If you plan on bringing a car on campus, be extra careful. Bicyclists aren’t always looking for your car and things can get bad fast.
Just the other day I was driving by gates hall and as I yeeted around a corner on a green light I heard a shrill scream. The next thing I knew a rogue bicyclist who thought they could sneak across the street during my turn had stuck themselves to my drivers side window. I tried to roll it down, but the bicyclist wouldn’t detach. Next thing I knew I heard a loud thump on my right. Another bicyclist was strewn across the hood of my car sending their Oakley sunglasses and plethora of water bottles flying across the street. Before I could pop my hood to knock the poor guy off my grille, the jingling bells behind me revealed the presence of yet another bicyclist who dived headfirst onto my roof. My car was completely covered in bi-pedallers by the time I finally came to the conclusion that I was under attack.
Drivers, seriously, watch out..
The other recruits gathered in the common area the next morning. Their chatter died down as soon as Alex left his room. Oakley, surrounded by the Hawkshire group, glared at him from across the room. Obviously, their fight yesterday had bruised his ego.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, the four Arcum recruits invited him over, excited to hear about Oakley’s embarrassing loss.
“Is it true? You sliced his sword in half?” asked the boy he recognized from the first night’s ceremony as Griffin. He had elfish features to go along with a mischievous smile.
Alex shrugged. “Mostly by accident, honestly.”
Azalea groaned. “Cut it out with that. This is the same guy who told me he didn’t know why he was chosen for Leode.”
They laughed. He remained apprehensive of their newfound admiration for him but he had to admit, he rather enjoyed the sense of belonging. They reached the dining hall to the scent of a delicious breakfast laid out on the two long wooden tables. Many of the older groups of recruits had already arrived. According to Griffin, Leode recruits had three years’ worth of training to prove themselves worthy of the highest level. Many must drop out, considering only four from the oldest group were left.
“What happens if a recruit doesn’t cut it?” Alex asked.
Griffin loaded his plate with food from every platter in reach. “Dunno. I’ve heard you just get demoted, unless you really screw up.”
Alex’s stomach churned. He had a pretty decent guess how they treated extreme cases. Griffin carried himself in a more laid-back manner, not giving off the same vibe of arrogance as the others.
Alex picked at his food, listening to the surrounding chatter. His appetite hadn’t recovered from their welcoming feast. Once most had finished their breakfast, Azalea climbed to her feet, brushing her blonde hair behind her ears. “Enough gossip. I want to see if the new guy’s any good with a bow.”
She gave Alex a subtle wink as she waved for them to follow her. Griffin snickered as he mimicked her wink. Alex punched him in the shoulder, stifling a smile. “Hilarious.”
They found Zinnia waiting for them at the training facility’s entrance. She nodded at Alex. “I see there’s been a slight change to our group? Probably for the best, I don’t know if Elgurd’s as suited to deal with anything other than the muscle.”
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
Do your worst!
Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
And now I’m cannelloni
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
And boy are my arms legs.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
A play on words.
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
Or would that be too forward thinking?
At work, I have a workstation.
edit: cheers u/cheer_up_richard
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
I won't be doing that today!
Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
Wows
I’ll show myself out
When I got home, they were still there.
