A big fire in Boston.
It's one messed up, ugly ass tattoo.
It was just lowercase.
Hello! I have to make a presentation about how to avoid a shark attack for a final project in my english class. I suck at making titles, but can anyone come up with a clever one using puns?
Do you need a pun? Just ask!
I can do puns with just one subject, puns that connect two subjects, pun pickup lines, and pun-chlines for jokes of the form "____ walks into a bar."
Just comment on this post with the subject you need a pun on, and I will get back to you as soon as possible.
Hello there,
I am doing a science project on cleaning products and I need a catchy title, so I figured I would go with a pun. The problem is, I can't think of one! If you guys could help me think of a one-liner pun involving somethng cleaning related, I would be very grateful!
Thanks.
A friend called as I was walking out the door this morning and said she found out yesterday afternoon that she has breast cancer. She knows when I leave and timed it that way because she couldn't handle a long conversation. Bread dipped in Karo is her big comfort food, so I am wanting to pick some up with a loaf of bread and leave it along with a note by her door. I want the note to be happy/upbeat and figured what's better than a one line pun. Problem is, I am stuck. (see what I did there?)
The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.
Puns for Kids
Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!
What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!
Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!
Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.
How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!
No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasnβt chicken!
What musical is about a train conductor? βMy Fare, Ladyβ.
A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What animals are on legal documents? Seals!
Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!
Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.
Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!
How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Dockyard: A physicianβs garden.
What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!
The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.
βWhatβs purple and 5000 miles long?β βOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!β
Every calendarβs days are numbered.
This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. βFour bucks,β says the bartender. βPut it on my bill.β
I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!
When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When heβs a dandelion (dandy lion).
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.
A bicycle canβt stand on its own because it is
... keep reading on reddit β‘Because 10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too..
Edit: thank you for awards, I have never gotten one before. I apologize that this is a repost, I did see it on TikTok and thought that it was cute and wanted to share. In the future I will check the sub for similar content before I post anything.
Each has a cigarette, but nothing to light it with.
So one man throws his cigarette into the water, and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
Because adding just one more would make it too farty. Straight from my 7 year old daughter.
Edit: Thank you so much for the awards and upvotes. I showed my daughter how many people saw and appreciated her humor and she's extatic. I know she probably didn't come up with the joke herself but this was one of the first times she really got me with a good one and I thought I'd share it with some fellow dads and others.
I yelled back "I know all those letters!" Everyone laughed, well except this one guy.
But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.
The one with the stickers that says IDAHO π
you only get one shot
Son: but you were a helicopter mechanic
Dad: I never said I was a good one....
"Well, no one has come back with a complaint yet."
So now the full Oasis songbook is covered he's moved on to a new one.
Now I have gas money.
(My 13-year-old son told me that one.)
One. They're very efficient, and not particularly funny.
Plane ones.
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
Heβs the one who kept asking for an ex-box.
Killed two Byrds with one Stone
..no one even raises an eyebrow.
18 are too fowl to repeat but this one just quacks me up
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
Dm: You walk into a room full of skeletons holding onto rusted weapons
Friend #1: Ok.... Uhhhh... Lets disarming the skeletons b4 they come alive.
Friend #2:Good idea, Ill grab the one with the spear.
Friend #3:Ill grab the one with the swords.
Me: and ill grab their arms :>
Friends and DM: -_-
Absolutely loved it except for one thing: the food was the wurst.
He really raised the bar on that one
They can't seem to stomach seitan.
Might be an old one that someone else's said but it made me chuckle.
You remember the story of Jack and the Beanstock? Imagine if Jack had red hair.
Hints:
Fee-fi-fo-fum,
I smell the blood of an Englishman,
Be he alive, or be he dead
I'll grind his bones to make my bread.
This one is a bit dark.
Ok, too subtle perhaps:
>!Outside of the U.S., red heads are generally called "gingers". Thus, redhead Jack is a ginger, and if the giant makes his bread from Jack's bones, he has made bread out of a ginger, which makes it...!<
Having a bit of a discipline issue with my daughter... she'll bring a pile of sand inside and make what she calls her "land". It's sand arranged in a flattish layer, with toy animals and her lego house (Friends^TM , why she no like diggers and helicopters and whatever, why she gotta be so girly??). She doesn't like getting her hand dirty while she's doing it, wears a glove to keep clean, so you'd think she could understand the concept that I don't like the floor getting dirty... but no, she doesn't give a shit.
Had her third birthday party recently, and gave her a Skye (Paw Patrol) plushy, she loves it. Because it's her newest and most favourite toy in the whole world, and because it was for her birthday, we can't confiscate it no matter what.
Very next day, she makes her land again, Skye's there at the side - she's too big to sit in the middle, it would dominate all the plastic dinosaurs and lego Friends people (not the usual mini-figs, they're a bit more anatomically correct, anyway that's not important right now). So I'm all angry and "why you keep doing this", take the glove off her and sweep up the sand. Put her in the time out cage for a bit. Well, we call it the cage, it's just a cupboard under the stairs which is a bit shorter than her so she has to sit there if she doesn't want to bump her head. Throw her in there for one minute per year of age, is the standard procedure.
Anyway, as we close the door she starts singing...
Take my glove
Take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care
I'm still three
You can't take this Skye from me
I was out looking at beds with the family.
Wife: "I really like this bed."
Me: "I like it too, but I think this one is bedder."
Is it normal for the left one to be bigger than the other two?
You get a Sheeporghini and a Ramborghini to fall in love.
My 12-year-old daughter and I came up with this one together.
One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
Timing...one will see you later and one will see you in just a little while.
One has claws at the end of its paws. The other has a pause at the end of its clause.
One does not simply walk into Mordor
First they lie on one side, then they lie on the other
Two: one to change the bulb, and one to hold me, mother hold the ladder.
One Direction
so I crafted a large numeral in the back garden. I chopped, sawed, planed, sanded, and painted that number till it looked amazing. My neighbour looked over the fence and enviously stated βNice one!β
In case they get a hole in one
After you put one on the other one is left.
One says to the other, "do you know how to drive this thing?"
"In case they get a hole in one!"
