Origine Puns

Funset!

Poetry is good for amateurs; literature is best left to prose.

I've somehow made a hobby of creating (often very nerdy) puns, wordplay, and absurdities. Some of them have been sold on t-shirts. Most of them just end up as a FB status. They are not (at) all great, but they are original, so far as I know. Now I'm going to leave them here.

My dad almost choked on a small flake of pizza crust, and he spent several minutes coughing in a loud and alarming way.

Finally he stopped, and he was all better. Someone caused him to chuckle, which triggered another fit of coughing.

I said... “That definitely didn’t go well; I think he had a ‘re-laughse’!”

Like seriously, if I've read one, I've reddit all.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

If someone makes a pun, you have to reply in a pun... but it has to be on the same topic as the original pun. Sooooooooooooooooooo my friend had the most clever, best pun of all time... A 3 word combo. The topic was dairy... and he made a pun I didn't quite catch... so with his wit, he responded "I guess that one flew right pasteurize" My mind was shattered...

So I came across a word today in my reading that I had heard before and was able to deduce it's likely meaning based in the context it was used, however, to be safe, I looked it up anyway and while reading the book definition came up with what I hope is an original pun (phrase)...

Context: When someone is giving you a hard time you can say, "stop basting my Lamb, you lamb-baster"

lambaste - criticize (someone or something) harshly

Dad was visiting last week, talking about his household projects he did. He mentioned that he got his septic tank emptied before winter, and that 'it was a shitty job'. He then tells me that his neighbor also had to get his tank emptied, so the service truck also emptied the neighbor's tank at the same time. He smiles and says, "Well, my neighbor and I finally got our shit together!"

He said he was very proud of himself for making an original pun like that. I patted him on the shoulder, looked him in the eye and said, "I can always appreciate an organic pun."

I know it’s authentic because there’s a bit of veneer missing.

Her mortgage was underwater

But he hesitated.

The present spelling was adopted about 250 years ago during the Enlightenment.

I told him either ore.

I think that by now this premise of a circus animal with huge ears that people make fun of has just become irrelephant

But then I changed my mind.

The Last of Uk

The head of the wealthy Guttheim family was concerned about his oldest son who was an irredeemable punster. No matter the setting he would use the opportunity to make really terrible puns. The troubled patriarch decided to hold an intervention.

He called members of the large and prominent family in from all over the world: Europe, Africa, Latin America, the US, the Far East.

They sat the wayward young man down and one by one they begged him to change his ways.

The son listened to what everyone said without comment, but when the representative from the Cuban side of the family spoke, the boy suddenly stood up.

For the first time expressing genuine emotion, he reached out his hand imploringly and sang:

Don't stop me now...Cousin Havana Guttheim...

It’s not stroganoff.

Most of them failed to make a connection, but she was really feeling Sleepy.

You can easily tell when it's a sham Pooh.

Because nothing gets under their skin.

In da skies.

DeForest asian.

“Wish I’d bought a normal bed”

For sizzle.

Which is weird, you think he’d be from mad-at-gas-car.

Nor way!

but the man hesitated.