You have dogs. You love them. You feed them everyday. But what if one day you suddenly die? Who will feed them?
I love hot showers, but I keep turning the knob too far one way or another.
It’s all a matter of degrees.
My wife and I were going to have a ceremony to once again profess our love for one another, but I had to have emergency surgery on my rectum.
Turns out, I had to renew my bowels.
I love all my children equally. Except the one who sleeps...
“I love my job!” exclaimed the farmer. “All you do is boss me around all day!” complained one of his sheep. “What did you say?” challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled...
I love melons so much I want to marry one.
Unfortunately, the law says we cantaloupe.
there one was a guy who love tractors
There once was a guy who love tractors almost as much as his wife. But one horrible day, his wife was run over by a tractor. The guy goes into a deep depression, sold all his tractors and could never look at one the same.
One day he was out at a eating at a cafe, when there was a fire in the kitchen, filling the cafe with smoke. The guy sucked up all the smoke and blew it out outside. The people at the cafe celebrated him. someone asked him how did he do it, he replied "im an ex-tractor fan"
One day a boy broom met a girl broom and they fell in love. They decided to get married!
Just before the ceremony, the girl broom went to find the boy broom to tell him something. She said, “Guess what?! We’re going to have little whisk brooms!” and the boy broom replied, “How can that be? We’ve never even swept together!”
A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes...
"Oh." said the counselor. "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."
My friend and I have a love of puns, and he came up with this one today: What is the term for being very surprised that someone sprayed Lysol in your face?
I love this one. It is absolutely good
I love cheese. One of my closest friends love selling me some of his.
Guess you can say he is my quesa-dealer.
I explained to my son, "You order one pizza and you love it. Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread. Before you know it, you're eating pizzas for every meal and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one."
"That's the Domino effect!"
I have a friend who's a koala, named Kerry. She really loves her tea. One time, she told me "I love to climb mountains, but I'd really love to drink my tea on Everest of all of them." when I asked why, she replied,
"then it would be the highest koala tea!"
I love Stranger Than Fiction, and here's one of the many reasons why.
One of my best friends made this for me for my birthday. I love it
If possible, I'd love to be Destined to get engaged to one of the most famous American singer and actress
If my dream does come true, I'll proudly call her my B-iancé (Beyoncé)
I for one, love Roman numerals
I love archery but it has one problem.
There are too many drawbacks.
My high school friend used to love one-hit wonders, but we haven’t spoken since we graduated.
I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening admiring my reflection, when I posed this question to my wife of 30 years, “Will you still love me when I’m old, fat, and balding?” She smiled and answered...
Take it easy people. Pretty soon you'll be able to kiss and have sex with the one you love.
But for now, stay at home and do it with the one you're married to.
There's this one saying that I love.
Care for the people and they'll take care of you.
Don't care for the people and they'll take care of you.
In today’s inclusive culture; people are finding love from many sources. One lady was dating her closet; but, unfortunately the love affair ended.
The lady didn’t like her lover’s many hang ups.
Forever in love with one of my favorite puns : Tea Rex
There is one place in this world where you can truly love yourself.
The One That Made Me Love Dad Jokes
My Step dad told me this one about 25 years ago (I was around 12?) and I've loved it, and dad jokes, ever since.....
A guy named Benny was walking down the beach when he found a magic lamp.
When he rubbed the lamp, a genie came out and said he got three wishes. However, he must agree to never shave again. If he did, he would become an urn.
Benny wished for riches, women and a VERY long life.
Years upon years had passed; and Benny's beard was so long it was difficult to manage. He decided that surely the genie who had granted his wishes so long ago had forgotten about him, and so he shaved his beard off.
POOF!!
He was an urn.
What's the moral of the story?
A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.
I took Uber yesterday. The driver said, “I love my job. I’m my own boss. No one tells me what to do.”
I said, “Please turn left.”
Today my wife said "I would love to go to the south of France one day"
I said that would be Nice
Alright people i will not hide it anymore, i love one.
What number do you love ?
If there's one reason why I love the shovel...
It's because it was a ground-breaking invention
One day, Dracula gives his son “the talk”. He tells him, “son, when two monsters love each other very much...” The son interrupts him and says...
“They Mash!” “Yes son! They do the monster mash”
My 8 year old hit me with this one at breakfast - Where do dads love to go on vacation?
"I would love to be a millionaire one day,' said my son.
So I asked him: "Why not longer?"
Have you heard the one about the 2 ghosts that fell in love?
It was love at first fright
I would love to eat one corn dog, but 144 of them is just gross.
I love melons so much I wanted to marry one
But the judge says we cant-elope
I love melons so much I want to marry one.
Unfortunately, the law says we cantaloupe.
I love melons so much that I wanted to marry one…
But it turns out we cantaloupe
I love melons so much that I want to marry one.
Unfortunately, the law says we cantaloupe.
“I love my job!” exclaimed the farmer. “All you do is boss me around all day!” complained one of his sheep. “What did you say?” challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled...
I, for one, love Roman numerals.
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