OBS Puns

She brings out the kid in you.

It's called the Pap Schmear.

Studying abroad.

I'm single and don't plan to have kids anytime soon, but I gave my coworker who's wife is pregnant a dadjoke.

coworker was asking another coworker if he could recommend a good OB, I butted in and said I knew one, he asked for the name and I replied

"OB Wan Kenobi...."

OB city

If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?

I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.

If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?

China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.

I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?

I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.

I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.

I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"

I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".

If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?

If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?

My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.

I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.

Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.

Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.

You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"

A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p

Dad: OB Juan, you’re our only hope.

An obs-taco

Q) what do you call a bunch of cool-looking leeks? A) A cleek

Q) what do you call a smooth, glossy-looking leek? A) sleek

Q) what do you call a sad-looking leek? A) bleek

Q) what do you call a slanty-looking leek? A) Ob-leek.

OB-servant

Me: I saw the name Evelyn the other day, spelled E-I-B-L-E-A-N-N.

Mum: I always used to think the name Siobhan was pronounced See-Ob-Han too.

Dad: I knew a farmer once with a weird name, it was spelled E-I-E-I-O

I took my wife to her first OB appointment this morning. After everything was finished, she was getting dressed.

The nurse knocked on the door- "Are you dressed?"

I replied, "Yes." As she opened the door to enter I added "...but I'm not sure about her."

My wife just shook her head.

My wife is 8 weeks pregnant with our first (twins, actually). Today we had an ultrasound to check on them before my wife is officially transferred from the fertility specialist to her OB/GYN.

Nurse: Both heartbeats are a healthy 144.

Me: Gross.

Nurse: What?.... Oh. (nervous laugh)

Wife: (facepalm)

Me: (ear-to-ear grin)

OB/Gyn Kenobi