I have a list of friends who love palindromes!

Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
🚨︎ report
When pornstars go to hospital....

....do they get XXX rays ?

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
When the moon hits your eye, Like a big pizza pie, That's amore.

When an eel bites your hand, And that's not what you planned, That's a moray.

When our habits are strange, And our customs deranged, That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh?

When a Japanese knight Uses his sword in a fight, That's Samurai.

When your sheep go to graze In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh?

When your boat comes home fine And you tie up her line, That's a moor, eh?

When you ace your last tests Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s!

In New Zealand you see An aborigine, That's a Maori.

Alley Oop's homeland has A space gun with pizzazz, That's a Moo Ray.

A comedian ham, With the name Amsterdam, That's a Morey.

When your chocolate graham, Is so full and so crammed, That s'more, eh.

When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh?

πŸ‘︎ 682
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ComeAbout
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad : Oh no! Our neighbor died!

Mom : Who, Ray?

Dad : I don't think cheering is appropriate Karen

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SunnySideUp145
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the Palpatines have a child?

They forgot to use ray shields

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kaoskrim
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
My daughter ate a dvd this morning...

Was later released as a poo-ray

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bradleyh93
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Nolan!

Christopher Nolan's new and highly anticipated movie will be released on December 15 in blu-ray. Finally I can watch the movie at Tenet-p.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Saddam78610
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Steve Irwin's line of sunscreen has been discontinued.

Turns out it failed to protect you from harmful rays.

πŸ‘︎ 73
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MannDude
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My pet Ray fish died.

He is X Ray now.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Bindi Irwin got married!

That's a ray of hope!

πŸ‘︎ 303
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a stingray who won’t stop farting?

A stink ray.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MBisme
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What marine animal is famous for their alternative hits?

Manta Del Ray

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/itsthatbrownguy91
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
The best way to get dad joked:

I know it's been done before, and many a dad before me and many a dad after me will get to experience this, but in these dark times this was a ray of light that pierced me right to the core with joy.

I came home, and my bright and bubbly ballerina 6 year old runs up and says can I have a hug!?

She asks very tentatively because she knows I have been out all day and the routine is for me to grab a shower (COVID) before I let them get all over me.

So I say, not yet I'm dirty.

She says awww... then she turns to walk away, but then spins back around and looks at me dead in the eye and says:

Hi! um...

wait a sec,

um, I know um,

um, wait.... dir...

[Face beams the biggest smile of accomplishment]

Hi Dirty! I'm [daughter]!

I know we have those proud moments when they turn, but man her delivery, the awkwardness, and the sheer pride she beamed out when she realized she just pulled the reverse dad joke on me...

It's not the getting reverse dad'd, it's the joy and pride she had... she could have just graduated college, and that's how big her beaming smile was right then...

It's a memory I am going to keep and it really lit up this dark time.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/leyline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Julie Andrews’ Daily Schedule: 1. Impersonate Homer Simpson 2. Read about bushcraft 3. Watch ludicrously silly play 4. Replace button on blouse 5. Start making coffee flavoured bread

D’oh, Ray Mears, Farce, Sew, Latte Dough.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Raoul24601
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
If god is love, and love is blind

Ray Charles must be god

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/frederik_engberg
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don't female seahorses give birth?

Because they think it's best for a manta rays kids.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yorkshirenation
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Who’s the stormtroopers’ favorite president?

Ray-gun.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
β€ͺA radiologist friend of mine recently broke up with her boyfriend Raymond...‬

He’s now an X-ray‬

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did they stop selling Steve Irwin brand sunscreen?

It wasn't blocking the harmful rays.

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ColdOxygen
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Some of the gem's of Steven Wright

The work of Steven Wright, he's the famous Erudite (comic) scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."

1 Β  - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2Β Β  - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3Β Β  - Half the people you know are below average.

4Β Β  - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

6 Β  - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7Β Β  - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 Β  - If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain.

9 Β  - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ...... But she left me before we met.

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.

21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.

25 - If at first, you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 - A conclusion is a place where you got tired of thinking.

27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

34 - If at first, you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ksbalaji
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Request for cards with dad jokes

My dad is in a care center with Parkinson’s with dementia. He will be 75 on 3/28. He can’t have his party with the virus around and always needs something to occupy him so I thought birthday cards of dad jokes would keep him busy and make him happy. He was always a master of them. Thank you πŸ™

Ray Heng Terrace Glen room 184 3400 Alburnett Rd Marion IA 52302

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/droppergrl
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Her: "I'm thinking about a garden. Like, raised bed."

Me: "Who's Ray?"

Her: "What?"

Me: "And how do you know what his bed is like??"

Her: "Oh my god, shut up."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Frasier_n_Chill
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you read the book batteries not included by:

Ray Ovac?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Who is the patron saint of homeless dogs and cats?

St. Ray

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/big_macaroons
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
🚨︎ report
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...

So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pseudonympholepsy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What is a psychologist's most powerful weapon?

The shrink ray

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TimelapseChef
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Every time dad comes home from the doctor:

They x-rayed my head but found nothing.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jackster_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Made my dad laugh last night so here

(We're eating, my dad gives me a piece of rib and I eat it without a second thought)

Me: Damn I should've checked for bones first.

Mom: Yeah when we X-ray people we find bones in them all the time.

Me: I sure hope so!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePleorb
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What Marvel character grew up in San Francisco but ended up playing baseball in Tampa?

Bay-to-Ray Bill

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Socratio
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Paging

I hope this is the proper venue for this post. If not, feel free to delete me.

This came from when I was doing production lighting. Every once in a while during concert setup the audio tech would need help with mic check. Now the "real" audio guys would always just stand there going "check check check one two". Me being not a real audio guy wanted to have more fun than that, so I would always do "pages" as if I was paging people. But I would use these assumed names. Here is a partial list of names I would use. If you look closely you might notice a familiar u/name or two.

Paging Mister Lobbla … Mister Bob Lobbla (from Arrested Development)

Paging Mister Vitoomey … Mister Lee Vitoomey

Paging Mister Frescoe … Mister Al Frescoe

Paging Miss Haivure … Miss Bee Haivure

Paging Miss Mitch … Miss Miranda Mitch (my random itch - from The Mick?)

Paging Miss Dactyl … Miss Tara Dactyl

Paging Miss Falactec … Miss Anna Falactec

Paging Miss Tonin … Miss Sarah Tonin

Paging Mister Zinette … Mister Ray Zinnette

Paging Mister Reader … Mister Chip Reader

Paging Miss Kiaki … Miss Sue Kiaki

Paging Mister Doffish … Mister Stan Doffish

Paging Mister Debank … Mister Robin Debank

Paging Mister Festo … Mister Manny Festo

Paging Mister Ifornia … Mister Cal Ifornia

Paging Mister Itosis … Mister Hal Itosis

Paging Mister Saroni … Mister Rye Saroni

Paging Mister Nasium … Mister Jim Nasium

Paging Mister Aroon … Mister Mac Aroon

Paging Miss Ester … Miss Polly Ester

Paging Miss Rexia … Miss Anna Rexia

Paging Mister Zapan … Mister Pete Zapan

Paging Mister Tenuff … Mister Jess Tenuff

Paging Miss Eous … Miss Elaine Eous

Paging Mister Aroni … Mister Mac Aroni

Paging Mister Preneur … Mister Andre Preneur

Paging Mister Cetera … Mister Ed Cetera

Paging Mr. Zapple … Mr. Adam Zapple

Paging Mr. Bino … Mr. Al Bino

Paging Miss Slapter … Miss Ida Slapter

Paging Miss Talia … Miss Jenna Talia

Paging Mr. Rafone … Mr. Mike Rafone

Paging Mr. Zark … Mr. Noah Zark

Paging Miss Yoki … Miss Carey Yoki

Paging Mr. Foolery … Mr. Tom Foolery

Paging Mr. Atric … Mr. Jerry Atric

Paging Mr. Duttank … Mr. Phillip Duttank

Paging Mr. Anoma … Mr. Mel Anoma

Paging Mister Jass … Mr. Hugh Jass

Paging Mr. Onella … Mr. Sam Onella

Paging Mr. Maphobe … Mr. Jer Maphobe

Paging Mr. Packa … Mr. Al Packa

Paging Mister Dente … Mister Al Dente

Paging Miss Conda … Miss Anna Conda

Paging Miss Sharalike … Miss Sharon Sharalike

Paging Miss Bellum … Miss Sarah Bellum

Paging Miss Mennopey … Miss

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RayZinnet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
🚨︎ report
Ill be watching you

A fish joined The Police the other day

It was the Sting ray

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BopWithTheMop
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Visit to the Doctor’s Office

Carol hated going to the Doctor’s office, she was afraid she would see he ex-Ray.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Augusta_Wynd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2018
🚨︎ report
For habitual smokers

My Uncle Ray was a 2 pack a day smoker and frequently let the ash burn all the down before tipping it off. As a result he was frequently spilling ash on his clothes. Whenever this would happen, he would look at us, grin and say

"Guess I really made an ash of myself, huh?"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/subter-fugue
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I need a pun for my science fair project from this

I'm doing a project that involves testing uv(a) rays on inside/outside cheek bacteria to see how much damage uv rays do. Thanks!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/readditoveragain
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2017
🚨︎ report
I'm not easily annoyed.

But X-Rays really get under my skin.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
🚨︎ report
I used light beams to eradicate a common herb...

It was rays against thyme.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gone4011s
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2017
🚨︎ report
Ray: "I just learned our neighbor died."

Karen: "Who, Ray?"

Ray: "I don't think it's appropriate to cheer right now."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.