Whoever called it Viagra, missed out on the opportunity to call it....

Viagro.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Growth opportunities
πŸ‘οΈŽ 44
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Uniquenerdyusername
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 18 2021
🚨︎ report
David Schwimmer of Friends once had an opportunity to try out for the Olympics but decided against it.

He didn’t want to be an Olympic Schwimmer.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/keyrover
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 30 2021
🚨︎ report
I posted this on r/eyebleach and in the end it got heavily downvoted but I wasn't missing the opportunity to post a terrible pun
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/The-Magic_Fetus
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 18 2021
🚨︎ report
You should be careful when you have a window of opportunity.

They're a pane to replace

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/epic_null
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
They really missed out on a great opportunity by calling them defibrillators

Should've called them heartbrakers

πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BoobsRmadeforboobing
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Happy New Year fellow dad jokesters! For 2021, I’m going to turn all of my problems into opportunities.

Starting with my severe drinking opportunity

πŸ‘οΈŽ 30
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GigaMike123
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
With great potential come great opportunities
πŸ‘οΈŽ 276
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kanamuna24
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently turned down an opportunity to open a Dominos Pizza store, because I thought it was too risky.

If one store goes down, they will all go down.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rx3065
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
An excellent opportunity
πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/note_than62
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm considering adding carpet to my new house

If they do a good job I'll be floored.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/iceberger3
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Misunderstanding on purpose

My favourite 'dad joke' is purposefully misunderstanding the kids and watching their disbelief as they try and reword things so even an idiot can understand. We have a family app so they need permission to download some apps onto their devices (because we are "controlling" πŸ™‚).

So every now and then this will happen:

Child : Can I get an app?

Me : sure, if you're tired just go and lie down.

Child: no, an APP

Me: yes, lie DOWN

Child: No, I need an... I want a...I just want...an app.

Me: or an early night?

Child: weary sigh

Me: you do look tired

  • thinking I'm the best joker in history*

That was a short version. If it didn't make sense, read it aloud.

The kids will put me in a home at the first opportunity.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 227
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/user_error101
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Eye wouldn’t miss the opportunity eye-there
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mr-JasonTe
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a sign in the pub "The Chef's Special"

I thought that's nice, equal opportunities employer.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ExtraSure
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 30 2021
🚨︎ report
I drew the number 8 and called it opportunity.

I turned it on its side, now it’s endless opportunity.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
You see a desk, I see an opportunity v.redd.it/vznvn0uwajg41
πŸ‘οΈŽ 62
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tendu-or-do-not
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I apologise if this isn't allowed.

New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NoThruTrucks
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
He really jumped on that opportunity
πŸ‘οΈŽ 208
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 13 2020
🚨︎ report
One of my friends made a mini-computer. Saw my opportunity and took it :)
πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/litty_kitty73
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad: Years ago I had the opportunity to meet R.E.M., and we even took a picture together with my buddies.

Son: Where are you in the photo?

Dad: That's me in the corner.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jay-ay
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Starbucks is missing out on a huge business opportunity by NOT selling masks that you can drink through.

They could call them coughy filters.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
On a post about a washed up whale. This person SEAS the opportunity and they take it!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/aakashrajaraman
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I’d like the opportunity for all of us to see the next day. #stayathome
πŸ‘οΈŽ 36
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheLisaShow2020
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Micro pun
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jdramanuj
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
After a long shift, I was given this opportunity. v.redd.it/18cblj38tnv41
πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/evandolajakulater
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
The best cars.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ElectronicHeart29
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday a friend of mine told me he has a new job. He's garbage man now...

well, he didn't let that opportunity go to waste

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/myhomebasenl
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Whoever named pirate's telescopes spyglasses really missed an opportunity.

They should have been called "Ayeglasses."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Hypnotoadful
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Don’t know how they missed the opportunity
πŸ‘οΈŽ 55
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Patty_Pimp
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
We will find you one day, space cowboy <3 We will not lose the Opportunity...
πŸ‘οΈŽ 283
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DanBamcookies
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A robber breaks into a bank

When he arrives he sees the security guard at his desk, sobbing

β€œI c-can’t believe the boss forgot my b-b-birthday”

Seeing this opportunity, the thief sneaks round to the back steals the security codes and goes to access the vault.

Unfortunately for the thief, the head of the bank was busy giving a tour to some possible investors and is at the vault.

Upon seeing the thief (who is stupidly dressed in horizontal black and white stripes) he exclaims, β€œHOW DID YOU GET PAST MY SECURITY!!?!”

To which the thief replies, β€œYou let your guard down”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheNewMadMan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Rare pun opportunity, I think I nailed it
πŸ‘οΈŽ 37
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JayWex
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 15 2020
🚨︎ report
You know, out West they're started to ban those big round bales of hay you see in that field over there..

.... The cows aren't getting three square meals a day.

(Also, to those who tell dad jokes at every opportunity, I really appreciate you. As a person who grew up without the joy of a pops embarrassing me with terrible jokes, I was always bewildered by the stereotype. Recently though, I've been taking a microeconomics course I was dreading having to take and my professor has "big econ dad" energy. There's a joke every few minutes in his lectures and they give me the energy to keep going. You are appreciated. Even if your kids, spouse, partner, friends, strangers groan at you, undoubtedly someone out there really appreciates your goofiness).

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/plantborb
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 14 2021
🚨︎ report
This quarantine has provided me the perfect opportunity to start a yacht making company in my attic...

Sails are through the roof!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/void_burglar
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My moms putting curtains up. Perfect pun opportunity.

Mom: β€œMatthew! Can you grab the screws please?”

Me: β€œOh screw this.”

Mom: β€œCan you grab some nails?”

Me: β€œYup.” Sees the curtains up β€œOh wow you’re really nailing it.”

Mom: β€œThe drills on the counter. Would you mind...”

Me: β€œDon’t worry. I know the drill by now.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/demonwithfries
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
God gave me an opportunity

God said he's giving me an opportunity to pass along to the new world but i missed the train.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mi88ir
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
The NBA played it's first game in France yesterday. I decided to use that opportunity to make a ton of French puns. roto.life/nba-paris-game-…
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bathrobeDFS
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Those who think the COVID-19 vaccine will modify their DNA

Should see it as an opportunity

πŸ‘οΈŽ 86
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wibie90
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Missed opportunity.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/maxhallhatesm3
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 05 2017
🚨︎ report
Two many opportunities for punning here.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 47
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/EkskiuTwentyTwo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I listen to every type of music except heavy metal

Because heavy metals are toxic.

(I -22f- have created this joke when i was 15, I was waiting for an opportunity to disgust people with it. So here you go reddit lol)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 201
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/EucalyptusLeafJuice
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A missed opportunity /r/britishproblems/commen…
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/whyamiwastingmytime1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone with the last name Hindsight missed an opportunity to run for president.

Hindsight is 2020 though.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DeerSlicesForApples
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Whoever decided to called them Dentures....

....really missed an opportunity to call them Substitooths.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 126
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Johnson&Johnson just announced that M&M will be the spokesman for their new Covid vaccine commercial...

Cuz you only get one shot, do not miss your chance to go. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 01 2021
🚨︎ report
There was a fog machine on sale, but I didn't have enough cash.

It was a mist opportunity.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Predestinatural
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.