The election results have been un-presidented.
They insist on bringing a baby to full term.
I guess that makes me bifartisan.
Without her they're ruthless.
because I live in Canada.
Because he had to be always right.
Finally a turn in the right direction.
the white house will become forbiden
What did the democrat say to the republican at the dinner?
Will you pass the bill already?!
Because they're not PC
It requires you to make educated guesses
We're poller opposites.
Because they don't believe in Progressive lenses.
A Reagun.
Because I want to hear a news anchor say "Today republicans tried to pass G.A.S., but Obama blocked the move with a veto."
Marc O'Rubio.
He was slo-wakian'.
Her: Yeah, I've actually been dancing since I was two years old!
Me: Wow, thats so impressive. You must be so tired by now!
Groans were had by both parties
He's a republican, I'm a democrat and we often joke about it too each other. Yesterday he laid this one on me.
Dad: It's so cold here, do you know what I saw? It was amazing.
Me: What?
Dad: I saw a Democrat with his hands in his own pockets.
It’s racist, they prefer to be called Republicans
Think back to the strategy employed by the Tea Party to primary out moderate Republicans and replace them with extremists.
The party kept the same name and in many ways yes kept the same policies, but underwent fundamental changes by replacing many of its parts with new, different ones, while still being the same party.
Would this strategy be called the Vote of Theseus?
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
- Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
- It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
- What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
- Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
- Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
- Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
- If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
- Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
- Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
- American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
- The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
- Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
- Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
- Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
- Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
- Rittal me this, Batman!
- Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
- Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
- If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
- When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
- You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
- Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
- Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
- Don't think Seton is
I made a dad joke about the stakes for the republican debate being pretty high... Obviously not Trump Steaks, that was a failed business of his, along with Trump Airlines. GF hits back, "Yeah I don't think that one ever got off the ground!" She even knew exactly what she was saying.
Me: it baffles me how Trump has made it this far and is leading in the Republican Party.
Dad: well, he's obviously just "trump"ed the competition.
I tried not to give him the satisfaction of laughing. But I did.
So I Have never been close to my dad because he is old school. You know, republican, really catholic, really fit, clean hair cut, big sports fan, etc. He can be funny but really only shows his fun side with the little kids in the family or his brothers.
Well my little sister is incharge or answering the house phone and when she was younger this happened a lot:
Sister: hello?(pause) hangs up phone Dad: who was it? Sister: nobody Dad: oh, i told him to stop calling. Well what did Nobody want? Sister: What ? Dad: you said Nobody called, i asked what he wanted. Sister: Nooooo, nobody called Dad: i know he called, what did he want
This would go on for a while
he saw a sticker of the republican elephant and three smaller elephant's on the back of a minivan that under it wrote "I am raising my children RIGHT"
He followed by saying "no wonder they are left behind"
I just got my car fixed, and my dad called me to ask how it was running. I told him that it was fine for the most part, but for some reason it had problems turning left. To this, he replied "Hah! It must be Republican like your mother and me. We have problems turning left too!"
