it's Hans free now..
Not even remotely.
I don't think I can ever repay you.
It feels like ancient history.
Man 1: With great power comes great electricity bill.
Man 2: Watt a powerful message
Full Kudos to the original post below
https://i.imgur.com/EAkxfPC.png
https://www.reddit.com/r/technicallythetruth/comments/o9ehn7/shockingly_true/
The man stands up and speaks "Plethora." and steps back down.
"Thank you..." says the Widow, "that really means a lot."
EDIT The responses here are incredible! 👌
“Bison”
The college application asked for a small essay.
There was a hole in Juan.
Ciudad.
Too many negatives.
It’s textbook Economics.
Sometimes I need expert advice.
I got a third degree. It was a real blast too.
It’s very souperficial.
It was a place of higher learning.
Her name was Himcules
...would be preposterous
And yet they blame me for the car accident
For real tho. Donate your organs. It saved my dads life 😁
She just buries her head in the sand like an off switch.
The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
I can't believe he tried to pull this shit!
The golfers didn't want to bear with him about the whereabouts of Tiger Woods and ran towards another bearing.
That Jerry doesn’t Fall Well.
I hear it’s subpar..
I’m really struggling to get out of it.
Ten tickles!
Of course it only has eight of those.
So the first two were test tickles!
....I said to myself, "This changes everything."
But I was talked out of it.
Gravy.
Every week, I had an appointment with a doctor where they would ask me about my health. They would ask me the same usual questions. This is how it would go:
Dr: Do you get a dry mouth?
Me: Yes but I drink water to compensate.
Dr: Any issues with hearing?
Me: Sorry?
Dr (louder): any issues with hearing?
Me: Beg your pardon?
Dr starts laughing
I’m sure Dr. Robert did it pro Bono, though.
OK, when my first kid became cognizant, about two years old, I would wait until I could see the street light was going to turn green, just blow at it, and it would turn green. I never said a word. I would just do it.
After doing this for about a year or so, my daughter caught on and could not figure out how I was doing this.
She finally asked me, "Daddy Magic", of course.
She is now 31, and she still blows at street lights.
That is the real Daddy Magic.
A day-glo baa.
He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.
He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.
When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, they find that some creature has chewed a hole in the fence around Yoda’s garden.
“Something I have for this.” Yoda says again. Once again, he takes a bunch of forks out of his bag and, using duct tape, tapes them in to patch the hole.
Yoda and Luke return to Yoda’s home, where Yoda looks through his bag. He’s used all his forks but one, he discovers.
“That’s ok Master." Luke says, wanting to be helpful. “I’ll write us a note reminding us to buy more.”
So he writes the note and uses the very last fork to pin it to the bulletin board.
He looks down at Yoda expecting pride, but instead finds a look of horror.
“Master Yoda!” he asks. “What did I do wrong?”
Yoda replies sagely, “A Jedi uses the forks for no ledge and the fence. Never for a tack!”
...the deep ones are also called the many-anglered ones, after all ;)
Unfortunately, I had to drop out. I just didn't have the patients.
I didn't understand the gravity of the situation.
Edit: thanks for the awards, kind strangers!
Gamora: "I am going to die surrounded by the biggest idiots in the galaxy."
Sometimes I need expert advice
