If there’s a line of gay people, it’s not a straight line...

It’s an LGBT Queue

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Evanthekid16
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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Okay, seriously, ENOUGH with the gay jokes. They're not funny.

Come on guys.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gradymegalania
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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If you're LG+ you're not gay

You're a TV :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/simwalkedaway
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
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Having gay parents must be horrible

You either get twice the amount of dad jokes or you get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom."

Edit: On another Sub someone called me a homophobe. I want to say I'm not a homophobe it was simply a light hearted joke. I'm gay myself and wouldn't want to create hate or controversy. So sorry if I offended anyone.

Edit 2: Thanks for giving me my first award.

Edit 3: if you have heard it else where then fine Like this one guy in the comments said "I’ve seen it a few times but no doubt many people haven’t. No reason a good joke can’t be posted bc someone’s posted it in the past."

Edit 4: making too many edits but thanks for the gold kind stranger (And all of them means alot)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SergeantSolar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
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One day a guy dies...

...and finds himself in hell. Walking around, he runs into the devil.

Devil: Why are you so sad?

Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell.

Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Devil: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Diet Coke. We drink until we throw up and then we drink some more.

Guy: Gee, that sounds great.

Devil: You a smoker?

Guy: You better believe it.

Devil: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our friggin' lungs out. If you get cancer, it's okay -- you're already dead.

Guy: Golly!

Devil: I bet you like to gamble, too.

Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.

Devil: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it. You like to do drugs?

Guy: Yes, I love to do drugs. You don't mean...?

Devil: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a doobie the size of the Titanic. You can do all the drugs you want, and you'll never die -- you're already dead.

Guy: Neat! I never realized hell was such a happenin' place!

Devil: You gay?

Guy: No.

Devil: Oh, you're gonna hate Fridays

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DylanTheG999
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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Puns for a dance proposal

I’m asking a friend to a school dance and I wanted to make it muffin themed (it’s an inside joke) but I don’t know how to make a pun with a muffin to ask her out. I mean we’re both friends, girls, not gay but I wanted to ask her for the fun of it :) so can anyone think of a muffin pun?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PengTrash
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
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Son:*walks up to me and my wife* Mom and dad I am gay

Wife:Don't.you.dare Me:trying not to say it Son:.......... Me:Hi gay,I am dad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LilCuntBoyXD
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
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I said to my friend, "My partner just gave birth."

"Boy or girl?" he asked.

"She's a girl, I'm not gay," I replied.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
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I got my daughter so good today I stunned her into silence

My daughter comes home from school and plops down in the chair in front of me hands in her hair

Daughter: My Homework is SOO gay

Me: I'm glad to hear that it's LGTBY friendly

She gives me a blank stare with a few blinks for about 10 seconds

Daughter: What!? Dad.. NO! It's not that! I mean it's... Just... no!

Me: Oh! so it's happy then! I'm glad your homework had a great day at school!

My daughter exhales sharply

Daughter: Sure dad, it's Happiest homework ever!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/obievil
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2014
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Went on a dad joke crusade

This was a conversation i had with a friend

friend: Dad jokes aren't good tho

Under any circumstances

me: Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

friend: Commit oxygen not reach lungs

me: What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.

friend: Please

Stop...

I beg of you

me: it's funny cause there's no oxygen in space

friend: I know the point of the joke

me: i was talkin about "Commit oxygen not reach lungs"

friend: Oh my god...

me: one more for good measure

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "do you know how to drive this thing?"my work here is done

friend: Dad jokes are gay

me: i tried to find a gay dad joke

i wasn't very happy with the results

friend: Ha

me: wasn't very happy

friend: Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME!?

me: this has been the best

friend: cri

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePlagueDoctor06
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
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my grandfather told the family to behave themselves when I brought my girlfriend over for dinner

He told my brothers and even my dad to be on their best behaviour, and not to be making inappropriate jokes at the dinner table.

We'd just sat down to dinner when he turned and asked my girlfriend

"What do you call a gay dinosaur? Mega Sore Ass!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/roryok
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2013
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On monasteries...

Playing Carcassonne with my boyfriend and musing about the monks

He: "I wonder how much gay sex happens in monasteries?" Me: "Not nun."

The groan took a minute, but it definitely happened. Sorry, everybody. I know it's not that good.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eponymousalice
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2014
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