from Sweden. It was a Rocky Week, get home ASAP A$AP!"
A nun is having a bath when she hears a knock of the door....
She says "who is it?"
"It's the blind man" comes the response.
Ok, thinks the nun. "Come in then".
In walks the man; "nice tits, now where do you want this blind?"
The most dad response of all time
Neighbor: “we have a problem. There is water from your property coming on to my property.”
My dad: “well, you're downhill. your problem isn’t me, it’s gravity.”
...I am shook
edit: missed words
What triggers a Spanish man's Fight or Flight response?
When ever someone asks me, “what are you up to?”
I tell them last time I checked, I was 5’9.
My husband wrote a very heartwarming birthday message for me on Facebook. This was my response
Fun Fact: Steven King's 'It' is actually the story of a financially-responsible clown.
I returned from vacation sporting a full face beard. My students all tell me I look like Thor. I admit I was expecting a more Loki response.
I guess you could say I never Thor it coming.
My grandpa was responsible for downing 43 German planes in WW2.
To this day he still holds the record as the worst mechanic in the Luftwaffe.
My grandad was responsible for 28 downed german planes in WW2.
Still to this day holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
With great reflexes comes great response ability
With great reflexes, comes great response ability.
Why does Spider-Man always have such good comebacks?
Because, with great power comes great response ability
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