When you schedule a blowjob you plan ahead
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📅︎ Mar 10 2019
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What do you call a cocaine heist

>! A blowjob !<

👍︎ 11
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📅︎ Feb 12 2020
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What's the difference between women and terrorists?

They both have different definitions for 'BlowJob'

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📅︎ Jul 25 2020
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I once dated a girl in ISIS,

She was the bomb...

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👤︎ u/nepthy66
📅︎ Feb 14 2019
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My friend just found work at a balloon company.

He got a blowjob

👍︎ 4
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👤︎ u/Pawluige_
📅︎ Aug 13 2018
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What do you call it when someone is payed to distribute cocaine?

Blowjob

👍︎ 4
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👤︎ u/I_love_420
📅︎ Aug 07 2016
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What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?

Better hold onto your nuts because this is no ordinary blowjob.

👍︎ 10
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👤︎ u/jnr_jinx
📅︎ Mar 02 2017
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Got blue balls because of this one

So my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob and decided to use my penis as a microphone to do some stand-up comedy.

Her: "Welcome, welcome, to the stand-up of the century. Ask me if I'm a tree."

Me: "Are you a tree?"

Her: "No."

Me: "Don't take it personally, but I think your stand-up is a bit hard to swallow."

She stopped and I got blue balls because of this, but hell it was worth it.

👍︎ 10
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👤︎ u/Clayton_69
📅︎ Sep 02 2014
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My dad at the car wash

Driving through the car wash with my dad. Leaving slowly through the rapid dry. Dad turns to me and says "Now that's a blowjob."

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👤︎ u/mvpete
📅︎ Dec 06 2014
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Mens hockey change rooms never disappoint.

So sometimes I help my dads hockey team out when they're short on players and always leave with new material. They were getting on one guy for thinking about getting married and how it's a horrible idea.

Future dad: "Ya i'm in the process of finding some rings that she may like"

Dad: "Well you gotta buy three rings for her. Engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering"

This of course leads to laughs and another topic of how blowjobs are obsolete as the marriage goes on and to hold onto the memories of seeing women naked other than your wife.

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📅︎ Dec 22 2014
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