Ok, boomerang.
To get to the... Bottom...
(as told by my 5yo son, I'm so proud)
Boss: Is your car with the mechanic?
Me: Car?
The vet replied, "Nothing major, he's just really heavy!"
I said, "I'm not sure about that but I can have a good crack at Bohemian Rhapsody."
A flat minor
Now the drain is all clogged up.
He was diagnosed with updog.
He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before.
The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night; he tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." Distraught, the man is forced to leave. Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again. The monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk.β The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk." The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk."
The man sets about his task. After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks." In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception."
The monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound." The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door." The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond. Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, "This is the last key to the last door." The man is apprehensive; his life's wish is behind that door! With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is
... keep reading on reddit β‘So an under-age weasel waltzes into the local bar one fine Friday. He asks the bartender,
"HEY! Whatcha got to drink here?"
Bartender checks his ID, replies with,
"Well sir, since you're not quite old enough, here are your options:
We got tap water, seltzer water, apple juice, orange juice, milk, coffee, tea, and pop."
"POP! Goes the Weasel."
A Subwoofer
Iβm a cashew!
Dad: "Yep. My phone just told me to take shelter"
Me: "Do you guys have somewhere to go?"
Dad: "Where am I supposed to take it? Disneylandππ€"
I wasn't sure if I could post a screenshot, so this is verbatim lol.
After 3 mins all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence
It's really uplifting.
But it was arson
Help! Iβve fallen and I canβt giddy-up!
It was soda pressing
Heβs the one who kept asking for an ex-box.
"Two beers, please. One for me, and one for the road."
Nothing! They just waved!
They log off.
.. turns out it was for Liamβs biological Dad and I had to re-wrap it but still had a lovely day.
They claimed insurance but it was rejected: apparently it was an Act of Gourd.
After two weeks the angel came back and reported his findings to God. "It's not good, 95% of the population is bad and only 5% is good"
God thinks about it and decides to send a second angel just to get a different perspective. Two weeks later that angel comes back and reports the same thing. 95% bad, 5% good.
God thinks on this for a bit and decides that he has to do something. He settled on sending an email of encouragement to the 5% of the population that is good to encourage them they are on the right track and to keep up the good work.
Do you know what the email said? No? Me either, we must be part of the 95%!
They wanted me to work Aldi and all of the night
I exceeded terminal velocity.
But he's adamant.
Itβs called βCurl Up & Dyeβ.
Most went to the Gulf station but one went to the Esso station which goes to prove that thereβs an Esso bee in every crowd.
sΗΚoΙΎpΙp/ΙΉ
But thatβs just my two scents.
The coffee maker asked "on what grounds"?
I took me 20 minutes just to shuffle the cards for Solitaire.
It was just two tired.
Apparently, he couldn't see himself doing it...
"Hey, you boys Wahstarving?"
"umm... what?"
"Cause I've got WAHFULLS!"
(She was so proud, a decent dad joke from the mama panda)
... do we call it an act of wonton destruction?
I said βIβm not sure about that but I can have a good crack at Bohemian Rhapsodyβ
No, but I can try Bohemian Rhapsody!
