Whether you are Democrat or Republican, I think we can all agree on one thing.

The election results have been un-presidented.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ethanol314
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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Why wouldn't the Republicans impeach Donald Trump?

They insist on bringing a baby to full term.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pcwils1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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I used to only pass gas on Democrats, but now I pass gas on Republicans too.

I guess that makes me bifartisan.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProjectOcoee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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I'm worried that the supreme court will lack empathy now that Ginsburg is gone.

Without her they're ruthless.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudefaceguy_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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Biden will NEVER, EVER be my president

because I live in Canada.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I-Only-Lurk-SRD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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Why did she break up with the staunch republican?

Because he had to be always right.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Molsen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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NASCAR bans the confederate flag?

Finally a turn in the right direction.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mattzlo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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If Joe biden becomes president,

the white house will become forbiden

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/baalbaking58
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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In light of the recently release video of the democrats vs republicans asking why they are holding off the vote

What did the democrat say to the republican at the dinner?

Will you pass the bill already?!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/moose_da_goose
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
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Why do Republicans all use apple products?

Because they're not PC

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
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Republicans in 2012 be like:
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSpicyPickle123
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
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Why are there no republican scientists?

It requires you to make educated guesses

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HeartBreakKid99
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
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Even the democrats admit the republicans are β€œright”.
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
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I survey election habits of Democrats. My friend surveys election habits of Republicans.

We're poller opposites.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/garbagearmy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2018
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Why are Republican glasses cheaper than others?

Because they don't believe in Progressive lenses.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shockingzelda
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2016
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Democrats thought Republicans took the low road, so they took the highway.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spoiledbutawesome
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2016
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What is a republican president's favorite weapon?

A Reagun.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2017
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If Republicans try to push through a bill related to the keystone pipeline, they should call it the Gasoline Alternative Source act

Because I want to hear a news anchor say "Today republicans tried to pass G.A.S., but Obama blocked the move with a veto."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notiesitdies
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2014
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My Republican mom's voting for the Irish candidate...

Marc O'Rubio.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IanGecko
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2016
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Why did the Czech Republican's neighbor never join him for his early-morning run?

He was slo-wakian'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/doctor_shemp
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2014
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Got a girl at a party...

Her: Yeah, I've actually been dancing since I was two years old!

Me: Wow, thats so impressive. You must be so tired by now!

Groans were had by both parties

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/n1njast1ck
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2015
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My republican dad just told me this and I almost died laughing.

He's a republican, I'm a democrat and we often joke about it too each other. Yesterday he laid this one on me.

Dad: It's so cold here, do you know what I saw? It was amazing.

Me: What?

Dad: I saw a Democrat with his hands in his own pockets.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatpersoninhere
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2014
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It’s the time of year for gift giving, just don’t use the term β€˜white elephant’

It’s racist, they prefer to be called Republicans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/benderismylord
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
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A Political One.

Think back to the strategy employed by the Tea Party to primary out moderate Republicans and replace them with extremists.

The party kept the same name and in many ways yes kept the same policies, but underwent fundamental changes by replacing many of its parts with new, different ones, while still being the same party.

Would this strategy be called the Vote of Theseus?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StruckingFuggle
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2017
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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GF just Trump-Ed one on me

I made a dad joke about the stakes for the republican debate being pretty high... Obviously not Trump Steaks, that was a failed business of his, along with Trump Airlines. GF hits back, "Yeah I don't think that one ever got off the ground!" She even knew exactly what she was saying.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Falcopunt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2016
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Trumped

Me: it baffles me how Trump has made it this far and is leading in the Republican Party.

Dad: well, he's obviously just "trump"ed the competition.

I tried not to give him the satisfaction of laughing. But I did.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/toechill
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2015
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Old School Dads Tell Jokes Too

So I Have never been close to my dad because he is old school. You know, republican, really catholic, really fit, clean hair cut, big sports fan, etc. He can be funny but really only shows his fun side with the little kids in the family or his brothers.

Well my little sister is incharge or answering the house phone and when she was younger this happened a lot:

Sister: hello?(pause) hangs up phone Dad: who was it? Sister: nobody Dad: oh, i told him to stop calling. Well what did Nobody want? Sister: What ? Dad: you said Nobody called, i asked what he wanted. Sister: Nooooo, nobody called Dad: i know he called, what did he want

This would go on for a while

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2014
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A friends dad was driving behind a car with stickers..

he saw a sticker of the republican elephant and three smaller elephant's on the back of a minivan that under it wrote "I am raising my children RIGHT"

He followed by saying "no wonder they are left behind"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pasture1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2014
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Car Dadjoke

I just got my car fixed, and my dad called me to ask how it was running. I told him that it was fine for the most part, but for some reason it had problems turning left. To this, he replied "Hah! It must be Republican like your mother and me. We have problems turning left too!"

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2014
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